missionaries.

last week, the husband, chloe and i were on one of our frequent walks 

when i saw a group of people walking ahead of us.

i could tell right away that this group was not on the same type of walk we were on.

in fact, i could tell, almost immediately that this small group of about 5 individuals were missionaries. 

i think nowadays just about everyone has seen an LDS missionary.

they can be spotted a mile away.

pants/suit, white shirt, tie, and the infamous name tag indicating that they are missionaries 

for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

these missionaries were not LDS, and i have no idea what church they belong to,

but it made me think about missionary work in general...

i have a huge amount of respect for anyone, of any religion, who chooses to do missionary work.

especially in this day and age.

to give up your time to spread a message of happiness is a wonderful thing.

i don't think you can make an argument against that.
you may not hold the same beliefs as the individuals carrying out the message,
but the sacrifice and devotion to their faith is admirable.

missionaries, of all faiths, have the door slammed on them daily.
they are yelled at. called idiots.
if someone has a differing opinion, we all have a tendency to disagree, argue, belittle, or ignore.
but its my hope, that all of us can look at these people who are dedicating their time,
with more respect.
whether you agree with their message or not,
you can change their entire day by taking a minute to just say "hi".
you can make a big difference in their life.

there is really no major point to this post, other than to say:
i am extremely grateful for those who chose to do missionary work. 

especially to the young men and women from the LDS church 

who dedicate their time and leave their homes to be "full time missionaries".

{young men serve 2 year missions; young women serve 18 month missions}

thank you, to all the missionaries out there. 

baby blessing.

in the LDS church, babies are not baptized.

it is our belief that individuals can be baptized starting at the age of eight.

we see the age of 8 as"the age of accoutability"

which means simply:

an eight year old knows wrong from right.

then can choose to make good and bad choices.

at the age of eight, a child can choose to be baptized.

when a child is born into an LDS family,
rather than being baptized,
they are given a baby blessing.
this blessing is typically given at church
during their first couple months of life.

in the blessing the child is officially given their name
as well as a blessing of health and happiness.
each baby's blessing is unique to the individual child.
for those non-lds folk reading, a blessing is king of like a prayer.
 {i'll write more about blessings in the near future}

i was lucky enough to have many family members attend baby c's blessing.
all of of the husbands immediate family were there
along with some extended family who were able to fly in from out of town.
almost all of my immediate family came too,
which was lucky for me because i didn't ask most of them until the day before.
i was really nervous, and didn't want to pressure them to come,
and I was nervous because many of them had never attended an LDS church service before.

it was such a special day, and to be able to share it with family made it even better.
here are some pictures we took after church:

{two of my 3 older brothers}

{my mom...aka grandma}

{the husbands' dad and grandfather}

{all the girls}

{cousins}

{it's a good thing you cannot tell baby c had spit up EVERYWHERE and was screaming throughout all the pictures}

the new me.

since i have been gone there have been some big changes in my life.

a lot can happen in a year. 

but of course you already know that.

if you are new to my blog, or an old friend, i figured i'd 'reintroduce' myself and give you some background on the new me. 

brace yourself.

this will be a lengthy one.

if you were already reading my blog 

you knew i was pregnant from the post prior to my disappearance. 

i am no longer pregnant (obviously) 

and have a beautiful baby girl. 

right from the get-go, the stinker is just like her dad: stubborn.  

our stubborn little babe was 10 days overdue. 

and i had to be induced. 

that was a ball of fun. 

let.me.tell.you.

actually, i won't get into that can of worms. 

lets just say-- i hope to never be induced again.

baby c (the cutie from yesterday) is now 3 months old. 

she is such a bundle of sweetness in our life.

and obviously has dad wrapped around her pinky.

i mentioned yesterday i had a change in careers.

i am now a proud SAHM.

aka 

stay at home momma

it's been a big change, but a great one too.

i miss the smell of crayons. 

setting up my classroom.

 but mostly i miss the little ones in my class.

that being said...

i know that staying home with baby c will be extremely rewarding.

i am grateful for the opportunity to do so.

{maybe i will have to go buy a box of crayons and sniff them... mr. sketch markers anyone?}

ok. i'm writing too much.

{deep breath}

i overuse ellipses...

i don't type with capital letters {usually}.

i'm obsessed with diet coke.
and i love the rain.

disneyland IS the happiest place on earth.

i'm a sugar fiend. 

i want a 'big' family.

i now have an iPhone...i know. i caved.

the husband and i are high school sweethearts (kinda).

