screaming...

have you ever been around something that made you so excited you felt like screaming?

not scared screaming.

happy, i cannot hold it in any longer, i have goosebumps, i am kid with too much sugar screaming. 

{sort of like when a toddler sees something they are SUPER excited about and squeals}

that was me.

this weekend.

watching the awesome  no, ridiculously amazing Blue Angels fly over my head.

and believe me when i say:

they are loud. 

and so crazy!

i don't even like riding bikes next to people because i am afraid we are going to crash,

or maybe our handle bars will get stuck together...

 let alone fly a jet plane going 700 MPH flying only 18 INCHES apart. 

in case you forgot, that is just a little longer than a standard ruler. 

holy moly.

i was like a kid on christmas morning. 

those crazy suckers bring my right back to my childhood
when i would run outside the house i grew up in 

to watch them race by and fill the sky with smoke.

i love summer! 

{the husband and his dad...we call him 'the todd'}

what are your summer traditions?

the temple.

we finally made it to the temple again... and can i just say, there is not a more serene, calm place that exists on this earth.

i felt like time had literally slowed down, and the husband and i could have been in there forever and not missed a thing going on in the hustle and bustle of life! i wish that the husband and i would be motivated to go more often...

why do we all, as humans, have bursts of motivation followed by periods of pure and utter laziness and lack of care?! 

it happens to everyone with work, school work, hobbies, working out, and really anything...i just wish it didn't.

if any of you out there have a magic tip about keeping motivation alive, holler at your girl. ;-p 

i wont be back until after the holiday weekend...have a WONDERFUL fourth of july, i will 'see' you all soon! 

dandelions always remind me of a firework!
so...if you cannot have fireworks where you live this weekend,
find some of the puppies and blow away!
{but don't forget to make a wish!!} 

can't hold it in any longer!!

i am going to be a FIRST GRADE TEACHER next year!! 

i just got the call, and i am literally bursting at the seams. 

this has been amazing year, and i cannot believe i am being blessed with...

 my dream job!!!

going to a wedding.

i am going to a wedding today.

the husband has been asked if he would video/photograph the wedding as the wedding is a good friend's. the guy has never shot a wedding before, is very nervous, and has been watching video tutorials for about a week straight to get some new shot ideas and camera adjustments. (i know he will do an amazing job. the man pours his heart and soul into ever project he does).

anyway, going to a wedding obviously makes me reflect on my own wedding. but mostly, because the wedding we are going to is not an LDS wedding, it makes me reflect upon the temple. it is a reminder to me how special my wedding day was...

when the husband and i were sealed, it was indescribable. the spirit inside the temple was so strong that day that i knew i was where i needed to be. i knew i had made the right, although insanely tough, decision to be married away from my family (who are not LDS) and be married/sealed in the temple. the temple is a remarkable place. i wish i could relive my wedding day over and over.

the husband and i coming out of the temple. you can read more about my wedding day here.

a woman's worth

this post is for the ladies...sorry boys!

last sunday at church, there was a lesson about "motherhood"...yes, it probably should have been saved for this weekend...but that is ok. :)

we talked about the fact that every woman, with child or not, is a mother. we can be a mother to our friends, a mother to our family, a mother to those around us...a mother to or for pretty much anyone.

i loved that the lesson wasn't only focused on those who have children...there are many who either cannot have children, are having trouble with getting pregnant, have lost children, aren't in their child-bearing stage of life (aka me) and everything in between.

but the main point, like i said, is that all women are mothers.

i agree.

do we not all, as women, have that innate, sensitive, caring bone within us?!

i think all women do... it's just a fact: women are more sensitive (and way awesome...-er) than men. :)

i am so excited to be a mother when the right time comes... but until then, i will be a mother in other ways... for other's that might need a mother. (thinking especially of the little first graders in my class who need a little extra 'mom' time in their life because they are not getting the time at home. {insert breaking heart sound here})

i am sending my love to you all and wishing you a wonderful mother's day weekend! tell a mother, grandmother, friend, or anyone for that matter, how much you care for them... and please don't forget how blessed you are... all of you.

easter...late!

i hope you all had a wonderful easter! {i know, i know... i am WAY late...but thats just how i am these days. behind on everything}

i love easter. i love the story of the first easter, and the spirit that it brings every time i hear it.

can you imagine how mary must have felt?! i cannot even dream to understand how she felt, and it makes me wonder how i will feel when i really meet him...wow.

i love that i celebrated easter pre-baptism, and i still get to. score.

i love those similarities. it makes me feel at home talking about stories i know! :] remember this?!

i mostly loved that i sang my favorite easter hymn in church, "Christ the Lord is risen today"...i sang that growing up in the episcopal church and it is also in the LDS hymn book. double score.

anyway, i hope you all had an amazing easter!

any fun traditions that you all do on easter?!

another great question...

question:

There are lots of things I genuinely like about the Mormom church but lots of historical things that make me question and seem illogical (to me). Did you deal with any of these doubts when you converted or have any problems with things like this?

answer:

I definitely had my questions. I, as many people, had heard rumors and stories about the mormon church before being a member. In fact, in the beginning of my relationship with my now husband, if I was asked whether I would ever convert to mormonism I would give a foul look at said "no way!" because of what I had heard.

