confessions of a convert.

i will just get right out there and say it...

3 hours is a LONG time to be at church.

i sat in on a missionary discussion this week...the husband's cousin in taking the missionary discussions and i decided to listen in.

woah...dejavu of a whole year of my life! i had so many missionary lessons i could probably teach some of them! :/

the husbands cousin has come to church the past few sundays and only stayed for the first hour...well in the lesson i sort of, well actually completely blurted out to his cousin, "you should come with me to relief society!" (relief society is the 3rd hour of church on sunday. all the women get together and have their own class, and all the men get together to have their own class. it's awesome!)

anyway... a) awkward, did i really just blurt that out?! and b) what if she doesnt want to come and i just totally pressured her?!

then i got to thinking...if i didn't have a testimony of church (which i gained after going consistently), 3 hours would seem like a ridiculous amount of church!

on second thought, 3 hours is a long time...no matter who you are!

ok, so even though its a long time, and yes i get really hungry, and yes i daze off sometimes because maaaaybe i should have gone to bed earlier the night before... church is amazing.

i learn so much at church it is ridiculous and i know from my years of life without going to church that it is OH-SO-IMPORTANT to be spiritually fed.

also, we (meaning i) must remember that it is a blessing to be able to even attend church. many people in this world are oppressed, they are forced into religions they don't believe, or forbidden to go to church.

attending church is a remarkable blessing that i have in this day and age...it is one that should not be taken for granted.

i would stay any amount of hours at church if it meant the difference between going to church or not at all.

my trip and some thoughts.

i just want to start out by saying...

charleston, south carolina is one of the most beautiful places i have ever been.

i am not exaggerating.

you know how usually you go on vacation and then by the end you want to go home, or at least you are excited to be home?!

nope. not this time. the husband and i didn't want to leave and we are already eager to go back some day in the future.

the rich history that surrounded us- plantation homes, historic battle fields, homes that housed the first president's of the united states...i mean seriously, how cool is that!?

not to mention, the architecture and charm of the city is unbeatable. being in charleston made me wonder what on earth we have done to our architecture. it doesn't get more beautiful than this:

yes, this is the house in the notebook. :]

i am pretty sure i took about a bazillion pictures of just houses and buildings because they were so beautiful.

i loved that charleston is proud of their history too... they have laws that prohibit anyone from removing ANYTHING over 75 years old...even if it is a tree branch that falls in the road, nature must take it's course. it was also awesome because a lot of the outdoor lights on houses are actually real flames and the city pays for them because they preserve the historic nature of the city...they are on 24/7 just like they were back in "the day"!

pretty awesome huh?!

anyway, one of the most interesting things about charleston was how many churches there are (and you thought utah was bad...) i mean we are talking steeples EVERYWHERE!

charleston is home to some of the oldest churches in our countries entire history!

lots of churches means LOTS of religious people.

on our last day, we were sitting in a 'chick-fil-a' (so good by-the-way) and an entire section of people in the restaurant grabbed hands and started to pray...not just any praying, i am talking intense-nodding-of-the-head-"amen"-interjections-type praying. it was a sight to see because...confession...i don't think i could EVER bust my heart out in a prayer in the middle of a fast-food restaurant and that just DOES NOT happen where i am from!

i have so much respect for those who are comfortable praying/preaching in public, no matter who you are or what religion you come from..because i am definitely not comfortable doing that.

seeing the way that the people in charleston accept religion was refreshing. it is so different than where i live in seattle.

seattle is one of the least religious states in the nation. you say your christian to someone and they will run the other direction half the time. to be honest, it makes me hate bringing up religion in any conversation.

for example, you are talking about a friend, and the other person asks, "where do you know them from?" and you say, "church". the response, "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". or in some cases you get, "what church" and when i proceed to say the LDS church i get a wide-eyed stare back. its great. (not).

i am sorry for the random jumbled thoughts that make this post...but i swear i have re-written it 12x and my point that i want to make is just not coming out the way i want...ugh.

i think it's because i left my mind back in charleston. ;]

anyway, a) charleston rocks. b) charleston is very christian oriented which i like...which leads me to c) seattle needs to be less judgemental and more open to religious viewpoints.

there you go...my ideas in a, b, c, format.

and i'm done.

my talk.

needless to say, i'm glad this is over and done with! :]

talking in church is sta-ressssssful!

so here it is, spelling/gramatical errors and all...oh and happy sunday!

“Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.”

“And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.”

“And by the Power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.”

So what does this mean?

Members of the church are very familiar with these verses. They might even be the most well known, or infamous versus of the Book of Mormon.

It is because of these 3 versus, I am standing here before you as a member of the church, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Whether you were born into the church or converted to it, your story is really no different than mine in that we all have to gain a testimony of our own… we have to come to know the truth for ourselves. A truth that no one can force upon you or make you believe, a truth that only you can find for yourself.

For some, this truth may come quickly and easily… for others, like me, it may take a bit longer or be later in life…

Anyone with a question naturally wants an answer. In the world we live in today, finding the answers to our questions can be very easy. When we have a question we have to merely type it into Google, and with the click of a button we are looking at hundreds of answers to our question.

