confessions of a convert

so i have a HUGE confession. although in actuality, it isn't a confession at all... it's really more of an apology. 

i confess, i dropped of the face of this crazy planet {and no i do not feel good about it}

the last 10 months have been ridiculous. but they are now behind me.

i am a year older. i have a year of teaching under my belt. and my life is quickly de-stressing.

i have not felt this happy in a long time.

i also want to admit something else... and it's a little tough to say, but the point of this blog is honestly right?

in the chaos that is my life the past few months i have struggled a little with church-ly things. 

with my desire to want to read scriptures.

with talking about anything church re-lated.

with my calling.

and even at times not wanting to go to church. 

i hate it. 

it makes me feel like i am doing everything wrong. 

it felt like years since i had felt the comfort or love of the spirit. 

then i was reminded by a friend at church today of something very important.

{although she doesn't realize she helped me}

you cannot sit around waiting for someone or something to help you be spiritually uplifted.

specifically, you cannot just sit and wait for the spirit to find you.

 you need to be proactive and do things to help bring the spirit back into your life.

i have been sitting around waiting. 

{hoping to magically feel uplifted}

not reading the scriptures.

not giving my all to my calling.

not letting my husband talk about church. {oops}

just waiting.

and that doesn't work. 

trust me.

if you want to feel the spirit in your life, you have to do something about it. 

thank you mindi.

your testimony today helped me more than you'll ever know. 

struggle.

what do you do

when you want to explain yourself to someone

because you are unhappy

but you know they just...don't understand?

this is my current struggle.

i am definitely not a confrontational person.

{by any means}

but there are times in life when enough is enough

 and you know that if you don't explain how you are feeling

self destruction is just knocking on the door. 

i know i am being very vague
{and eventually i will get around to telling all about it}
but i just want you all to know something:

even when something is hard to do.
do it.

don't wait around, hoping for things to get better
because chances are...they wont.

be strong.
have courage
and have faith in the lord that he will help you.

because he will.