change.

some things need to change...

you know when you are listening to the radio and you keep hearing songs that make you think, "i swear that song was written for me!" or "that is exactly how i feel!"... well that has been happening to me a little too much lately.

i keep hearing songs which make me think that i need to work on this or that. i think it is the holy ghost trying to get me to hear what it has to say...because i am not doing a very good job listening these days.

ugh. i hate the ruts we put ourselves in!

but like i said some things are going to change starting now.

why is it that when i ask the husband to do something for me, could be as simple as getting me a glass of water, he does it, willingly...but when he asks me to do the same for him i have the worst attitude like it's a pain in the you know what?!

my life got so stressful and so overwhleming that i lost sense of what is really important...and that is not me... its those around me.

my goal, and please, feel free to hold me accoutable {message me, email me, formspring me, etc}, is to be as selfless as i can be.

its not my time anymore, its time for everyone else... especially the handsome husband i have who is sitting right next to me, oblivious i am writing this all about him! :)

{it's time for your babes}

going to a wedding.

i am going to a wedding today.

the husband has been asked if he would video/photograph the wedding as the wedding is a good friend's. the guy has never shot a wedding before, is very nervous, and has been watching video tutorials for about a week straight to get some new shot ideas and camera adjustments. (i know he will do an amazing job. the man pours his heart and soul into ever project he does).

anyway, going to a wedding obviously makes me reflect on my own wedding. but mostly, because the wedding we are going to is not an LDS wedding, it makes me reflect upon the temple. it is a reminder to me how special my wedding day was...

when the husband and i were sealed, it was indescribable. the spirit inside the temple was so strong that day that i knew i was where i needed to be. i knew i had made the right, although insanely tough, decision to be married away from my family (who are not LDS) and be married/sealed in the temple. the temple is a remarkable place. i wish i could relive my wedding day over and over.

the husband and i coming out of the temple. you can read more about my wedding day here.

the same.

today i went to church at a different building than normal.

we decided to go to church at the husband's cousin's ward building rather than ours (the one his cousin has been coming to) so that she can get to know the people around where she lives.

(for those non-members, LDS church members go to church at buildings based on boundaries where they live)

it was a wonderful experience and it really made me reflect on the LDS church compared to other churches.

i will use my old denomination of church (episcopal) as an example.

i could go to 8 different episcopal churches on the same day and each would have a different sermon, a different set-up and essentially different beliefs based on what the pastor believes. in fact you could ask 8 episcopals what they believe and most likely they would all have something different to say as far as their personal beliefs.

the thing i love about going to the LDS church is that no matter where you go it will be the same! church meetings will all have the same organization, sacrament meeting will always be the same, the classes will be teaching the same material and everything has the same structure...

but most importantly, and different than almost all churches, is that no matter what LDS member you ask, they will express to you the same basic beliefs.

i love that the church teaches us exactly what we believe...and that through the holy spirit we can come to know that the church teaches the truth.

i love that when someone asks me a question about my faith i can tell them what i, and what the church believes and teaches...

it is amazing to me that from washington state to florida, to france, to australia and china the church is all the same...just different people. :)

i love it.

i love it all!

happy valentines day!

i have always loved valentines day.

i was the definition of a girly girl... i loved pink and purple, and i refused to wear anything but dresses and skirts!...no seriously, i would not wear pants.

my mom and grandma had to trick me into them...they made me "bubbles" which were NOT pants...rather they were overalls with puffy legs, are you imagining the 80s yet?!)

needless to say, i loved valentines day.

pink, hearts, candy, LOVE. it's everything a girl could wish for.

the best part was the my dad didn't only give a valentine to my mom, he always made me feel very special too! (one year he bought my mom and i both our own rose bush to plant in the garden! i felt so grown up!!)

i guess what i am trying to say is that valentines day is not only for 'lovers'...i didn't have a "real" valentine until my senior year in high school but that didn't stop me from loving the day for what it was.

yes, i know many of you hate valentines day, the infamous hallmark holiday...but take some time and tell a family member, a friend, or anyone really that you are thinking about them...

share the love!

this one is for my handsome man...happy valentines day!