Three things I struggled with were: 1) polygamy 2) the temple and 3) Joseph Smith/ The Book of Mormon

Polygamy: My now-father-in-law is a very smart and well educated man, especially in church history. It took only one conversation on the topic of polygamy to understand why it was a necessary thing in the past. To many people's disbelief, it was never for {and excuse my bluntness} sexual reasons. The early church members were NOT sexual deviants...rather if you look into church history polygamy started as many of the men in the church were being killed for their beliefs. The women were left on their own right before having to cross the United States with their children on foot. Specific men, NOT all LDS men were called to marry other women. It would have been inappropriate for men to have lived with and cared for the women and children if not married...thus polygamy started. Now, of course, polygamy is illegal and the church stands by that full force. Any member of the church who tries to have a polygamous relationship is excommunicated {something that is relatively hard to have happen}.

The Temple:

I cannot stand being left in the dark. When I am learning about something, I want to know everything. This brought a problem when learning about the Temple because I just wanted to go inside! I didn't care I wasn't a member...it wasn't fair I couldn't go in. My interest in what went on inside was only heightened when my mom told me AWFUL stories about what she had heard happened inside to women. I was disgusted, mortified, and did not want to go. I relayed this information to my husband {then boyfriend} and he helped me tremendously. He, admittingly frustrated that I would believe such stories told me this, "My Dad loves my Mom more than anything. He loves his daughters more than anything... do you EVER think that he would let something like that happen to them?!"...I felt a little silly realizing what I had believed and realized that nothing like that would happen in the temple.

My confidence, love and excitement to go to the temple came through prayers this experience {http://throughtheeyesofamormon.blogspot.com/2010/04/vancouver-bc-temple.html} and and overwhelming feeling of confidence I received through the Holy Ghost as driving by the Temple one day. I can say, since being to the Temple that it is an amazing place of peace, happiness, and love. I don't think anything un-pure or negative could happen there.

Joseph Smith/ The Book of Mormon:

This is probably the number one thing people struggle with. It is an amazing, unbelievable thing to think of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appearing to a boy of 14. I was told that if I didn't believe that they appeared to him, but read the book of mormon and found the words in the book to be true, the Joseph Smith 'story' must then be true as well, for if Joseph Smith had not seen Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ then the Book of Mormon would not exist.

Since being a member of the church, I have learned many more things about The Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith that help confirm to me that he saw what he did and that there is no way he could have made up the Book of Mormon. One such way was through talking to someone who had served a mission and had met a man who had lived in the Middle East. He was not a member of the church but knew the area's spoken of in the Book of Mormon very well. He expressed to the missionaries that there is no way someone could write about those places in that time without visiting the Middle East, which Joseph Smith had never done. The middle-eastern man joined the church as soon as he could even though he would have been killed for doing so if he returned to his home. He expressed to the missionaries who warned him he could be killed, "wouldn't you die for this church?"

Ultimately, like the how I gained confidence about the Temple, many prayers and thought were put into understanding Joseph Smith and what he went through {and also the Book of Mormon}. The more I read and the more I research the more I understand and realize there is no way he came up with the words written in the Book of Mormon by himself and I know that the words within it are inspired of God. So I no longer have an issue with this at all!

Sorry for the lengthy, scrambled answer! If I made other questions come up, feel free to ask!

Have a good one!

:]

Delete

resolutions...

happy new year!

i cannot believe it's the start of yet another year... a fresh start, a new beginning!

i have never been the 'resolution' type, but this year i am going to try...

the past few months, since being married, have been crazy. i am not going to lie and say that they have been easy because they have definitely had their ups and downs, however i will say that they have been wonderful all the same.

although we've been together for over 6 years, since being married and living with my husband i learn something new about him every day. i learn something new about myself, oh... every other second.

one thing that i have learned is that most of the 'downs' in the past few months have been related to one thing: my patience... while i thought that i had patience, i realize i have none. this is definitely a problem, for example when my cute husband loads the dishwasher and thinks i will have a sigh of relief but rather i sigh with frustration because he put the silverware in upside down.... come on kristen! who cares!!!

so what is my resolution?!....i can tell you are all just holding your breath waiting to find out {note the sarcasm}.

to be more patient and and to be more confident in myself.

