blogging: i love it. i love being able to express my feelings {good and bad} and i love having somewhere to write everything down {other than my personal journal}.
mostly i love that when i am confused about something, upset or struggling, or just trying to better understand, i can write about it and through the writing process i am able to more clearly think about the topic/issue and really evaluate.
here lies the problem: i don't mind putting myself out there for strangers... at all! in fact i love it! i was just featured on one of my favorite blogs "that wife" {you can check out her wonderful blog and read the post here}. the thought of strangers and new friends reading my blog was exciting.
i also don't mind sharing my blog with friends from church. what i have found is that it is uncomfortable, for lack of a better way to put it, telling or sharing my blog with non-member friends and my family. i feel embarrassed telling them about it.
my friends who have read my blog tell me i need to be more brave to just post the link on my facebook account because it is worth sharing!...but i can't do it.
in fact i've tried... two days ago. i posted the link under 'my website' and then after i clicked submit and went straight back and deleted it.
i am worried friends will no longer be my friend because i am LDS. that they will think i am weird and gossip about me behind my back {something i know is already going on, and hurts to think about}. THE WORST PART ABOUT IT IS: those are the types of friends i would never want to have in the first place AND all my real friends already know i am a member and i am still embarrassed to share my blog.
what is my problem!? if everyone already knows, and i am in no way ashamed of my choices, then why is it so hard for me to tell those people who are close to me about it?
also, and this is a BIG issue. as you may have noticed, i have a very good relationship with my mom. i love her so much! she means the world to me and i tell her EVERYTHING {save some details of course}... she has no idea i have a blog! so many of my struggles as a convert are family related. surely i wouldn't be able to voice my true feelings as a convert {the very purpose of this blog} if they are mommy related and mommy is reading the blog! at the same time, maybe she should know?!
help!
I came here via That Wife and obviously don't know you at all, but I have a couple thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThe first one is that you are totally right about not really wanting to be friends with anyone who would hold your mormonism against you. Do people hold misconceptions about the church? Lots. And I think that's a perfectly good reason to tell people about your religion as you feel comfortable doing so. But people who know you already, who knew you before you converted and aren't trying to manage their misconceptions about the church, but are using their judgement to hurt you aren't honestly concerned about your religion. They want something and someone to backbite and gossip over. It will be you. Then someone else. Then maybe you again. And it is mostly sad for them because there is no happiness in that kind of behavior. It is also the kind of thing you can't do anything about so it's best to let it go and live your life like it isn't happening (easier said than done, of course).
My second thought, is that it's hard to tell people who are close to you because what you want to tell them is so important to you. In that kind of situation, you have two things really close to your heart (the person and the gospel/this blog) and you don't want either to get mussed, especially not by coming together. It all just feels so fragile and personal.
But my third thought, is that they absolutely can come together without anything bad happening. People you love are almost always more understanding and open minded than we anticipate. Maybe start with your mom since she is so important to you.
Sorry for being so wordy. But I really understand a lot of how you feel. Good luck!
No apologies necessary! I appreciate your advice so much..often it takes an outsiders perspective on our lives to understand what is REALLY going on.
ReplyDeletethanks you!
This blog is such a great opportunity for missionary work. I think if you post the link of fb, and some of your friends who aren't LDS come here and read it, they will at the very least gain some insight into your decision to join the LDS Church. I think your mom would also love to read it. I know that as a mother (even though I only have a 10-month-old right now), I would be about reading this blog if it were my child reading it. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and testimony. You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteIts true, I would definitely not mind posting it on FB if my mom weren't on there! I go back and forth with this ALL-THE-TIME! It's so obnoxious! :]
ReplyDeleteI think to myself, "yes she can read it" and then I think..."what if something monumental or depressing or hard happens and my mom is the root of the emotion...then I wouldn't be able to write about it!"
it's such a toughie!
I'm going to trade roles for a moment. Instead of you being my kids' sunday school teacher, I'm going to be yours.
ReplyDeletePray about it.
I know, it's an annoying answer because it's so simple and so hard at the same time. But give it a shot.