doubts.

here's another formspring question and answer....

did you have doubts right before converting? have you had doubts since?

i have answered the first bit of this one before...

in "the letter"

"i had lost the confidence i had in my decision to be baptized and was so nervous i didn't think i would make it through the night. before i left my boyfriends house that evening he stopped me and said that he had forgotten to give me something...it was a letter from one of the missionaries father..."

{http://throughtheeyesofamormon.blogspot.com/2010/01/letter.html}

it's funny how the spirit and the adversary work...

i had all the confidence in the world with my choice to be baptized...

but the night before my baptism the adversary tried to knock me down as hard as he could.

i am grateful for the love and support that i had and still have, or else my choice would have been much harder.

my baptism would still have happened, but it would have been much more difficult to get into that water.

as for today, and doubts that may have arisen...they haven't.

yes living a "mormon lifestyle" isn't always the easiest...

we live in a day and age where promiscuity and drinking is almost expected.
that is not me, nor will it ever be, but i am ridiculed for not being like everyone else.

does it make it harder to find true friends?

 yes.

does it give me doubts about my choice?

never. 

i know that my choice was the right one to make.

i know that i am where i need to be.

formspring.

i was asked a VERY good question on formspring.

one that i have wondered myself at times, and had to get the asnwer from someone other than myself... so i figured i would share it with you all {including the answer}.

my formspring box is over on the righthand side of the blog...don't be shy, ask {mostly} any questions and i will do my best to answer it!

question from 'anonymous':

"You sound lovely, but how come your husband was willing to date a wild party girl (before!) when he was mormon?"

{thanksgiving 2005...post 'turkey bowl' win! and 3 years before my baptism}

answer:

Sometimes I wonder that myself...he has more patience than anyone I know that's for sure!

While I wouldn't necessarily tag myself as a "wild" party girl {though I did drink} I think meeting in high school helped. There were not many LDS kids at our public high school and so most of his friends drank- though he did not, they completely supported him for his choice not to.

We had the same core group of friends our Junior Year in High School which is when we both started liking each other. I don't think we would have met in college because he would have never gone looking for his future wife in that crowd...so I am really lucky...

ultimately I am not sure why he was willing to stick-it-out with me...let's ask him!

Husband's Response:

"Interesting question, I don't think I have ever been asked that before. Going off of what

Kristen already said, we met when we were in High School, I have tried to look past peoples actions and see them for the good (I think the good naturally outweighs the bad for most people). I saw Kristen for what she really was, not the partying or differing views of faith we had, but rather a person with so much good and beauty. Both inside and out.

Kristen was inherently different than all of the other girls at high school. There was just "something" about her. Admittedly it was very tough on our relationship through the first 2 college years, but I would say it also brought us a lot closer at the same time.

So to sum it all up, me being Mormon only helped me have the opportunity to look deeper at Kristen, rather than just seeing her looks/appearances and what you see on the outside. If I did not have my faith and was not Mormon I would have probably never even been looking for a girlfriend. I would have probably never stuck it out and would not be married to this wonderful woman.

Being LDS is all about trying to emulate Christ, and trying to become a better person through Him. It is about changing yourself into something that you were not previously. I guess it has taught me to see people in that same light.

Thanks again for the question!

-The Husband "

{may 2010...my 23rd birthday}

{he makes me smile...a lot!}

giving to the poor.

it happens to us all.

whether we are driving in our cars and just outside our window someone is standing with a tattered cardboard sign or we are walking and {it seems like} out of no where a stranger is standing right next to us begging for spare change... we all have run-in's with 'homeless' men and women asking for money.

{the reason i have 'homeless' in quotes is not to belittle what it means to be homeless but rather because of the ever present question of is this person actually homeless.}

anyway...i often struggle with the question of if i should give these people money. without a doubt i would offer spare money i have if i knew that it would not be used on alcohol and drugs, but how do you know for sure?!

my mom used to keep brown paper bags filled with water bottles, granola bars and other snacks to hand individuals expressing hunger and the need for food, just to make sure they can't spend money on boose and while i should probably do this i haven't yet...

in the mean time i try to go by the spirit. in other words, i listen to my gut... if i truly feel like this person is struggling and needs money i will offer what i have...

just two days ago however, i was angered beyond belief by a "poor starving artist living on the street". after finishing my grocery shopping i was leaving the store and practically jumped on by a notorious man in my city who day in and day out stands by our shopping center. he asked for spare change. this man has always intrigued me because i've wondered what all his signs mean {he wears very random signs, and a coat that says 'artist skateboard mike'} and i really did feel bad for him so i scrounged for the very little change i had and i offered it to him. he took the change gratefully and i walked to my car.