i know that with more patience my whole life will run more smoothly... i wont get upset when i am stuck at a red light, or when i am at the grocery store and the line i chose is the worst! {isn't that how it always works out?!} or when the stupid silverware is upside down. life will just be better with patience.

and the second part of my resolution: have i mentioned that i have no self-confidence?! i am always frustrated with this or that about myself... that i wish this was different or that i didn't have that 'issue'. it drives the husband absolutely crazy because in his eyes i am...wait for it... "perfect". oh bless him, what a sweetheart! {but what a crazy man!! i mean seriously, who's perfect? and how boring is perfect!!}

my goal is to come to love who i am, and for everything that i am...no ifs, ands and despite the butt! {hehe}

humor aside, i am ready for what the new year has to offer me and excited to work on my goals!

i am not sure if 2011 can beat an engagement and a wedding... but i guess we'll just have to wait and see.

happy new year to you and your family...here's to 2011!

if you just believe...

christmas can be a hard time of year.

amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, and in spite of the holiday parties and sugar cookies galore, it is also a time where we reflect on ourselves and our families.

for me it is the time of year that reminds me that my family is not what is always was...

what i mean is that it is this time of year that really makes me think about my parents divorce and how much i wish that it never happened, how much i wish that my cute little family was one again...instead of little pieces.

i have been told that i shouldn't be bothered by it...that i am 23 and i should just grow up and get over it. but i don't see it that way. whether you are 3 or 43 i think it would still be hard to see your family going through something like that.

regardless what people say, i cannot help but be a little sad at this time of year thinking and dreaming about christmas past.

when i am feeling this way i turn to josh groban's song "believe":

"children sleeping, snow is softly falling

dreams are calling like bells in the distance
we were dreamers not so long ago
but one by one we all had to grow up
when it seems the magic's slipped away
we find it all again on Christmas day

believe in what your heart is saying

hear the melody that's playing

there's no time to waste
there's so much to celebrate
believe in what you feel inside
and give your dreams the wings to fly
you have everything you need
if you just believe"

if you haven't heard the song, find it on itunes and listen to it, it is beautiful... {from the polar express soundtrack}.

i especially love the part in red because it is so true. no matter how we are feeling before christmas...the joy, laughter, smiles, and company -no matter who it is- on christmas make the day truly magical.

i wish everyday could feel like christmas.

with that...

"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house..."

...you know the rest of the story. get off your computer, snuggle by a fire, and go finish it with your family and loved ones.

and please, have a VERY merry christmas!

love always,

prescription filled!

yesterday was eventful. to say the least.

like this post mentioned, i have been having a little trouble with being excited about going to church. it's been frustrating because i know i love church... but i have just wondered why its been hard to go lately.

i said i needed to figure out the answer...

i said i would inform you when i found the answer. i found it yesterday.

my husband and i have not been to the temple since we were married...{which was one of the best/most amazing spiritual experiences of my life}. we finally went back yesterday.

both a little nervous because we were on our own {without having an 'escort' or family that knew what they were doing and had experience being at the temple} we went anyway.

the second we walked in the temple i was overcome with happiness. the temple is an amazing place. it is hard to miss feeling the holy spirit there... i was overcome with emotions and fought back tears multiple times during the temple session we went to.

once we were done we got lunch and went home.

all day i had been having pains in my stomach that started the night before. i figured they would get better but as the pain escalated and shooting pains started in my lower abdomen i was convinced to get a hold of the doctor on call.

before i even explained everything that was going on she quickly advised me that i needed to go to the emergency room as soon as i could.

reluctant, i went. {with my wonderful sister-in-law, as my husband was unable to come with me}.

2 hours later, at about 11:00pm, after being tested in every single way they could... and feeling a little 'medically molested' as my sister-in-law and i named it {i am extremely shy when it comes to going to the doctor} they informed me that i had an ovarian cyst that had ruptured which was causing internal bleeding.

the bleeding was causing severe pain but unfortunately all you can do is take advil for the internal swelling, medicine for the pain and wait it out.

i am in the waiting period right now.

now you must be wondering how any of this relates to me being happy about going to church.

well...when i got home i was lying with my husband in bed and i was in the best mood i have been in in a long time.

i was thinking about the temple.

the temple is such a blessing. it puts into perspective the important aspects of life and brings the spirit so close to your heart.

i could have been wallowing in my sorrows of pain, but rather the spirit was comforting me and i was happy. PLUS i was overcome with an excitement for going to church in the morning.

i know, without a shadow of a doubt that my feelings were caused by my husband and i going to the temple and the blessing that going to the temple brings into your home.

i am so grateful to be able to live so close to a temple. i am grateful to be able to go to the temple.

i am grateful for the temple and the happiness it brings into my life.

