one giant step for...me.

so i was meeting with the missionaries twice a week. once with my mom and once by myself... i liked talking with them and looked forward to learning about the church...

the missionaries have a set of five lessons that help guide them in teaching fundamentals about the church...if an investigator is struggling to grasp a concept, or doesnt agree, or has reservations they will continue to teach that person more about the topic until that individual is ready to move on...

meeting with the missionaries twice a week meant i flew through the lessons...but i was still not ready to take the giant step and be baptized. i had no confidence to help me make that decision and so i kept meeting with the missionaries, only now it was just once a week and without my mom.

those poor missionaries. they had to come up with so many games and things to teach me that it was probably a nightmare for them. but they kept coming back and coming back and coming back.

they finally, and i will say it was very bold, asked me if i would just pick a date to be baptized. nervous, i agreed....BUT i said it had to be after my 21st birthday which was 3 months away.

i had a trip planned to go to vegas with my mom for my birthday...i didnt want to have any regrets about going there and not being able to drink...and i thought that it would hurt my moms feelings a lot if i didnt drink on our trip for my 21st birthday!

it was planned that i would be baptized the second week in june 2008(...after my birthday, after my trip.) i was really nervous, and not at all confident with that decision...but it was set, and i figured i could always change the date or cancel it...

because i was so uneasy, i decided that i was not going to tell anyone...

at least not yet.

missionaries...

so...to be honest... after going to church for 3 months... i knew how the church made me feel. the missionary discussions were a way for me to learn the fundamentals that i needed to know. i wanted my mom there with me because, and i know now, that deep down inside of me i knew i was going to be baptized someday and i really wanted her to know about the church first hand...not from rumors or speculation.

my mom agreed to talk with the missionaries with me. i was really happy she was coming, and really nervous all at the same time. we set up an appointment to meet them at the church building so that my mom could get a "church tour"...basically to show that it is just a normal church building...missionaries often meet at an LDS building for the first discussion to show the "investigator" around the building and get them acclimated.

when we got to the building i was really nervous for my mom to be there...if you could have felt how i did, it was as if i was a member of the church already and i just wanted my mom to feel comfortable and welcome...i can only imagine how nervous the missionaries were.

after looking around the building we went into one of the classrooms and the missionaries taught the first lesson about faith and prayer...

i did not have a great experience once the lesson started. the missionaries seemed to be more focused on my mom than they were on me....not meaning to be selfish, but i wanted them to focus on me, and my interest in the church rather than try to spend all their attention with my mom, who was really just there because i asked her to come with me...

they asked HER to say a prayer, asked HER if she had questions and kept pushing HER to try new things church related...not only did i feel bad she was being pressured, but i knew she was feeling uncomfortable...

unfortunately in the weeks that followed (the missionaries try to meet with investigators once a week) the discussions were all very similar to the first one, with attention toward my mom and not focused on the person, me, who wanted to learn about the church!

i decided, along with my boyfriend who also sat in on our discussions, that i needed to not only meet with the missionaries with my mom, but on my own as well.