while unloading my groceries i realized that the bag of oranges i had bought would never be finished by my husband and i so i ripped a hole in the bag and grabbed a couple oranges to bring back to 'mike'. i was so excited to have something to offer him and when i got back to where he was standing i raised the oranges up and offered them to him...

a look of complete and utter disgust took over his face. and rage began to take over my body. he looked at the oranges, looked at me and then, trying to come up with any excuse he could said, "oranges, uh... don't agree with me". without a word i turned around and walked back to my car.

this is the second time i have offered food to a "starving" person on the side of the road and they've refused to take it with an extremely bad attitude...it makes me angry beyond belief when this happens, i cant help it!

i am not sure about all of you, but if i was starving and living on the streets i would pretty much eat anything, as long as it wouldn't kill me...

i dont really have a moral to the story or reason for this post {as i will continue to struggle with to who and when to give money} however i wanted to share a frustration and question if this has ever happened to any of you? and if it has, does it make your blood boil like mine?! what do you all do when confronted by people asking for money?

thank you facebook...

so...finally i have finished the "story" of my baptism...questions? they are always welcome... and actually they are encouraged! i would hope that if you are following my blog, and i am reaching out to you, that you would reach on back if you did have a question... about anything. if you'd rather ask anonymously be my guest!

so now what?... it was my goal in starting this blog to write about everyday occurrences that are different now that i am a member of the LDS church. i thought it important, however, to tell you about me, and to give you all (if there is anyone even reading) a background as to where i am coming from before jumping into anything....but now you have the background...and here i go...

facebook... how i love it, and how i hate it...however, recently it has been a really good tool for me to serve as a reminder as to why i do not drink alcohol anymore. i am constantly getting updates about friends (many of whom are more so acquaintances now) and reading the "status updates" on the infamous newsfeed. (for those of you who are not on facebook, this is the opening page of facebook that highlights some of the status' your facebook friends have written about themselves)...anyway, as of recently it seems that there has been an outpouring of status' about drinking...and more so about the morning/day after a "night out"... after reading a few of these status updates i found it impossible to not think back on my past... and i realized and remembered how unhappy drinking made me...

what i really want to say is.... thank you facebook...and anonymous facebook friends who remind me that drinking makes you sick. fall down. lose things. and forget what happened the night before. not to mention it makes you act like a completely different person who makes really bad decisions while not even realizing it.

no amount of "fun" is worth any of the above mentioned things.

remembering how things used to be...

it is really hard for me to remember exactly how everything use to be... i do know that after the excitement of starting college and moving into the sorority wore off things in my life began changing...but definitely not for the better.

i started getting tired of going out to the frats all the time and the girls in my sorority began to criticize me and complain that i was never at the sorority anymore... when i did go out to parties with everyone it was almost as if i had to make up for what i had missed...i wanted to be fun and make the girls like me and want to hang out with me.

i started going home on the weekends and spending less and less time at the sorority, completely isolating myself from the others... it did not help that, on top of the criticism from my new friends, i was dealing with a lot of other stresses in my life...my parents had just gotten a divorce before i left for college, the house i had lived in my entire life was up for sale, my dad was getting re-married, and to top it off...the love of my life, patches my cat, got a stomach illness and had to be put down. needless to say things were not really going in my favor...

i was in a downward spiral mixed up of sadness about my past and present, depression from losing most of what i had known my whole life (house, parents, pets) and the pressure of trying to fit in that i reached the ultimate low.

i had the feeling in my gut that something had to change... that something was missing... and that something needed to be done quickly, or else it felt like i was headed for disaster...

an unlikely candidate...

i have to remind you i never thought i would be writing about this...this seems like an unlikely tale, especially when you rewind my life and look at who i used to be starting 3 years ago when i first started college...

i graduated high school and could not wait for college to start. before classes began i went through rush and joined a sorority notorious for "drinking like the boys do". sure enough this stereotype was not a myth.

a week after moving into the house the upperclassmen took the new freshmen out to the frats to show us off. i watched girls around me putting bottles of vodka and other alcohol up to their mouths and literally chugging them until they were sick. 2 weeks into this new lifestyle it was all normal to me...i was just a typical sorority girl living the greek life... my life was going great and i was living it up!

...at the time i would not have changed my life for anything...in fact if you would have tried to convince me that in the near future i would be talking with mormon missionaries regularly and reading the bible AND the book of mormon...

...guaranteed i would have had a laugh.