aha!

yesterday i had a big aHA moment. 

i was sitting in the chapel, waiting for church to start

heart beating, very fast, as i prepared to say the opening prayer for our sacrament meeting.

the husband was scheduled to say the prayer but he had to leave unexpectedly to pick someone up

so it was all up to me.

and then the bishop announced that someone else was saying the prayer.

part of me said "phew"

the other part was a little sad...weird i know.

anyway...

that set me up for the rest of sacrament meeting.

i was feeling the spirit really strongly yesterday.

then i realized why.

i have been expecting the feel the spirit as of lately, and often times i do not feel it.

this can be really frustrating.

i want the spirit to be with me all the time, but the problem is...that it isnt.

then the aHA came. 

i cannot expect the spirit to be with me if i am not actively pursuing it. 

the key word here folks is actively.

without a doubt the spirit will be with me if I am actively seeking the spirit and doing the right things...

if i pray.

if i read the scriptures.

if i actually pay attention in church...

 rather than tuning out merely hoping that i can feel the spirit...

if i do all the right things...

i will feel the spirit.

why is something so simple like this so hard to figure out sometimes?!

my talk.

needless to say, i'm glad this is over and done with! :]

talking in church is sta-ressssssful!

so here it is, spelling/gramatical errors and all...oh and happy sunday!

“Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.”

“And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.”

“And by the Power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.”

So what does this mean?

Members of the church are very familiar with these verses. They might even be the most well known, or infamous versus of the Book of Mormon.

It is because of these 3 versus, I am standing here before you as a member of the church, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Whether you were born into the church or converted to it, your story is really no different than mine in that we all have to gain a testimony of our own… we have to come to know the truth for ourselves. A truth that no one can force upon you or make you believe, a truth that only you can find for yourself.

For some, this truth may come quickly and easily… for others, like me, it may take a bit longer or be later in life…

Anyone with a question naturally wants an answer. In the world we live in today, finding the answers to our questions can be very easy. When we have a question we have to merely type it into Google, and with the click of a button we are looking at hundreds of answers to our question.

Sometimes I wish that all my questions could be answered this easily and I am sure that many of you agree…but I know that this is not the case. When life throws us curveballs… when we are sick, when we are in need of help, when we don’t know the right path that we should be taking, we cannot just sit on our computers and wait for a search engine to tell us what to do…we must be proactive and search our answers out. But we also must remember,

Answers don’t always come when you want them or need them.

Answers don’t always come in the way we expect them either.

4 years ago I was struggling in one of the hardest times of my life. I wasn’t a member of the church and I was going through depression, the stress of college, friendships breaking, family becoming more distant and changing from what I always knew it to be and just about everything in between.

It was in this time that I started to meet with the missionaries. The missionaries did their thing…they taught me the lessons, one by one…and then they had me read Moroni chapter 10 verses 3-5.

I read to myself that night, “When ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them…ask God, the Eternal Father…if these things are not true…and he will manifest the truth unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost”

I honestly felt like this scripture was written for me…I even wondered if the missionaries had slipped the extra page into my copy of the Book of Mormon, but I did what it asked, I prayed to God and asked for the answers, I asked God if the words that I was reading were true. I was truly amazed when…

nothing happened.

Because of this I learned a very valuable lesson.

Just because you are seeking an answer from our Father in Heaven and you pray for guidance, it doesn’t mean you will get the answer right then and there…

I cannot tell you all how many times I have prayed for an answer and waited and waited for it to happen, some of my prayers still have not been answered…other times, my prayers are answered immediately. For some reason whenever I pray for patience the next day I am bombarded by awful drivers, long lines and tons of dirty dishes…which I hate… I have sort of stopped praying for patience because I know that heavenly father loves it when I do…

So sometimes answers take a long time to come, sometimes they are immediate, answers can also come when you least expect them, but they always WILL come.

Going back to the scripture I read, when you are seeking the truth of the gospel, or in the case of trying to build your testimony of the Book of Mormon for those that are already members, it only states that Heavenly Father will “Manifest the truth”…- it doesn’t say you will receive an answer immediately or be confirmed that day, that week, or even that year. But it does say you will receive the answer.

