"i'm a convert, not a convert-er!"

since being baptized into the LDS church i have really only focused on myself. what i mean by that is that i have been busy growing my own testimony and learning more about the gospel and the church to help me grow.

i cannot count, or even remember, the number of times i have been asked if my family is interested, or been told i should talk to my mom, my brothers, my dad, step mom, step siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents...my cousins...my dog.....{just kidding, i don't even have a dog}...about the church.

i have to admit, it made me frustrated having so many people pressure me about my family, and hearing them say "they'll be members some day". i would think to myself:

'what do i care if they are members?! i was just baptized...let me figure myself out!'

well... everything's changed.

last sunday my husband and i watched a movie: "Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration". i had seen the movie just twice before sunday, both times i was very emotional, and both times included a LOT of crying {even the first time i saw the movie which was before i was a member of the church}.

this time we watched it, it was much different.

the entire movie i could not stop crying. i cried harder than i have even cried when watching a movie in my entire life.

as i watched i couldn't believe that i was a part of what i was watching... that everything Joseph Smith did, everything he went though {losing friends, children, being tarred and feathered, being killed for what he believed} has become a part of my life and has made it possible for me to be where i am today.

and then i started crying even harder. i wished so badly, for the first time, that my family would know what i know. that they could share with me in the great happiness that i feel because of my membership in the LDS church. i wish their hearts would be softened and they could feel what i do, that they could just... understand.

i want so badly to sit by my mom at church on sundays. i want my family there with me. i want to go to the temple with them... to be sealed to each one of them.

i am filled with so many emotions.

love...

sadness...

faith...

hope...

anxiety...

pressure...

but mostly gratitude... for those members of the church who came before me. who showed me the way, and led those to come in the greatest way possible- by example.

i hope i can be that light for someone else. i hope i can be more like they were.

what does it mean to be sealed?

we have all heard the words "until death do you part"...but have we all thought about what that phrase actually means?

in a typical wedding...and by typical i mean non-LDS wedding or in other words: a civil ceremony, the words "until death do you part" are spoken as the officiant announces the newly married couple...this has a significant meaning that many people do not really think about...this 'phrase' means that the couple is married here, on earth, only so long as they are alive...the moment that either of the married pair passes away the marriage that bonded them together is broken.

what is different about an LDS wedding is that the bonds of marriage are placed on the couple forever...for an eternity. this unbreakable bond is known as a "sealing". as a couple enters the temple for their wedding they enter a sealing room: kneeling before an alter the pair make promises to each other and they are not only pronounced man and wife but they are sealed to each other for time and all eternity. how amazing is that?!

a little over a month ago, on august 6th, 2010 i had the amazing opportunity to be sealed to my, now, husband. yes, you did read that right...in the time i have been away from my blog i was married..and what an experience it was.

i will be the first to admit, and i am being totally honest which is the purpose of this blog...the real life thoughts of a convert to the mormon church... i was nervous the morning of our sealing. with all new things in life we get nervous. however, that nervousness vanished instantly when i entered the sealing room in the temple and saw the familiar faces of my friends and soon-to-be family.

the spirit was so strong in the room that i don't think there was a dry eye. i tried my best to keep it together but was so moved by the words of the temple sealer (the man who married/sealed us together) that i couldn't contain my tears and was crying (hard) next to the man that i love, who was also crying (something that i have not seen in the six years we have been together).

the feeling was amazing.

i still feel amazing.

although it was very difficult not having my family inside the temple, i know in my heart and have been validated through feelings of the spirit that being sealed in the temple is what i was supposed to do.

i will never regret it.