Sometimes I wish that all my questions could be answered this easily and I am sure that many of you agree…but I know that this is not the case. When life throws us curveballs… when we are sick, when we are in need of help, when we don’t know the right path that we should be taking, we cannot just sit on our computers and wait for a search engine to tell us what to do…we must be proactive and search our answers out. But we also must remember,

Answers don’t always come when you want them or need them.

Answers don’t always come in the way we expect them either.

4 years ago I was struggling in one of the hardest times of my life. I wasn’t a member of the church and I was going through depression, the stress of college, friendships breaking, family becoming more distant and changing from what I always knew it to be and just about everything in between.

It was in this time that I started to meet with the missionaries. The missionaries did their thing…they taught me the lessons, one by one…and then they had me read Moroni chapter 10 verses 3-5.

I read to myself that night, “When ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them…ask God, the Eternal Father…if these things are not true…and he will manifest the truth unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost”

I honestly felt like this scripture was written for me…I even wondered if the missionaries had slipped the extra page into my copy of the Book of Mormon, but I did what it asked, I prayed to God and asked for the answers, I asked God if the words that I was reading were true. I was truly amazed when…

nothing happened.

Because of this I learned a very valuable lesson.

Just because you are seeking an answer from our Father in Heaven and you pray for guidance, it doesn’t mean you will get the answer right then and there…

I cannot tell you all how many times I have prayed for an answer and waited and waited for it to happen, some of my prayers still have not been answered…other times, my prayers are answered immediately. For some reason whenever I pray for patience the next day I am bombarded by awful drivers, long lines and tons of dirty dishes…which I hate… I have sort of stopped praying for patience because I know that heavenly father loves it when I do…

So sometimes answers take a long time to come, sometimes they are immediate, answers can also come when you least expect them, but they always WILL come.

Going back to the scripture I read, when you are seeking the truth of the gospel, or in the case of trying to build your testimony of the Book of Mormon for those that are already members, it only states that Heavenly Father will “Manifest the truth”…- it doesn’t say you will receive an answer immediately or be confirmed that day, that week, or even that year. But it does say you will receive the answer.

I had been dating Brett, an amazing role model of the church, for 3 years, going to church for almost a year, meeting with missionaries for 6 months and praying nightly before I felt it…

Sitting in a lecture hall of UW, nowhere near the Book of Mormon, or any scriptures, I felt the confirmation that Moroni promises. I was overcome with confidence and excitement to join the LDS church. I knew at that moment without a shadow of a doubt that the words in the Book of Mormon were true, and that being baptized was the most important thing that I could do.

There are many different ways you can feel the spirit… Since the moment at UW, I have felt the spirit many times. It usually comes in a small ways, the flutter of my heart, or tears welling in my eyes, but occasionally I am completely overcome by the strongest feeling and knowledge that the Holy Ghost is with me.

I have heard someone describe feeling the Holy Ghost like putting on warm clothes just out of the dryer, although everyone feels the spirit differently. Through logic, through emotion, through a thought in your head speaking with your own voice…The feeling of the spirit can also be gradual…it might accumulate over time, not happening all at once…as it did when I realized the impact the church has had in my life the past 3 years and the peace that it brings to me at my hardest times.

In the bible, the Holy Ghost appears at Jesus Christ’s baptism as a white dove, but we know that the spirit does not appear in this way anymore, we also know that the Holy Ghost appears in both the Bible and the Book of Mormon. We must seek to have knowledge of the Holy Ghost….…

So then, who or what is the Holy Ghost?

Before his death, Jesus Christ spoke to his apostles saying, “the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name…shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. “

The Holy Ghost, also being called: the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God, the Spirit of the Lord, and Comforter has appeared to men since the beginning of time, and is the “convincing witness that the gospel is true” as the Bible dictionary states.

The Holy Ghost works in unity with our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. He is one of the 3 members of the Godhead, a personage of spirit, completely distinct and separate from God the Eternal Father and his son Jesus Christ. He plays many roles in our lives: He “witnesses of the Father and the Son” (2 Nephi 31:18) and reveals and teaches “the truth of all things” (Moroni 10:5). We can receive a sure testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ only by the power of the Holy Ghost. Feeling the Holy Ghost carries far more certainty than any communication we can receive in other ways.

Everyone on Earth, Christian or not, can feel the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost will interact with them, but as followers of Christ he promised to send the Holy Ghost to be with us, and allows us to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

The gift of the Holy Ghost is the ability to have the Holy Ghost with you all the time so long as you are worthy.

We are given this gift, in the LDS church, after we are baptized, by the laying on of hands by a member of the priesthood, which is the authority to act in the name of God.

In Matthew chapter 3 verse 11 it states, “I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance: but he that cometh after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost and with fire”

We must not only be baptized by water but also “with the Holy Ghost”…the fire, stated in the scripture, is the feelings of the Holy Ghost. This fire builds within the heart and testifies even stronger of the truthfulness of the Gospel. The fire is in the heart and the soul. For a convert or a member born into the church, this fire builds within, testifying and confirming the choices we have made to be baptized and or remain a member of this church.

