today.

since 5:30am, i have cried A LOT.

i wish i could say that it was because i was rehearsing my talk, but i didn't even give my talk today.

yes, you read that right, i did not give my talk, in fact i didn't even go to church.

a few days ago i developed a cold, and in the past 2 days an awful cough had been added to it. this morning {i consider it last night since it was so early} i woke up because my throat was on fire. i couldn't swallow or breathe because it hurt so badly.

the husband woke up with me and consoled me, because i was crying due to the pain...he helped me spray that throat spray to help ease the pain, and rubbed my back to help me fall back asleep.

he woke up around 6:50am to get ready for a meeting he has each week before church. the leaders of our ward meet at 8:00am to go over logistics of the week etc.

at the meeting, the bishop and his counselors asked if we were excited and ready for our talks and the husband said that i wasn't really feeling well but we were ready.

the husband called me and said they were concerned and didn't want me to speak if i wasn't feeling well...i knew in my head that i shouldn't speak today {i couldn't even get a full sentence out, my voice was so gone}, but i insisted.

i had to speak the same day as the husband. i had to be there to support him. and my mom and grandma were coming! {remember} i just had to give my talk today.

i got a text about 10 minutes later from the husband, as i was getting out of the shower saying that they didn't feel like i should talk and they would re-schedule me.

i melted... i burst into tears knowing that i would miss the husbands talk and realizing how sick i felt and how much my throat hurt.

of course i had to call my mom, and the second she answered i started crying even harder. {crying does not help a sore throat at all, let me tell you}

i struggled to get any words out as i told her what was going on.

crying still, i got back into bed depressed, miserable, and very upset.

now i am awake, waiting for the husband to walk in the door from church and knowing that i will cry the second i see him.

this sucks.

i feel like i cannot handle anything else happening to me right now. you already know about all the migraines, plus in the past week i have been dealing with a hemorrhagic ovarian cyst that is causing a lot of pain, now this sickness {the husband and i think it is probably strep because of those infamous little white spots on the back of my throat} and...sorry if there are any guys reading this... but i am 90% sure i am going to get the 'p' soon because i am getting cramps {although this may be due to coughing so hard that i am getting an ab workout...a possible benefit?! not really}.

i am sorry to those of you who wanted to read my talk today...i wish with all my heart that i was able to give my talk and post it today, but i promise i will post it after i give it, if i ever get to..

for now i am going to go lie down, hopefully with some soup {if i can swallow it}.

happy sunday.

getting ready for sunday.

i just finished writing 'the talk'.

sheesh. i wrote most of it yesterday and thought i was done and then realized that it was not long enough...after addding a bit more today its finally long enough.

the only problem is that everytime i read it outloud i cry. ugh.

this happened last time i gave a talk too...but i was lucky in that i didn't even shed a tear when i read it in church.

here's to hoping that is the case again...

no public tears please. its just...awkward.

confessions of a convert...

so i have another confession to post, and you all much answer the question at the end because i need your help!

i have to say that i have always been a pretty modest dresser.

some of you may disagree because of standards you were raised by, but that is my opinion, and this is MY blog. :]

i have never worn the tiny little abercrombie shorts, with holes basically on the butt cheeks...although i used to wear shorts.

i have never been comfortable wearing low cut tops or mini skirts.

my confession here is that although i understand the reasons for dressing modestly, it is REALLY hard to find cute, modest clothing...key word: cute, and this makes life realllllly frustrating sometimes.

i want to dress in cute clothes.

i want to dress in modest clothes.

i know i can do both...

i love shade's clothes, they are cute and modest without looking like a 'molly-mormon' (altough they are closed for a little longer).

but i cannot, for my life, find other clothing websites that have cute modest clothes that i know i can order from... and wont have to send back because they're too short, too low, too wide on the shoulders etc.

does anyone have any good websites with fabulous clothes?!

help. help. help.

i had to add this to my post:

this is what we're working with people. i searched for modest clothing and i found this:

quote from my sister-in-law: "is it a one piece or a two piece?"

i really don't know.

what i do know is that not only is this wonderful modest ADULT outfit sold out in 3 sizes, it is also $60.

no-thank-you.

{ok rant is over}

you there?!

i thought i had lost you all...no comments, no visitors...no nothing.

{not that you NEED to comment, but it's always nice!}

anyway, i just realized that my blog not only was not showing up on certain web browsers, but also all the comment forms were missing.

i have been having a TON of technical difficulties with my blog recently and i am slowly working them out.

hang in there! i am fixing them one by one.

comments are back up! go on, you know you want to leave one! :]

talking in church.

i was asked to give a talk in sacrament meeting.

yikes.