AND

ooooobviously, i'm mormon.

 hence the title of my blog.

but i haven't always been.

you can read my conversion story starting with this post.

well...i think this post is long enough.

if you just cannot get enough of me, because you love me that much...

 you can read some more fun facts about me here.

woah.

hey there.

hi there.

no, you aren't dreaming. and yes... 

i. am. back.

after almost a year long hiatus, the birth of a child, and a change in careers...

i am officially back on (in?) the blogosphere.

i have wanted to start back at it for a while and after requests from friends, 

and inspiration from a new friend, 

i decided it was time to make my 'big return'.

so hello! 

i hope you'll still have me. 

now, for your patience...

 here's some eye candy for you: 

it was worth the wait, wasn't it?!

aha!

yesterday i had a big aHA moment. 

i was sitting in the chapel, waiting for church to start

heart beating, very fast, as i prepared to say the opening prayer for our sacrament meeting.

the husband was scheduled to say the prayer but he had to leave unexpectedly to pick someone up

so it was all up to me.

and then the bishop announced that someone else was saying the prayer.

part of me said "phew"

the other part was a little sad...weird i know.

anyway...

that set me up for the rest of sacrament meeting.

i was feeling the spirit really strongly yesterday.

then i realized why.

i have been expecting the feel the spirit as of lately, and often times i do not feel it.

this can be really frustrating.

i want the spirit to be with me all the time, but the problem is...that it isnt.

then the aHA came. 

i cannot expect the spirit to be with me if i am not actively pursuing it. 

the key word here folks is actively.

without a doubt the spirit will be with me if I am actively seeking the spirit and doing the right things...

if i pray.

if i read the scriptures.

if i actually pay attention in church...

 rather than tuning out merely hoping that i can feel the spirit...

if i do all the right things...

i will feel the spirit.

why is something so simple like this so hard to figure out sometimes?!

doubts.

here's another formspring question and answer....

did you have doubts right before converting? have you had doubts since?

i have answered the first bit of this one before...

in "the letter"

"i had lost the confidence i had in my decision to be baptized and was so nervous i didn't think i would make it through the night. before i left my boyfriends house that evening he stopped me and said that he had forgotten to give me something...it was a letter from one of the missionaries father..."

{http://throughtheeyesofamormon.blogspot.com/2010/01/letter.html}

it's funny how the spirit and the adversary work...

i had all the confidence in the world with my choice to be baptized...

but the night before my baptism the adversary tried to knock me down as hard as he could.

i am grateful for the love and support that i had and still have, or else my choice would have been much harder.

my baptism would still have happened, but it would have been much more difficult to get into that water.

as for today, and doubts that may have arisen...they haven't.

yes living a "mormon lifestyle" isn't always the easiest...

we live in a day and age where promiscuity and drinking is almost expected.
that is not me, nor will it ever be, but i am ridiculed for not being like everyone else.

does it make it harder to find true friends?

 yes.

does it give me doubts about my choice?

never. 

i know that my choice was the right one to make.

i know that i am where i need to be.

confessions of a convert.

this blog is about my life through mormon eyes right?

right.

on that note, i have something to share...

mormons talk about church a lot.

this is something i used to give my husband a hard time about {in a cute, joking way of course}... i used to tease him that he could take any conversation and "bring it back to church". in other words, he could relate anything to something "churchy".

what i have realized though is that as a member of the LDS church, church comes up every day. i am not talking a mention of the word "church", i am talking a full conversation, literally everyday, comes up naturally no matter how your day is going or what you are doing.

it is because being LDS it isn't just something you do on sunday, it is a lifestyle change. it is a part of who you are.

you could be on a date, with friends, at dinner, with family, at a theme park...it doesn't matter. sometime during the day church will come up.

i know that this is not true of other faiths...because i have lived another faith...i have friends and family of other faiths...i know many people of other faiths... it may be true of some church going people, but seriously...who talks about church everyday?!

well...i do. and i like it.

and that is my confession.

going to a wedding.

i am going to a wedding today.

the husband has been asked if he would video/photograph the wedding as the wedding is a good friend's. the guy has never shot a wedding before, is very nervous, and has been watching video tutorials for about a week straight to get some new shot ideas and camera adjustments. (i know he will do an amazing job. the man pours his heart and soul into ever project he does).

anyway, going to a wedding obviously makes me reflect on my own wedding. but mostly, because the wedding we are going to is not an LDS wedding, it makes me reflect upon the temple. it is a reminder to me how special my wedding day was...

when the husband and i were sealed, it was indescribable. the spirit inside the temple was so strong that day that i knew i was where i needed to be. i knew i had made the right, although insanely tough, decision to be married away from my family (who are not LDS) and be married/sealed in the temple. the temple is a remarkable place. i wish i could relive my wedding day over and over.

the husband and i coming out of the temple. you can read more about my wedding day here.

confessions of a convert.

i am writing this post with a heavy heart.

after 3 years teaching primary {sunday school}, with the cutest kids ever, i am officially done.

last week was supposed to be my last, but obviously i didn't teach.

so thats it.

no last class.

no party that i had planned to say goodbye to the cutest CTR 4 class ever.

