thursday through my eyes

today has been a long day! 

i have been in pain from a bad ovarian cyst that burst.

my doctor told me to take the rest of the week off to rest so the pain doesn't get too bad. 

i am have been lying down all day.

thinking.

watching tv.

wishing the husband didn't have an unusually busy day so that he could sit at home with me. 

while many people wish for days off, as a teacher, being away is hard.

i have been thinking a lot about the upcoming presidential campaign. 

how people stopped worrying so much about the religious side and focused on the real politics.

but i have been wondering what might happen if mitt romney is elected. 

will there be a surge in hatred against the church?

will there be any positive that comes from it?

i am not sure what will happen, but i am anxious either way.

i have been receiving more anti comments and formspring questions than usual.

i expected this. 

and i am sure it coincides with what is going on around the world.

i wouldn't choose a president based on religion. 

although i am sure that is happening this term.

through my eyes, religion is personal. 

it is up to the individual and what they personally believe.

it shouldn't bother you if someone has different religious beliefs than you 

because it doesn't effect you.

rant. rant. rant.

i blame it on my boredom.

sorry.

my kind of work week!

as a teacher, i really hate missing work.

sub plans are impossible to write. 

and they take forever.

i stress about leaving anything and everything the substitute might possibly need.

and i worry that my little stinkers will be...little stinkers! 

that being said,

i had to take monday off because of a doctors appt.

tuesday went by very quickly because i missed monday.

wednesdays are always a half day and fly by.

and toooomorrow...i am leaving at noon from work to catch a plane to...

DISNEYLAND! 

i could not be more excited! 

i.love.disneyland.

to help you understand how much i love it...

i will tell you a secret...

{{ i cried last time i went to disneyland during the parade. }}

yup. i said it. 

i cried at disneyland.

not because of the long lines, or the heat exhaustion.

i was one of those people who cry because of the joy of being at "the happiest place on earth".

i am cool. really, i swear. 

...don't judge me.

{this is from the first time the husband- who was the boyfrined then- and i went to disneyland together}
{this weekend will be our 3rd time going together!}

off to celebrate love

it's an exciting day today...

one of my oldest brothers {he is a twin} is getting married today! 

i am so excited for him, and even more excited to have yet another...SISTER! 

well, sister-in-law, but since my mom and dad were stinky and i don't have any real sisters...

sister-in-laws are the best! 

weddings are so fun. espcecially when it's someone close to you.

congrats to my big bro and his lovely bride.

you two are perfect for eachother! 

thursday through my eyes

my eyes have been a little hazy the past two weeks.

there have been many moments of hope, sadness, and worry.

in the past two days things have gotten better.

i haven't spoken with a doctor again.

i haven't been told this is all a dream.

but i have prayed.

and then prayed again.

prayed with the husband.

prayed with my family.

and then prayed again.

before joining the LDS church, i think i would have just moped around.

don't get me wrong,  i have done my share of moping...

but i have learned through the teachings of the church that we need to have faith,

and we need to trust in The Lord.

He will hear us speaking to him.

knowing that i can pray, and recieve answers, is comforting.

the power of prayer is strong.

very strong.

i feel that anything is possible through faith and prayer.

i haven't asked to be miraculously cured...

i have asked to feel of The Savior's love for me.

and i have felt it. 

i know that everything is going to be ok.

hurting.

as i have said many times before,

all i have ever wanted in life is to become a mom.

to have my very own family.

to be called "mommy".

to feel the unconditional love i will have for my children,

and that they will have for me.

my biggest fear in life has been that i won't be able to have my own children.

my fears are being realized.

i was diagnosed today with polycystic ovarian syndrome. 

PCOS.

the most awful acronym i've come across in my 25 years of life.

while this doesn't mean i can't have children...
it makes that thought closer to reality as it is one potential side effect of PCOS.

i am depressed.
i am scared.
and mostly i am heartbroken.

still the same

well...there she is.

the good ol'church.

i have to say, it was pretty weird being back inside.

i didn't think there would ever be a reason for me to go back there.

i guess i have jenny to thank for that!

do you have a sensitive nose?

do you ever have memories flood back to your mind...

because of a smell?

maybe my nose is just a super sniffer

maybe i am weird

but smells trigger my memories in an instant! 

my old church smelled exactly how it did.

it hasn't changed at all. 

i swear i was 6 years old again

sitting between one of my 3 brothers 

and my mom and dad

drawing on the "for kids to draw on" paper and pens that are set in each pew.

i wish i could bottle up scents to keep forever. 

that way

if i needed a little pick me up

or reminder of a special time

i could just open the vial...

and sniff! 

:)