it wont be long before i go back again.

stressed

why is it that stress always hits you in one big tsunami wave!?

in my life, as i am sure in most of yours, everything has to happen at once.

for me right now it's finals week, school assignments, planning with my corresponding teacher who will help me with my student teaching {that i will be starting in january!} and meeting the kids in my new classroom, family in town, church callings, buying gifts, and on top of all of that its the busiest time of the year...which just so happens to be the time of year you want to cuddle up on the couch next to your christmas tree with your loved ones and do...nothing! but you continue to shop, go to parties, decorate cookies galore, eat cookies galore, and plan for endless festive activities...

why is life so hectic? scratch that...why do we make life so hectic?! i mean seriously, its crazy!

amidst the hustle and bustle of this holiday season it is my hope that we can all slow it down and take the time to cuddle with our family on the couch and that most of all we can remember what this time of year is all about...

the birth of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

even santa knows what's important...

giving thanks.

yes i know it is the day after thanksgiving...but it is never too late to give thanks.

i am so thankful for so many things in my life:

for my family.

for my friends.

for my amazing husband...and his incredible patience.

for a roof over my head.

for the ability to choose.

for my health and strength.

for the LDS church.

for prayer.

for the seasons...each one of them and the beauty they bring.

for the amazing technologies we have in this generation that keep us safe.

for school {most of the time :] }

and for everything in between.

this is truly and amazing time of year... cherish the small, tender moments in life. those are the ones that last forever in our memories.

what does it mean to be sealed?

we have all heard the words "until death do you part"...but have we all thought about what that phrase actually means?

in a typical wedding...and by typical i mean non-LDS wedding or in other words: a civil ceremony, the words "until death do you part" are spoken as the officiant announces the newly married couple...this has a significant meaning that many people do not really think about...this 'phrase' means that the couple is married here, on earth, only so long as they are alive...the moment that either of the married pair passes away the marriage that bonded them together is broken.

what is different about an LDS wedding is that the bonds of marriage are placed on the couple forever...for an eternity. this unbreakable bond is known as a "sealing". as a couple enters the temple for their wedding they enter a sealing room: kneeling before an alter the pair make promises to each other and they are not only pronounced man and wife but they are sealed to each other for time and all eternity. how amazing is that?!

a little over a month ago, on august 6th, 2010 i had the amazing opportunity to be sealed to my, now, husband. yes, you did read that right...in the time i have been away from my blog i was married..and what an experience it was.

i will be the first to admit, and i am being totally honest which is the purpose of this blog...the real life thoughts of a convert to the mormon church... i was nervous the morning of our sealing. with all new things in life we get nervous. however, that nervousness vanished instantly when i entered the sealing room in the temple and saw the familiar faces of my friends and soon-to-be family.

the spirit was so strong in the room that i don't think there was a dry eye. i tried my best to keep it together but was so moved by the words of the temple sealer (the man who married/sealed us together) that i couldn't contain my tears and was crying (hard) next to the man that i love, who was also crying (something that i have not seen in the six years we have been together).

the feeling was amazing.

i still feel amazing.

although it was very difficult not having my family inside the temple, i know in my heart and have been validated through feelings of the spirit that being sealed in the temple is what i was supposed to do.

i will never regret it.

vancouver b.c. temple

words cannot truly express my experience at the open house of the vancouver b.c. temple. as we pulled into the driveway i was overcome with the spirit and i knew that it was going to be an experience that i would never forget.

as we walked from room to room with our tour guide i was in awe of the beauty that i was surrounded by. every one of the rooms we entered was magnificent. even the chandeliers were so brilliant that it was impossible to not be captured by their immaculate beauty.

as we entered the sealing room (the last room on the tour and the room in the temple in which couples are married and sealed together for time and all eternity) i was filled with happiness and i couldn't help but glance behind me where my fiancé was standing. we exchanged smiles and i know that we were both thinking the same thing...that in just a little over 3 months we would be standing in a room very similar to the one we were in and that WE would be getting sealed to one another for eternity. tears of love, joy, peace, and happiness flooded my eyes.

having not only my fiancé and his brother and dad with us, but also my brother and mom along made the trip very special to me. the fact the i was able to share in this experience with them means the world to me....

my brother who has never showed an interest in spiritual...well... anything, was asking questions and and seeking answers. my mom, though still reserved towards some ideas of the LDS church was able to acknowledge and truly enjoy the simplistic elegance that is inside the temple.

my testimony of temples grows every day and the love and respect i have for my family and their support is inexpressible....

i am overwhelmed by the countless blessings and opportunities that i have been given since being a member of the LDS church... and i know in my heart that somehow the pathway that lies ahead of me is going to be even more amazing that the trails that are behind me.