{LDS sunday school classes are seperated by the age the children are on january 1...i had the 4 year olds...the class was called CTR-choose the right 4}

no expaining to the kids why i am 'abandoning' them, which is what it feels like i am doing.

i have loved being in primary. i practically begged to be called to teach.

there have definitely been ups and downs, hard days, amazing days, hilarious days, and everything in between. i have learned more from those kids then i could have ever taught them and i am so grateful i was able to be their teacher.

now, you may be wondering why this is a confession...well its because i asked to be released from being a teacher. {cue tears...why am i always crying?!} i don't think you are supposed to ask to be released but i did. and hey, i am a convert so i don't know the unwritten 'rules' anyway half the time...

so i confess... it was me. they did not ask me to stop teaching, and TRUST me i did NOT want to stop, but i had to. i had to think of me for once.

i am being stretched so thin right now that i think i might break in to 8 pieces. i don't have enough time for anything...not enough time for homework, or school, or student teaching, for planning the amazing primary lessons those kids deserve, and especially not enough time for the husband. he has been beyond neglected and i have been beyond mean/rude/the-worst-wife-ever the past month {which is not good considering we got married 7 months ago in 2 days} and its time for a change.

i feel the strong need to go to church and go to MY sunday school...sunday school for adults...to learn for me, to listen, and grow.

will i miss being in primary? yes. will i get to teach primary again...you better hope i get to, otherwise i will go all hulk on everyone! {just kidding...sort of}

so thats it, thats what i had to tell you all...

and now i am going to go pack.

the husband and i are going to visit my dad in charleston, sc. we have to be at the airport at 5:00am...that means waking up really early.

so goodbye for now. i will miss you all.

see you back here in t-minus one week...

talking in church.

i was asked to give a talk in sacrament meeting.

yikes.

{like i mentioned before, the speakers at church on sundays are members of the congregation. each week there are 2 speakers and sometimes a youth speaker as well}

i was asked over a week ago if i could give a talk on the 27th, along with the husband too, and i have yet to write anything...

the husband has written two talks already {although he is unhappy with both}, and is stressed... he keeps mentioning how unprepared he is, and how he really needs to "get things together for the talk".

hey thanks babe, i haven't even started!!

stress. stress. stress.

did i mention i am STRESSED!

i have had zero time to even think about giving a talk that is now in...ONE WEEK.

i am thinking i should just steal one of his talks... but don't worry, i most likely wont.

i've got this right!?

right.

would you all like me to post my talk on the 27th after church?

comment below and let me know.

(yep, i am a poet...not).

OH and btw, i asked my mom and grandma to come to church that day to hear me and the husband speak...scaaaaary.

have a wonderful saturday!

headaches.

so to start things off i just have to give some background info...

my whole life i have gotten headaches. i have been poked and prodded by doctors but none of them can tell me what is causing them.

these headaches are not just every once in a while, they are about 4-5 times per week, sometimes more...and recently have turned into mostly migraines. {whereas i used to get migraines, but only rarely}.

my headaches are now offset by everything.

working out.

watching tv.

studying.

doing anything really.

and let me tell you that feeling nauseous, along with being sensitive to light, along with feeling even worse if you move or talk is not fun... at all!

because they have been getting worse than ever i have considered going back in to the doctors to see if, yet again, they can try to find the cure.

well, the past week i started seeing stars every once in a while and now i know i need to go to the doctor, because that is BAD. i will be sitting, minding my own business, and little stars appear and disappear in an instant in my eyes.

{i promise this is going to relate to church, so just keep reading}.

last night the husband and i were sitting in our office talking about randomness when the little stars appeared and in my head i heard myself say, "you need to go to the doctors", only it wasn't me talking...it was the spirit talking to me through myself {if that makes any sense}.

i stopped talking awkwardly, and the husband asked what was going on.

i was embarrassed for some reason to say anything, but the moment i started telling him what had just happened i started crying, and hid my face in my hands.

without another word, he asked my if i wanted a blessing.