I had been dating Brett, an amazing role model of the church, for 3 years, going to church for almost a year, meeting with missionaries for 6 months and praying nightly before I felt it…

Sitting in a lecture hall of UW, nowhere near the Book of Mormon, or any scriptures, I felt the confirmation that Moroni promises. I was overcome with confidence and excitement to join the LDS church. I knew at that moment without a shadow of a doubt that the words in the Book of Mormon were true, and that being baptized was the most important thing that I could do.

There are many different ways you can feel the spirit… Since the moment at UW, I have felt the spirit many times. It usually comes in a small ways, the flutter of my heart, or tears welling in my eyes, but occasionally I am completely overcome by the strongest feeling and knowledge that the Holy Ghost is with me.

I have heard someone describe feeling the Holy Ghost like putting on warm clothes just out of the dryer, although everyone feels the spirit differently. Through logic, through emotion, through a thought in your head speaking with your own voice…The feeling of the spirit can also be gradual…it might accumulate over time, not happening all at once…as it did when I realized the impact the church has had in my life the past 3 years and the peace that it brings to me at my hardest times.

In the bible, the Holy Ghost appears at Jesus Christ’s baptism as a white dove, but we know that the spirit does not appear in this way anymore, we also know that the Holy Ghost appears in both the Bible and the Book of Mormon. We must seek to have knowledge of the Holy Ghost….…

So then, who or what is the Holy Ghost?

Before his death, Jesus Christ spoke to his apostles saying, “the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name…shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. “

The Holy Ghost, also being called: the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God, the Spirit of the Lord, and Comforter has appeared to men since the beginning of time, and is the “convincing witness that the gospel is true” as the Bible dictionary states.

The Holy Ghost works in unity with our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. He is one of the 3 members of the Godhead, a personage of spirit, completely distinct and separate from God the Eternal Father and his son Jesus Christ. He plays many roles in our lives: He “witnesses of the Father and the Son” (2 Nephi 31:18) and reveals and teaches “the truth of all things” (Moroni 10:5). We can receive a sure testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ only by the power of the Holy Ghost. Feeling the Holy Ghost carries far more certainty than any communication we can receive in other ways.

Everyone on Earth, Christian or not, can feel the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost will interact with them, but as followers of Christ he promised to send the Holy Ghost to be with us, and allows us to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

The gift of the Holy Ghost is the ability to have the Holy Ghost with you all the time so long as you are worthy.

We are given this gift, in the LDS church, after we are baptized, by the laying on of hands by a member of the priesthood, which is the authority to act in the name of God.

In Matthew chapter 3 verse 11 it states, “I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance: but he that cometh after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost and with fire”

We must not only be baptized by water but also “with the Holy Ghost”…the fire, stated in the scripture, is the feelings of the Holy Ghost. This fire builds within the heart and testifies even stronger of the truthfulness of the Gospel. The fire is in the heart and the soul. For a convert or a member born into the church, this fire builds within, testifying and confirming the choices we have made to be baptized and or remain a member of this church.

Elder Loren C. Dunn of the Quorum of the Seventy said, “The new convert who has accepted the gift of the Holy Ghost with the right spirit will experience not only a cleansing but a feeling that will give him a new heart and make of him a new person”

I have felt this feeling of being a “new person” since baptism and many family members and friends have told me that I just seem “happier”. I know that this is because of the Gift of the Holy Ghost and the change it has in my life.

So we all have good idea of who the Holy Ghost is and what the Holy Ghost does now, but I would like to explain the other important aspects of the verses I read…

Within the 3 verses, and prior to feeling the confirmation of the truth of all things though the Holy Ghost, we are given some criteria:

We must ask Heavenly Father for the truth “in the name of Jesus Christ”, we must ask with a “sincere heart” and with “real intent” having “faith in Christ”.

Real intent means everything to me. To know the truth, we cannot ask in haste, or impatience. Too often I feel that people seeking the knowledge of the church pray and ask these questions, hoping for the answer to be that the church is not true…they want to prove the church wrong. I know that the Holy Ghost will not reveal the truth to these people until they have broken down those walls and truly want to know the answer.

