change.

some things need to change...

you know when you are listening to the radio and you keep hearing songs that make you think, "i swear that song was written for me!" or "that is exactly how i feel!"... well that has been happening to me a little too much lately.

i keep hearing songs which make me think that i need to work on this or that. i think it is the holy ghost trying to get me to hear what it has to say...because i am not doing a very good job listening these days.

ugh. i hate the ruts we put ourselves in!

but like i said some things are going to change starting now.

why is it that when i ask the husband to do something for me, could be as simple as getting me a glass of water, he does it, willingly...but when he asks me to do the same for him i have the worst attitude like it's a pain in the you know what?!

my life got so stressful and so overwhleming that i lost sense of what is really important...and that is not me... its those around me.

my goal, and please, feel free to hold me accoutable {message me, email me, formspring me, etc}, is to be as selfless as i can be.

its not my time anymore, its time for everyone else... especially the handsome husband i have who is sitting right next to me, oblivious i am writing this all about him! :)

{it's time for your babes}

update and new talk date.

just a little update...

although i haven't left our apartment in 3 days...and i feel like a hermit...pajamas and movies all day, not showering or getting ready {it's awful} i can finally swallow without fire in my throat, it's a miracle. my throat doesn't really hurt at all anymore, the antibiotics are helping a lot!

now it's just a lot of congestion and a killer cough, literally killer...i have to take the biggest breath before i cough or else i run out of oxygen to get through it! it sucks, BIG time.

anyway...i am alive, still pretty sick, but alive.

the husband came home after church on sunday {yes i was right, i cried when i saw him} but he read me his talk and pretended that he was giving it again. it was great, not as good as seeing him 'live' but still wonderful.

i just found out that i will be giving my talk on sunday the 13th. i am happy that i didn't go to all that planning for nothing, but sad because my talk really went well with the husbands.

oh well. nothing i can do about it now.

for those of you who asked, look for my talk to be posted on Sunday the 13th {of March}.

and for everyone out there, i hope you are having a wonderful week!

headaches.

so to start things off i just have to give some background info...

my whole life i have gotten headaches. i have been poked and prodded by doctors but none of them can tell me what is causing them.

these headaches are not just every once in a while, they are about 4-5 times per week, sometimes more...and recently have turned into mostly migraines. {whereas i used to get migraines, but only rarely}.

my headaches are now offset by everything.

working out.

watching tv.

studying.

doing anything really.

and let me tell you that feeling nauseous, along with being sensitive to light, along with feeling even worse if you move or talk is not fun... at all!

because they have been getting worse than ever i have considered going back in to the doctors to see if, yet again, they can try to find the cure.

well, the past week i started seeing stars every once in a while and now i know i need to go to the doctor, because that is BAD. i will be sitting, minding my own business, and little stars appear and disappear in an instant in my eyes.

{i promise this is going to relate to church, so just keep reading}.

last night the husband and i were sitting in our office talking about randomness when the little stars appeared and in my head i heard myself say, "you need to go to the doctors", only it wasn't me talking...it was the spirit talking to me through myself {if that makes any sense}.

i stopped talking awkwardly, and the husband asked what was going on.

i was embarrassed for some reason to say anything, but the moment i started telling him what had just happened i started crying, and hid my face in my hands.

without another word, he asked my if i wanted a blessing.

{in the LDS church we believe that men who hold the priesthood can give a special prayer, also called a blessing, by the laying on of hands and by inspiration, to one who is sick or otherwise in need of special counsel, comfort, or healing {just as Jesus Christ and his Apostles did in their time}.

i agreed and he gave me a blessing.

i was so comforted by his words, and the love that i felt not only from him, but also from our loving Father in Heaven that my tears stopped and i was comforted and able to relax.

i am so grateful to have a husband who holds the priesthood and for the power of blessings in my life.

i don't know what i would have done without the husband last night.

and i am calling the doctor right now.

i will keep you all posted.

freaky friday:

ironic that when i went to type in 'freaky friday' my computer went on the fritz and posted just the title that i had written before i had time to type anything else...hmmm. freaky?!

anyway, the reason for this post is because something crazy happened!!! {ok it wasn't that crazy, but it was a little strange}

this one is for all you 'LOST' fans out there...

last weekend the husband, my mom and i were watching LOST {the television show}...to those of you who don't watch it, be careful starting it...it is A-DICTING.

for those of you who DO watch it, SHHHH i haven't finished watching the last season, so no spoiling it for me :] and i promise i wont spoil it for you if you haven't finished and you keep reading...

like i said, we were watching an episode {i think it was the 8th?} of the last season and i legitimately had to pause the dvd and turn to my husband and say "WHAT?!?!?!"...the episode that was playing before my eyes had more LDS church ideas and 'stuff' than i could handle without stopping and saying something.

obviously they worded everything differently than the church does, but the similarities between the dialogues in the show and what i was taught by the missionaries was uncanny. i even turned to my mom and said "remember when the missionaries taught you about...blah blah blah" and she was shocked to realize the similarities. {not to mention the quick conversation we had was a good refresher for her on a church topic}.

anyway, this post is really random, and very confusing, but i had to let you all know....i swear, the church is integrated in everything i do...

it's freaky.

formspring.

i was asked a VERY good question on formspring.

one that i have wondered myself at times, and had to get the asnwer from someone other than myself... so i figured i would share it with you all {including the answer}.

my formspring box is over on the righthand side of the blog...don't be shy, ask {mostly} any questions and i will do my best to answer it!

question from 'anonymous':

"You sound lovely, but how come your husband was willing to date a wild party girl (before!) when he was mormon?"

{thanksgiving 2005...post 'turkey bowl' win! and 3 years before my baptism}

answer:

Sometimes I wonder that myself...he has more patience than anyone I know that's for sure!