Elder Loren C. Dunn of the Quorum of the Seventy said, “The new convert who has accepted the gift of the Holy Ghost with the right spirit will experience not only a cleansing but a feeling that will give him a new heart and make of him a new person”

I have felt this feeling of being a “new person” since baptism and many family members and friends have told me that I just seem “happier”. I know that this is because of the Gift of the Holy Ghost and the change it has in my life.

So we all have good idea of who the Holy Ghost is and what the Holy Ghost does now, but I would like to explain the other important aspects of the verses I read…

Within the 3 verses, and prior to feeling the confirmation of the truth of all things though the Holy Ghost, we are given some criteria:

We must ask Heavenly Father for the truth “in the name of Jesus Christ”, we must ask with a “sincere heart” and with “real intent” having “faith in Christ”.

Real intent means everything to me. To know the truth, we cannot ask in haste, or impatience. Too often I feel that people seeking the knowledge of the church pray and ask these questions, hoping for the answer to be that the church is not true…they want to prove the church wrong. I know that the Holy Ghost will not reveal the truth to these people until they have broken down those walls and truly want to know the answer.

We have heard it so many times, that we must pray with a softened heart. We must pray with the deepest sincerity in our mind and soul. For me, it wasn’t until I truly needed an answer to my prayers, rather than wanting a quick, sudden answer that I was given the confirmation I needed.

If we follow what these three verses say, we are bound to receive an answer, whether it be the moment we ask, or a year later in a lecture hall.

The spirit is like the sun, it seems so far away, but its glow and its warmth are able to be felt by all people. The suns rays can touch all people, and I know that the peace and happiness this church brings to my life can do the same for everyone.

I would argue that the entire Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints hangs on 3 verses…A promise that no other religion has…a promise for the truth of all things. Within the scriptures, written 1500 years ago, a prophet of God, Moroni told us that we can read this book and come to a certain knowledge…not a hope, or a thought…but a certain knowledge that this book, and this CHURCH are true.

I leave you these words in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

i'm back!

hey ya'll! {had to use my new southern accent}

just wanted to let everyone know i am back and finally giving the talk i prepared tomorrow in church.

yikes.

i will post my talk tomorrow afternoon. :]

confessions of a convert.

i am writing this post with a heavy heart.

after 3 years teaching primary {sunday school}, with the cutest kids ever, i am officially done.

last week was supposed to be my last, but obviously i didn't teach.

so thats it.

no last class.

no party that i had planned to say goodbye to the cutest CTR 4 class ever.

{LDS sunday school classes are seperated by the age the children are on january 1...i had the 4 year olds...the class was called CTR-choose the right 4}

no expaining to the kids why i am 'abandoning' them, which is what it feels like i am doing.

i have loved being in primary. i practically begged to be called to teach.

there have definitely been ups and downs, hard days, amazing days, hilarious days, and everything in between. i have learned more from those kids then i could have ever taught them and i am so grateful i was able to be their teacher.

now, you may be wondering why this is a confession...well its because i asked to be released from being a teacher. {cue tears...why am i always crying?!} i don't think you are supposed to ask to be released but i did. and hey, i am a convert so i don't know the unwritten 'rules' anyway half the time...

so i confess... it was me. they did not ask me to stop teaching, and TRUST me i did NOT want to stop, but i had to. i had to think of me for once.

i am being stretched so thin right now that i think i might break in to 8 pieces. i don't have enough time for anything...not enough time for homework, or school, or student teaching, for planning the amazing primary lessons those kids deserve, and especially not enough time for the husband. he has been beyond neglected and i have been beyond mean/rude/the-worst-wife-ever the past month {which is not good considering we got married 7 months ago in 2 days} and its time for a change.

i feel the strong need to go to church and go to MY sunday school...sunday school for adults...to learn for me, to listen, and grow.

will i miss being in primary? yes. will i get to teach primary again...you better hope i get to, otherwise i will go all hulk on everyone! {just kidding...sort of}

so thats it, thats what i had to tell you all...

and now i am going to go pack.

the husband and i are going to visit my dad in charleston, sc. we have to be at the airport at 5:00am...that means waking up really early.

so goodbye for now. i will miss you all.

see you back here in t-minus one week...

update and new talk date.

just a little update...

although i haven't left our apartment in 3 days...and i feel like a hermit...pajamas and movies all day, not showering or getting ready {it's awful} i can finally swallow without fire in my throat, it's a miracle. my throat doesn't really hurt at all anymore, the antibiotics are helping a lot!

now it's just a lot of congestion and a killer cough, literally killer...i have to take the biggest breath before i cough or else i run out of oxygen to get through it! it sucks, BIG time.

anyway...i am alive, still pretty sick, but alive.

the husband came home after church on sunday {yes i was right, i cried when i saw him} but he read me his talk and pretended that he was giving it again. it was great, not as good as seeing him 'live' but still wonderful.

i just found out that i will be giving my talk on sunday the 13th. i am happy that i didn't go to all that planning for nothing, but sad because my talk really went well with the husbands.

oh well. nothing i can do about it now.

for those of you who asked, look for my talk to be posted on Sunday the 13th {of March}.

and for everyone out there, i hope you are having a wonderful week!