We have heard it so many times, that we must pray with a softened heart. We must pray with the deepest sincerity in our mind and soul. For me, it wasn’t until I truly needed an answer to my prayers, rather than wanting a quick, sudden answer that I was given the confirmation I needed.

If we follow what these three verses say, we are bound to receive an answer, whether it be the moment we ask, or a year later in a lecture hall.

The spirit is like the sun, it seems so far away, but its glow and its warmth are able to be felt by all people. The suns rays can touch all people, and I know that the peace and happiness this church brings to my life can do the same for everyone.

I would argue that the entire Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints hangs on 3 verses…A promise that no other religion has…a promise for the truth of all things. Within the scriptures, written 1500 years ago, a prophet of God, Moroni told us that we can read this book and come to a certain knowledge…not a hope, or a thought…but a certain knowledge that this book, and this CHURCH are true.

I leave you these words in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

confessions of a convert.

i have decided to start a series of posts called "confessions of a convert".

i am not sure if they will be once a month...once a week...or whenever but the point of them will be to highlight the things that i, a convert, faces dealing with church-y things....those little things that i struggle with or hide and think to myself...um, i could probably be better about that, or what the heck does that even mean?! you know...those moments.

i was at a baby shower last week and someone mentioned a name like: malyshamalamahama... {try to say it its fun!}

ok, it wasn't really that... but the name was so foreign to me that it sounded like that. i had NEVER heard the name. then i asked the woman who she was talking about and she said "oh, he's in the book of mormon!".

busted.

like i said, i had never even heard the name...in fact i don't even remember the name {dyann help me out here!} which means one thing.

confession number one is to commence....now:

i suck at reading the book of mormon...really i suck at reading the scriptures in general. i don't know what it is but i have an awful time motivating myself to read them. i know its important. i know i would like it if i read it but i just...dont. :[

its even worse when my husband asks if i want to read them with him and i say no!

i will say it again...i suck!

it doesn't help that i dont really like to read in general, but even though i dont like to read, i NEED to read the scriptures. its essential and i am smart enough to know that!

i definitely have my ups and downs...times where i do read the scriptures and really enjoy it. but after the ups, there are downs and i just dont read at all.

its hard. and i am bad at it.

perhaps reading should have been my new years resolution along with these.

ugh.

{maybe i should get these books. haha}

another great question...

question:

There are lots of things I genuinely like about the Mormom church but lots of historical things that make me question and seem illogical (to me). Did you deal with any of these doubts when you converted or have any problems with things like this?

answer:

I definitely had my questions. I, as many people, had heard rumors and stories about the mormon church before being a member. In fact, in the beginning of my relationship with my now husband, if I was asked whether I would ever convert to mormonism I would give a foul look at said "no way!" because of what I had heard.

Three things I struggled with were: 1) polygamy 2) the temple and 3) Joseph Smith/ The Book of Mormon

Polygamy: My now-father-in-law is a very smart and well educated man, especially in church history. It took only one conversation on the topic of polygamy to understand why it was a necessary thing in the past. To many people's disbelief, it was never for {and excuse my bluntness} sexual reasons. The early church members were NOT sexual deviants...rather if you look into church history polygamy started as many of the men in the church were being killed for their beliefs. The women were left on their own right before having to cross the United States with their children on foot. Specific men, NOT all LDS men were called to marry other women. It would have been inappropriate for men to have lived with and cared for the women and children if not married...thus polygamy started. Now, of course, polygamy is illegal and the church stands by that full force. Any member of the church who tries to have a polygamous relationship is excommunicated {something that is relatively hard to have happen}.

The Temple:

I cannot stand being left in the dark. When I am learning about something, I want to know everything. This brought a problem when learning about the Temple because I just wanted to go inside! I didn't care I wasn't a member...it wasn't fair I couldn't go in. My interest in what went on inside was only heightened when my mom told me AWFUL stories about what she had heard happened inside to women. I was disgusted, mortified, and did not want to go. I relayed this information to my husband {then boyfriend} and he helped me tremendously. He, admittingly frustrated that I would believe such stories told me this, "My Dad loves my Mom more than anything. He loves his daughters more than anything... do you EVER think that he would let something like that happen to them?!"...I felt a little silly realizing what I had believed and realized that nothing like that would happen in the temple.