While I wouldn't necessarily tag myself as a "wild" party girl {though I did drink} I think meeting in high school helped. There were not many LDS kids at our public high school and so most of his friends drank- though he did not, they completely supported him for his choice not to.

We had the same core group of friends our Junior Year in High School which is when we both started liking each other. I don't think we would have met in college because he would have never gone looking for his future wife in that crowd...so I am really lucky...

ultimately I am not sure why he was willing to stick-it-out with me...let's ask him!

Husband's Response:

"Interesting question, I don't think I have ever been asked that before. Going off of what

Kristen already said, we met when we were in High School, I have tried to look past peoples actions and see them for the good (I think the good naturally outweighs the bad for most people). I saw Kristen for what she really was, not the partying or differing views of faith we had, but rather a person with so much good and beauty. Both inside and out.

Kristen was inherently different than all of the other girls at high school. There was just "something" about her. Admittedly it was very tough on our relationship through the first 2 college years, but I would say it also brought us a lot closer at the same time.

So to sum it all up, me being Mormon only helped me have the opportunity to look deeper at Kristen, rather than just seeing her looks/appearances and what you see on the outside. If I did not have my faith and was not Mormon I would have probably never even been looking for a girlfriend. I would have probably never stuck it out and would not be married to this wonderful woman.

Being LDS is all about trying to emulate Christ, and trying to become a better person through Him. It is about changing yourself into something that you were not previously. I guess it has taught me to see people in that same light.

Thanks again for the question!

-The Husband "

{may 2010...my 23rd birthday}

{he makes me smile...a lot!}

resolutions...

happy new year!

i cannot believe it's the start of yet another year... a fresh start, a new beginning!

i have never been the 'resolution' type, but this year i am going to try...

the past few months, since being married, have been crazy. i am not going to lie and say that they have been easy because they have definitely had their ups and downs, however i will say that they have been wonderful all the same.

although we've been together for over 6 years, since being married and living with my husband i learn something new about him every day. i learn something new about myself, oh... every other second.

one thing that i have learned is that most of the 'downs' in the past few months have been related to one thing: my patience... while i thought that i had patience, i realize i have none. this is definitely a problem, for example when my cute husband loads the dishwasher and thinks i will have a sigh of relief but rather i sigh with frustration because he put the silverware in upside down.... come on kristen! who cares!!!

so what is my resolution?!....i can tell you are all just holding your breath waiting to find out {note the sarcasm}.

to be more patient and and to be more confident in myself.

i know that with more patience my whole life will run more smoothly... i wont get upset when i am stuck at a red light, or when i am at the grocery store and the line i chose is the worst! {isn't that how it always works out?!} or when the stupid silverware is upside down. life will just be better with patience.

and the second part of my resolution: have i mentioned that i have no self-confidence?! i am always frustrated with this or that about myself... that i wish this was different or that i didn't have that 'issue'. it drives the husband absolutely crazy because in his eyes i am...wait for it... "perfect". oh bless him, what a sweetheart! {but what a crazy man!! i mean seriously, who's perfect? and how boring is perfect!!}

my goal is to come to love who i am, and for everything that i am...no ifs, ands and despite the butt! {hehe}

humor aside, i am ready for what the new year has to offer me and excited to work on my goals!

i am not sure if 2011 can beat an engagement and a wedding... but i guess we'll just have to wait and see.

happy new year to you and your family...here's to 2011!

prescription filled!

yesterday was eventful. to say the least.

like this post mentioned, i have been having a little trouble with being excited about going to church. it's been frustrating because i know i love church... but i have just wondered why its been hard to go lately.

i said i needed to figure out the answer...

i said i would inform you when i found the answer. i found it yesterday.

my husband and i have not been to the temple since we were married...{which was one of the best/most amazing spiritual experiences of my life}. we finally went back yesterday.

both a little nervous because we were on our own {without having an 'escort' or family that knew what they were doing and had experience being at the temple} we went anyway.

the second we walked in the temple i was overcome with happiness. the temple is an amazing place. it is hard to miss feeling the holy spirit there... i was overcome with emotions and fought back tears multiple times during the temple session we went to.

once we were done we got lunch and went home.

all day i had been having pains in my stomach that started the night before. i figured they would get better but as the pain escalated and shooting pains started in my lower abdomen i was convinced to get a hold of the doctor on call.

before i even explained everything that was going on she quickly advised me that i needed to go to the emergency room as soon as i could.

reluctant, i went. {with my wonderful sister-in-law, as my husband was unable to come with me}.

2 hours later, at about 11:00pm, after being tested in every single way they could... and feeling a little 'medically molested' as my sister-in-law and i named it {i am extremely shy when it comes to going to the doctor} they informed me that i had an ovarian cyst that had ruptured which was causing internal bleeding.

the bleeding was causing severe pain but unfortunately all you can do is take advil for the internal swelling, medicine for the pain and wait it out.

i am in the waiting period right now.

now you must be wondering how any of this relates to me being happy about going to church.

well...when i got home i was lying with my husband in bed and i was in the best mood i have been in in a long time.

i was thinking about the temple.

the temple is such a blessing. it puts into perspective the important aspects of life and brings the spirit so close to your heart.

i could have been wallowing in my sorrows of pain, but rather the spirit was comforting me and i was happy. PLUS i was overcome with an excitement for going to church in the morning.

i know, without a shadow of a doubt that my feelings were caused by my husband and i going to the temple and the blessing that going to the temple brings into your home.

i am so grateful to be able to live so close to a temple. i am grateful to be able to go to the temple.

i am grateful for the temple and the happiness it brings into my life.

it wont be long before i go back again.