i'm a salmon.

last weekend i had the opportunity to go to a local salmon hatchery.

i know... it sounds really exciting {note my sarcasm}.

the thing is...

it was actually very cool.

when you first arrive, you walk over a small bridge where you can see countless salmon.

these salmon are returning to where they were born.

 after a lifetime of making their way to the icy oceans

 {from this exact hatchery} 

and growing into mature fish,

these salmon return to their birthplace, to reproduce, which will end their life cycle.

 the hundreds of salmon we watched from the bridge were attempting to jump upstream 

passed a man-made fish barrier.

after repeated jumps, these salmon try the alternative underwater flow 

which leads to the fish ladders and ultimately, holding ponds.

the ladders at the hatchery are surrounded by glass walls.

this is to allow observers to watch as the fish use every last ounce of energy they have

 to make it to the holding ponds.

many of the fish die in this process, if not before.

many of the fish in the ladders are clearly bruised, beaten, and sickly.

so, i know you are now wondering why the heck i am writing about salmon.
i promise there is a correlation.

the thing is, after watching these salmon try to make their way back home,
i realized something strange...

we, as christians, are just like the salmon in a sense.
weird analogy, i know, but hear me out...

in the LDS church, we believe that we came to earth from a pre-mortal existence.
we lived with our father in heaven and chose to come to earth.
we are blessed with a body at birth
and are given free agency to make our own choices as we learn and grow.

just like the salmon who leave the hatchery to mature and grow,
and then do everything in their power to return to the hatchery...
we come to earth in order to gain experiences,
 to make choices {hopefully good ones},
to learn,
to develop and to progress into the best people we can,
all so that we can return to heaven again.

so, what are we, 

if not like the salmon...

spending our entire lives trying to build ourselves up.

trying to reach a 'higher ground' {or ladders in the salmon's case...}

trying to be better people.
trying to get home.

{my cute family on the bridge} 

{my sister-in-law and niece looking over the bridge at the salmon} 

{niece and nephew} 

{salmon watching}

{my beautiful niece} 

{grandpa loves his grandkids!}

{i spy a salmon!}

{baby c obviously had a great time too!}

music.

'popular' music, the music on the radio, in my opinion, is designed to distract you...

meaning-- its music that has a catchy beat, 

but if you truly listen to the words 

it's littered with sex, partying, drugs, and all things worldly and material.

its designed to make you feel good,

to make you think about yourself, to want to dance and have fun.

it's designed to make you feel wanted and attractive.

don't get me wrong, 

you can often find me jamming out to some of the 'popular' tunes on the radio.

i will be the first to admit that.

but the music i listen to is a little bit different these days, especially with baby c in the car.

there is nothing like having a little one to change your perspective.

i've turned off a lot of the 'popular' music on radio stations 

and started being much more selective on what i chose to listen to.

we've been listening to more classical music,

more church hymns,

and now, we will get a chance to listen to lullabies. 

there is nothing like baby lullabies to help you slow down

 and help you truly realize the world around you.

i have noticed since this change i am also a happier person when i drive. 

i am less stressed, and much more patient.

i am not, in any way, saying that you shouldn't listen to the music in the radio,
i just know that the music i listen to dramatically changes my mood.
for example, you wouldn't listen to calming lullabies prior to running a marathon...
you'd want music to pump you up and make you excited.

i would challenge you, 

even if you don't have a child in the car, 

to be more selective with your music choice and see how it makes you feel.

if you are feeling anxious or impatient, in the car especially, 

try switching up the tunes you are listening to.

i think you'll be surprised.

i just burned a cd today and will put it in the car this afternoon.

it totally brought me back to my high school days...

you know, when making mixes and decorating cd's was the cool thing to do. 

so be a cool kid, and go burn a cd! 

the new me.

since i have been gone there have been some big changes in my life.

a lot can happen in a year. 

but of course you already know that.

if you are new to my blog, or an old friend, i figured i'd 'reintroduce' myself and give you some background on the new me. 

brace yourself.

this will be a lengthy one.

if you were already reading my blog 

you knew i was pregnant from the post prior to my disappearance. 