My confidence, love and excitement to go to the temple came through prayers this experience {http://throughtheeyesofamormon.blogspot.com/2010/04/vancouver-bc-temple.html} and and overwhelming feeling of confidence I received through the Holy Ghost as driving by the Temple one day. I can say, since being to the Temple that it is an amazing place of peace, happiness, and love. I don't think anything un-pure or negative could happen there.

Joseph Smith/ The Book of Mormon:

This is probably the number one thing people struggle with. It is an amazing, unbelievable thing to think of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appearing to a boy of 14. I was told that if I didn't believe that they appeared to him, but read the book of mormon and found the words in the book to be true, the Joseph Smith 'story' must then be true as well, for if Joseph Smith had not seen Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ then the Book of Mormon would not exist.

Since being a member of the church, I have learned many more things about The Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith that help confirm to me that he saw what he did and that there is no way he could have made up the Book of Mormon. One such way was through talking to someone who had served a mission and had met a man who had lived in the Middle East. He was not a member of the church but knew the area's spoken of in the Book of Mormon very well. He expressed to the missionaries that there is no way someone could write about those places in that time without visiting the Middle East, which Joseph Smith had never done. The middle-eastern man joined the church as soon as he could even though he would have been killed for doing so if he returned to his home. He expressed to the missionaries who warned him he could be killed, "wouldn't you die for this church?"

Ultimately, like the how I gained confidence about the Temple, many prayers and thought were put into understanding Joseph Smith and what he went through {and also the Book of Mormon}. The more I read and the more I research the more I understand and realize there is no way he came up with the words written in the Book of Mormon by himself and I know that the words within it are inspired of God. So I no longer have an issue with this at all!

Sorry for the lengthy, scrambled answer! If I made other questions come up, feel free to ask!

Have a good one!

:]

Delete

the book of mormon...

i had realized pretty quickly that going to church would fill a large void in my life... i have always had a strong belief and faith in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father, even though i stopped going to church when i was young due to a very busy schedule...

having the feeling i should go to church started a whole new dilemma...what church should i go to?! i refused to go to the church i grew up at because they made the "new age" switch to wireless microphones and drum/guitar solos...in my opinion, the glitz and glam is not what church is all about...

one night at the sorority i was thinking about different churches. my boyfriend is LDS (mormon) so i decided to start looking up stuff about the LDS church online. i had heard some REALLY weird stuff about the church so i wanted to see if it was true... what happened was not, not, NOT good. i found what i was looking for: gross, disturbing websites about the LDS church that made me literally sick.

i started to bawl thinking about how much i loved my boyfriend but i knew i could never ever in a million years submit myself to what these websites said...right at about the peak of my crying my phone started to ring and it was him. of course he asked what was wrong and i felt even more sick to my stomach having to tell him the truth...that i looked up his church and i was disturbed by it.

what he told me then is very important... and i really want everyone reading this to know what i am about to say...the internet sucks. no, but seriously... he had me tell him everything that i was upset about and he explained the TRUTH. the internet is full of awful rumors and lies...100% of the awful things that i had read on the internet were untrue.

i hate to say it...but i had a really hard time believing everything he said...why would someone make something so awful up out of thin air?!

still crying uncontrollably when i got off the phone with him i tried to lay in bed and go to sleep...my phone rang again. my boyfriend was outside my sorority and told me to come to the door. i ran down the stairs and opened the door where he stood with the book of mormon in his hands. he told me to try reading some of it if i wanted...handed me the book and with a hug he left.

i wasnt going to read any of it...but i went back up to my room and opened the book there was a message inside that he had written for me...he assured me that is was ok if i didnt believe what i read in the book and if i didnt, i could just check the church off my list of potential churches to go to and move on.

that night i read until 3:30a.m... i couldn't put it down.