today.

since 5:30am, i have cried A LOT.

i wish i could say that it was because i was rehearsing my talk, but i didn't even give my talk today.

yes, you read that right, i did not give my talk, in fact i didn't even go to church.

a few days ago i developed a cold, and in the past 2 days an awful cough had been added to it. this morning {i consider it last night since it was so early} i woke up because my throat was on fire. i couldn't swallow or breathe because it hurt so badly.

the husband woke up with me and consoled me, because i was crying due to the pain...he helped me spray that throat spray to help ease the pain, and rubbed my back to help me fall back asleep.

he woke up around 6:50am to get ready for a meeting he has each week before church. the leaders of our ward meet at 8:00am to go over logistics of the week etc.

at the meeting, the bishop and his counselors asked if we were excited and ready for our talks and the husband said that i wasn't really feeling well but we were ready.

the husband called me and said they were concerned and didn't want me to speak if i wasn't feeling well...i knew in my head that i shouldn't speak today {i couldn't even get a full sentence out, my voice was so gone}, but i insisted.

i had to speak the same day as the husband. i had to be there to support him. and my mom and grandma were coming! {remember} i just had to give my talk today.

i got a text about 10 minutes later from the husband, as i was getting out of the shower saying that they didn't feel like i should talk and they would re-schedule me.

i melted... i burst into tears knowing that i would miss the husbands talk and realizing how sick i felt and how much my throat hurt.

of course i had to call my mom, and the second she answered i started crying even harder. {crying does not help a sore throat at all, let me tell you}

i struggled to get any words out as i told her what was going on.

crying still, i got back into bed depressed, miserable, and very upset.

now i am awake, waiting for the husband to walk in the door from church and knowing that i will cry the second i see him.

this sucks.

i feel like i cannot handle anything else happening to me right now. you already know about all the migraines, plus in the past week i have been dealing with a hemorrhagic ovarian cyst that is causing a lot of pain, now this sickness {the husband and i think it is probably strep because of those infamous little white spots on the back of my throat} and...sorry if there are any guys reading this... but i am 90% sure i am going to get the 'p' soon because i am getting cramps {although this may be due to coughing so hard that i am getting an ab workout...a possible benefit?! not really}.

i am sorry to those of you who wanted to read my talk today...i wish with all my heart that i was able to give my talk and post it today, but i promise i will post it after i give it, if i ever get to..

for now i am going to go lie down, hopefully with some soup {if i can swallow it}.

happy sunday.