"i'm a convert, not a convert-er!"

since being baptized into the LDS church i have really only focused on myself. what i mean by that is that i have been busy growing my own testimony and learning more about the gospel and the church to help me grow.

i cannot count, or even remember, the number of times i have been asked if my family is interested, or been told i should talk to my mom, my brothers, my dad, step mom, step siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents...my cousins...my dog.....{just kidding, i don't even have a dog}...about the church.

i have to admit, it made me frustrated having so many people pressure me about my family, and hearing them say "they'll be members some day". i would think to myself:

'what do i care if they are members?! i was just baptized...let me figure myself out!'

well... everything's changed.

last sunday my husband and i watched a movie: "Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration". i had seen the movie just twice before sunday, both times i was very emotional, and both times included a LOT of crying {even the first time i saw the movie which was before i was a member of the church}.

this time we watched it, it was much different.

the entire movie i could not stop crying. i cried harder than i have even cried when watching a movie in my entire life.

as i watched i couldn't believe that i was a part of what i was watching... that everything Joseph Smith did, everything he went though {losing friends, children, being tarred and feathered, being killed for what he believed} has become a part of my life and has made it possible for me to be where i am today.

and then i started crying even harder. i wished so badly, for the first time, that my family would know what i know. that they could share with me in the great happiness that i feel because of my membership in the LDS church. i wish their hearts would be softened and they could feel what i do, that they could just... understand.

i want so badly to sit by my mom at church on sundays. i want my family there with me. i want to go to the temple with them... to be sealed to each one of them.

i am filled with so many emotions.

love...

sadness...

faith...

hope...

anxiety...

pressure...

but mostly gratitude... for those members of the church who came before me. who showed me the way, and led those to come in the greatest way possible- by example.

i hope i can be that light for someone else. i hope i can be more like they were.

prescription filled!

yesterday was eventful. to say the least.

like this post mentioned, i have been having a little trouble with being excited about going to church. it's been frustrating because i know i love church... but i have just wondered why its been hard to go lately.

i said i needed to figure out the answer...

i said i would inform you when i found the answer. i found it yesterday.

my husband and i have not been to the temple since we were married...{which was one of the best/most amazing spiritual experiences of my life}. we finally went back yesterday.

both a little nervous because we were on our own {without having an 'escort' or family that knew what they were doing and had experience being at the temple} we went anyway.

the second we walked in the temple i was overcome with happiness. the temple is an amazing place. it is hard to miss feeling the holy spirit there... i was overcome with emotions and fought back tears multiple times during the temple session we went to.

once we were done we got lunch and went home.

all day i had been having pains in my stomach that started the night before. i figured they would get better but as the pain escalated and shooting pains started in my lower abdomen i was convinced to get a hold of the doctor on call.

before i even explained everything that was going on she quickly advised me that i needed to go to the emergency room as soon as i could.

reluctant, i went. {with my wonderful sister-in-law, as my husband was unable to come with me}.

2 hours later, at about 11:00pm, after being tested in every single way they could... and feeling a little 'medically molested' as my sister-in-law and i named it {i am extremely shy when it comes to going to the doctor} they informed me that i had an ovarian cyst that had ruptured which was causing internal bleeding.

the bleeding was causing severe pain but unfortunately all you can do is take advil for the internal swelling, medicine for the pain and wait it out.

i am in the waiting period right now.

now you must be wondering how any of this relates to me being happy about going to church.

well...when i got home i was lying with my husband in bed and i was in the best mood i have been in in a long time.

i was thinking about the temple.

the temple is such a blessing. it puts into perspective the important aspects of life and brings the spirit so close to your heart.

i could have been wallowing in my sorrows of pain, but rather the spirit was comforting me and i was happy. PLUS i was overcome with an excitement for going to church in the morning.

i know, without a shadow of a doubt that my feelings were caused by my husband and i going to the temple and the blessing that going to the temple brings into your home.

i am so grateful to be able to live so close to a temple. i am grateful to be able to go to the temple.

i am grateful for the temple and the happiness it brings into my life.

it wont be long before i go back again.

giving thanks.

yes i know it is the day after thanksgiving...but it is never too late to give thanks.

i am so thankful for so many things in my life:

for my family.

for my friends.

for my amazing husband...and his incredible patience.

for a roof over my head.

for the ability to choose.

for my health and strength.

for the LDS church.

for prayer.

for the seasons...each one of them and the beauty they bring.

for the amazing technologies we have in this generation that keep us safe.

for school {most of the time :] }

and for everything in between.

this is truly and amazing time of year... cherish the small, tender moments in life. those are the ones that last forever in our memories.

"My New Life"

Stephanie Nielson...thank you for your courage, your faith and your beauty. you are truly and inspiration to women everywhere.

thank you.