{in the LDS church we believe that men who hold the priesthood can give a special prayer, also called a blessing, by the laying on of hands and by inspiration, to one who is sick or otherwise in need of special counsel, comfort, or healing {just as Jesus Christ and his Apostles did in their time}.

i agreed and he gave me a blessing.

i was so comforted by his words, and the love that i felt not only from him, but also from our loving Father in Heaven that my tears stopped and i was comforted and able to relax.

i am so grateful to have a husband who holds the priesthood and for the power of blessings in my life.

i don't know what i would have done without the husband last night.

and i am calling the doctor right now.

i will keep you all posted.

freaky friday:

ironic that when i went to type in 'freaky friday' my computer went on the fritz and posted just the title that i had written before i had time to type anything else...hmmm. freaky?!

anyway, the reason for this post is because something crazy happened!!! {ok it wasn't that crazy, but it was a little strange}

this one is for all you 'LOST' fans out there...

last weekend the husband, my mom and i were watching LOST {the television show}...to those of you who don't watch it, be careful starting it...it is A-DICTING.

for those of you who DO watch it, SHHHH i haven't finished watching the last season, so no spoiling it for me :] and i promise i wont spoil it for you if you haven't finished and you keep reading...

like i said, we were watching an episode {i think it was the 8th?} of the last season and i legitimately had to pause the dvd and turn to my husband and say "WHAT?!?!?!"...the episode that was playing before my eyes had more LDS church ideas and 'stuff' than i could handle without stopping and saying something.

obviously they worded everything differently than the church does, but the similarities between the dialogues in the show and what i was taught by the missionaries was uncanny. i even turned to my mom and said "remember when the missionaries taught you about...blah blah blah" and she was shocked to realize the similarities. {not to mention the quick conversation we had was a good refresher for her on a church topic}.

anyway, this post is really random, and very confusing, but i had to let you all know....i swear, the church is integrated in everything i do...

it's freaky.

primary songs and kids to come.

{reflecting on gina's comment about "thinking about the future for comfort" from this post}

i was driving to my mom's house just yesterday and the husband and i were listening to the Children's Songbook CD Collection...this one:

{for those of you who are not LDS it is a compilation of TONS of songs that are sung at church by the children in sunday school}

i put in the discs as a little bit of a joke because i wanted to prove to the husband that i knew all the books of the new testament in order... {there are songs to help you memorize things like that}. after accomplishing my goal of surprising him with my raw singing talent {not!}, we started listening to other primary songs that he remembers from when he was younger.

some of them are good, some are a little irritating, but all in all they are sweet. and let's face it, kids love to sing!

well, all of a sudden a song came on and it was a family singing "when there's love at home". it immediately made me think to the future...a flash of the husband and i, and our little children singing popped into my head. i was overwhelmed with the spirit.

its funny how one second you can be laughing and making fun of a silly song, the next you can be watery-eyed and emotional.

i cannot believe that one day the husband and i will have children {God willing} and they will be singing primary songs. they will go to church. they will be baptized.

it is all surreal.

so thank you gina for helping me to think about the future and the joy that it will bring. it does help, and it makes it all worth it!

advice...i need it!

ok, so i need advice.

blogging: i love it. i love being able to express my feelings {good and bad} and i love having somewhere to write everything down {other than my personal journal}.

mostly i love that when i am confused about something, upset or struggling, or just trying to better understand, i can write about it and through the writing process i am able to more clearly think about the topic/issue and really evaluate.

here lies the problem: i don't mind putting myself out there for strangers... at all! in fact i love it! i was just featured on one of my favorite blogs "that wife" {you can check out her wonderful blog and read the post here}. the thought of strangers and new friends reading my blog was exciting.

i also don't mind sharing my blog with friends from church. what i have found is that it is uncomfortable, for lack of a better way to put it, telling or sharing my blog with non-member friends and my family. i feel embarrassed telling them about it.

my friends who have read my blog tell me i need to be more brave to just post the link on my facebook account because it is worth sharing!...but i can't do it.

in fact i've tried... two days ago. i posted the link under 'my website' and then after i clicked submit and went straight back and deleted it.

i am worried friends will no longer be my friend because i am LDS. that they will think i am weird and gossip about me behind my back {something i know is already going on, and hurts to think about}. THE WORST PART ABOUT IT IS: those are the types of friends i would never want to have in the first place AND all my real friends already know i am a member and i am still embarrassed to share my blog.

what is my problem!? if everyone already knows, and i am in no way ashamed of my choices, then why is it so hard for me to tell those people who are close to me about it?

also, and this is a BIG issue. as you may have noticed, i have a very good relationship with my mom. i love her so much! she means the world to me and i tell her EVERYTHING {save some details of course}... she has no idea i have a blog! so many of my struggles as a convert are family related. surely i wouldn't be able to voice my true feelings as a convert {the very purpose of this blog} if they are mommy related and mommy is reading the blog! at the same time, maybe she should know?!

help!