i am no longer pregnant (obviously) 

and have a beautiful baby girl. 

right from the get-go, the stinker is just like her dad: stubborn.  

our stubborn little babe was 10 days overdue. 

and i had to be induced. 

that was a ball of fun. 

let.me.tell.you.

actually, i won't get into that can of worms. 

lets just say-- i hope to never be induced again.

baby c (the cutie from yesterday) is now 3 months old. 

she is such a bundle of sweetness in our life.

and obviously has dad wrapped around her pinky.

i mentioned yesterday i had a change in careers.

i am now a proud SAHM.

aka 

stay at home momma

it's been a big change, but a great one too.

i miss the smell of crayons. 

setting up my classroom.

 but mostly i miss the little ones in my class.

that being said...

i know that staying home with baby c will be extremely rewarding.

i am grateful for the opportunity to do so.

{maybe i will have to go buy a box of crayons and sniff them... mr. sketch markers anyone?}

ok. i'm writing too much.

{deep breath}

i overuse ellipses...

i don't type with capital letters {usually}.

i'm obsessed with diet coke.
and i love the rain.

disneyland IS the happiest place on earth.

i'm a sugar fiend. 

i want a 'big' family.

i now have an iPhone...i know. i caved.

the husband and i are high school sweethearts (kinda).

AND

ooooobviously, i'm mormon.

 hence the title of my blog.

but i haven't always been.

you can read my conversion story starting with this post.

well...i think this post is long enough.

if you just cannot get enough of me, because you love me that much...

 you can read some more fun facts about me here.

woah.

hey there.

hi there.

no, you aren't dreaming. and yes... 

i. am. back.

after almost a year long hiatus, the birth of a child, and a change in careers...

i am officially back on (in?) the blogosphere.

i have wanted to start back at it for a while and after requests from friends, 

and inspiration from a new friend, 

i decided it was time to make my 'big return'.

so hello! 

i hope you'll still have me. 

now, for your patience...

 here's some eye candy for you: 

it was worth the wait, wasn't it?!

doubts.

here's another formspring question and answer....

did you have doubts right before converting? have you had doubts since?

i have answered the first bit of this one before...

in "the letter"

"i had lost the confidence i had in my decision to be baptized and was so nervous i didn't think i would make it through the night. before i left my boyfriends house that evening he stopped me and said that he had forgotten to give me something...it was a letter from one of the missionaries father..."

{http://throughtheeyesofamormon.blogspot.com/2010/01/letter.html}

it's funny how the spirit and the adversary work...

i had all the confidence in the world with my choice to be baptized...

but the night before my baptism the adversary tried to knock me down as hard as he could.

i am grateful for the love and support that i had and still have, or else my choice would have been much harder.

my baptism would still have happened, but it would have been much more difficult to get into that water.

as for today, and doubts that may have arisen...they haven't.

yes living a "mormon lifestyle" isn't always the easiest...

we live in a day and age where promiscuity and drinking is almost expected.
that is not me, nor will it ever be, but i am ridiculed for not being like everyone else.

does it make it harder to find true friends?

 yes.

does it give me doubts about my choice?

never. 

i know that my choice was the right one to make.

i know that i am where i need to be.

confessions of a convert.

this blog is about my life through mormon eyes right?

right.

on that note, i have something to share...

mormons talk about church a lot.

this is something i used to give my husband a hard time about {in a cute, joking way of course}... i used to tease him that he could take any conversation and "bring it back to church". in other words, he could relate anything to something "churchy".

what i have realized though is that as a member of the LDS church, church comes up every day. i am not talking a mention of the word "church", i am talking a full conversation, literally everyday, comes up naturally no matter how your day is going or what you are doing.

it is because being LDS it isn't just something you do on sunday, it is a lifestyle change. it is a part of who you are.

you could be on a date, with friends, at dinner, with family, at a theme park...it doesn't matter. sometime during the day church will come up.

i know that this is not true of other faiths...because i have lived another faith...i have friends and family of other faiths...i know many people of other faiths... it may be true of some church going people, but seriously...who talks about church everyday?!

well...i do. and i like it.

and that is my confession.