missionaries.

last week, the husband, chloe and i were on one of our frequent walks 

when i saw a group of people walking ahead of us.

i could tell right away that this group was not on the same type of walk we were on.

in fact, i could tell, almost immediately that this small group of about 5 individuals were missionaries. 

i think nowadays just about everyone has seen an LDS missionary.

they can be spotted a mile away.

pants/suit, white shirt, tie, and the infamous name tag indicating that they are missionaries 

for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

these missionaries were not LDS, and i have no idea what church they belong to,

but it made me think about missionary work in general...

i have a huge amount of respect for anyone, of any religion, who chooses to do missionary work.

especially in this day and age.

to give up your time to spread a message of happiness is a wonderful thing.

i don't think you can make an argument against that.
you may not hold the same beliefs as the individuals carrying out the message,
but the sacrifice and devotion to their faith is admirable.

missionaries, of all faiths, have the door slammed on them daily.
they are yelled at. called idiots.
if someone has a differing opinion, we all have a tendency to disagree, argue, belittle, or ignore.
but its my hope, that all of us can look at these people who are dedicating their time,
with more respect.
whether you agree with their message or not,
you can change their entire day by taking a minute to just say "hi".
you can make a big difference in their life.

there is really no major point to this post, other than to say:
i am extremely grateful for those who chose to do missionary work. 

especially to the young men and women from the LDS church 

who dedicate their time and leave their homes to be "full time missionaries".

{young men serve 2 year missions; young women serve 18 month missions}

thank you, to all the missionaries out there. 

doubts.

here's another formspring question and answer....

did you have doubts right before converting? have you had doubts since?

i have answered the first bit of this one before...

in "the letter"

"i had lost the confidence i had in my decision to be baptized and was so nervous i didn't think i would make it through the night. before i left my boyfriends house that evening he stopped me and said that he had forgotten to give me something...it was a letter from one of the missionaries father..."

{http://throughtheeyesofamormon.blogspot.com/2010/01/letter.html}

it's funny how the spirit and the adversary work...

i had all the confidence in the world with my choice to be baptized...

but the night before my baptism the adversary tried to knock me down as hard as he could.

i am grateful for the love and support that i had and still have, or else my choice would have been much harder.

my baptism would still have happened, but it would have been much more difficult to get into that water.

as for today, and doubts that may have arisen...they haven't.

yes living a "mormon lifestyle" isn't always the easiest...

we live in a day and age where promiscuity and drinking is almost expected.
that is not me, nor will it ever be, but i am ridiculed for not being like everyone else.

does it make it harder to find true friends?

 yes.

does it give me doubts about my choice?

never. 

i know that my choice was the right one to make.

i know that i am where i need to be.

the letter...

the month leading up to my baptism went by really quickly...about a week before my baptism i was starting to feel really nervous and started questioning myself to see if i was making the right choice....the day before my baptism was a roller coaster, to say the least.

i had lost the confidence i had in my decision to be baptized and was so nervous i didnt think i would make it through the night. before i left my boyfriends house that evening he stopped me and said that he had forgotten to give me something...it was a letter from one of the missionaries father. i was a little confused as to why he would be writing to me...i mean, he didnt even know me... anyway, i drove to my apartment and read the letter before going to bed.

i am not going to say what was in the letter because it is too personal, however, i will tell you all that the words that filled the pages of the letter filled my eyes with tears, and my heart with love and joy...

the letter spoke of his trials and tribulations as a convert to the LDS church and gave me the reassurance that everything would be ok and that i truly was making the right decision.

i went to bed that night feeling so happy, excited, loved, and comforted. all because one man felt the need to write a letter to a complete stranger.

i am and will always be so grateful for that letter that i received.

one giant step for...me.

so i was meeting with the missionaries twice a week. once with my mom and once by myself... i liked talking with them and looked forward to learning about the church...

the missionaries have a set of five lessons that help guide them in teaching fundamentals about the church...if an investigator is struggling to grasp a concept, or doesnt agree, or has reservations they will continue to teach that person more about the topic until that individual is ready to move on...

meeting with the missionaries twice a week meant i flew through the lessons...but i was still not ready to take the giant step and be baptized. i had no confidence to help me make that decision and so i kept meeting with the missionaries, only now it was just once a week and without my mom.

those poor missionaries. they had to come up with so many games and things to teach me that it was probably a nightmare for them. but they kept coming back and coming back and coming back.

they finally, and i will say it was very bold, asked me if i would just pick a date to be baptized. nervous, i agreed....BUT i said it had to be after my 21st birthday which was 3 months away.

i had a trip planned to go to vegas with my mom for my birthday...i didnt want to have any regrets about going there and not being able to drink...and i thought that it would hurt my moms feelings a lot if i didnt drink on our trip for my 21st birthday!

it was planned that i would be baptized the second week in june 2008(...after my birthday, after my trip.) i was really nervous, and not at all confident with that decision...but it was set, and i figured i could always change the date or cancel it...

because i was so uneasy, i decided that i was not going to tell anyone...

at least not yet.

missionaries...

so...to be honest... after going to church for 3 months... i knew how the church made me feel. the missionary discussions were a way for me to learn the fundamentals that i needed to know. i wanted my mom there with me because, and i know now, that deep down inside of me i knew i was going to be baptized someday and i really wanted her to know about the church first hand...not from rumors or speculation.

my mom agreed to talk with the missionaries with me. i was really happy she was coming, and really nervous all at the same time. we set up an appointment to meet them at the church building so that my mom could get a "church tour"...basically to show that it is just a normal church building...missionaries often meet at an LDS building for the first discussion to show the "investigator" around the building and get them acclimated.

when we got to the building i was really nervous for my mom to be there...if you could have felt how i did, it was as if i was a member of the church already and i just wanted my mom to feel comfortable and welcome...i can only imagine how nervous the missionaries were.

after looking around the building we went into one of the classrooms and the missionaries taught the first lesson about faith and prayer...

i did not have a great experience once the lesson started. the missionaries seemed to be more focused on my mom than they were on me....not meaning to be selfish, but i wanted them to focus on me, and my interest in the church rather than try to spend all their attention with my mom, who was really just there because i asked her to come with me...

they asked HER to say a prayer, asked HER if she had questions and kept pushing HER to try new things church related...not only did i feel bad she was being pressured, but i knew she was feeling uncomfortable...

unfortunately in the weeks that followed (the missionaries try to meet with investigators once a week) the discussions were all very similar to the first one, with attention toward my mom and not focused on the person, me, who wanted to learn about the church!

i decided, along with my boyfriend who also sat in on our discussions, that i needed to not only meet with the missionaries with my mom, but on my own as well.

a little catch up... and more.

so i forgot to mention...after two years living the sorority life i dropped out of the whole greek thing and moved into an apartment. this made life so much more simple and less stressful. not to mention i could do what i wanted to do without the nagging voice of 30 girls telling me what i "should" be doing (in their opinion)...

( i was living in my apartment for about 2 months before i went to church for the first time. )

now back to where i left off....

anyone who knows anything about the LDS church knows that there is a very strong missionary force... anyone who goes to the LDS church for the first time, or has questions about the church, or is new to anything..well... mormon, is usually introduced to the missionaries within, oh...30 seconds of entering the building. they are there to teach and inform "investigators" (those who are interested or "investigating" the church)...

...i however managed to go to church for about 2 months before i began to talk with the missionaries...i am guessing that since my attendance at church was so regular, they most likely assumed that i was already a member.

after going to church for that long, it was actually myself who decided that i wanted to meet with the missionaries. my boyfriend and i have a very honest relationship so i asked him any questions that i had, but i had the desire to meet with the missionaries because i felt like they could teach me and answer my questions better than anyone.

...i made the plan that i was going to start the missionary discussions (lessons that are taught by missionaries to further someones knowledge about the church) after the new year started in January....

i also decided that i wanted my mom to take the discussions with me... so that she would know the basics about the church...just in case.