{like i mentioned before, the speakers at church on sundays are members of the congregation. each week there are 2 speakers and sometimes a youth speaker as well}

i was asked over a week ago if i could give a talk on the 27th, along with the husband too, and i have yet to write anything...

the husband has written two talks already {although he is unhappy with both}, and is stressed... he keeps mentioning how unprepared he is, and how he really needs to "get things together for the talk".

hey thanks babe, i haven't even started!!

stress. stress. stress.

did i mention i am STRESSED!

i have had zero time to even think about giving a talk that is now in...ONE WEEK.

i am thinking i should just steal one of his talks... but don't worry, i most likely wont.

i've got this right!?

right.

would you all like me to post my talk on the 27th after church?

comment below and let me know.

(yep, i am a poet...not).

OH and btw, i asked my mom and grandma to come to church that day to hear me and the husband speak...scaaaaary.

have a wonderful saturday!

choked up.

do you ever get choked up at really inappropriate times?!...you know when no one else is crying, or even kind of sad, but you are fighting back tears?!

confession: i definitely do.

exhibit a: today, while watching "enchanted" {yes, the disney movie, and no i am not afraid to admit it} i got pretty choked up at the end...i just love a happy ending.

and exhibit b: in my class management class at school tonight our teacher was talking about not being able to 'save everyone'...aka you cannot turn every students life around and make everyone have a better life. however, he did say that there are going to be certain students you connect with...well, in the short month that I have been helping out in my classroom for student teaching i have found that certain student.

that student is is a boy with autism. the first time we met eyes, he looked at me like he could kill me, he wanted nothing to do with me.

its only been just a short month later, and already he is telling people we are going to go on bus rides together {which is a story he has created in his head}, and telling his dad after school that he wants to call me to talk about the pink shoes i wore on valentines day...

this progression melts my heart.

we are talking a boy, who shows no emotion...ever. but the past week when he see's me walk into the room he smiles! SMILES! i cannot believe it.

i started tearing up in class thinking about how much his attitude toward me has changed and how much i wish i could help him, and other students who struggle, more.

i pray that when i have a classroom of my own i can make a difference in my students lives.

and with that... cue my tears.

{i think i am just SUPER emotional today or something!}

anyway, that is my random story for the day...

till next time!

happy valentines day!

i have always loved valentines day.

i was the definition of a girly girl... i loved pink and purple, and i refused to wear anything but dresses and skirts!...no seriously, i would not wear pants.

my mom and grandma had to trick me into them...they made me "bubbles" which were NOT pants...rather they were overalls with puffy legs, are you imagining the 80s yet?!)

needless to say, i loved valentines day.

pink, hearts, candy, LOVE. it's everything a girl could wish for.

the best part was the my dad didn't only give a valentine to my mom, he always made me feel very special too! (one year he bought my mom and i both our own rose bush to plant in the garden! i felt so grown up!!)

i guess what i am trying to say is that valentines day is not only for 'lovers'...i didn't have a "real" valentine until my senior year in high school but that didn't stop me from loving the day for what it was.

yes, i know many of you hate valentines day, the infamous hallmark holiday...but take some time and tell a family member, a friend, or anyone really that you are thinking about them...

share the love!

this one is for my handsome man...happy valentines day!

update.

one little kristen

having pain in her head,

went to the doctor and the doctor said...

no more...oh i give up... i couldn't think of a rhyme for what she said! :P

but she did take lots of tests, and told me...

nothing helpful.

if it's migraines, its migraines...all they can do is put me on a daily pill and hope it goes away. if it's not migraines, but something else is causing it, she said hopefully the tests will come back and tell her that.

so i am still waiting. {waiting with a headache for that matter}.

oh well.

cheers, to life's little 'fun' moments like these!

headaches.

so to start things off i just have to give some background info...

my whole life i have gotten headaches. i have been poked and prodded by doctors but none of them can tell me what is causing them.

these headaches are not just every once in a while, they are about 4-5 times per week, sometimes more...and recently have turned into mostly migraines. {whereas i used to get migraines, but only rarely}.

my headaches are now offset by everything.

working out.

watching tv.

studying.

doing anything really.

and let me tell you that feeling nauseous, along with being sensitive to light, along with feeling even worse if you move or talk is not fun... at all!

because they have been getting worse than ever i have considered going back in to the doctors to see if, yet again, they can try to find the cure.

well, the past week i started seeing stars every once in a while and now i know i need to go to the doctor, because that is BAD. i will be sitting, minding my own business, and little stars appear and disappear in an instant in my eyes.

{i promise this is going to relate to church, so just keep reading}.

last night the husband and i were sitting in our office talking about randomness when the little stars appeared and in my head i heard myself say, "you need to go to the doctors", only it wasn't me talking...it was the spirit talking to me through myself {if that makes any sense}.

i stopped talking awkwardly, and the husband asked what was going on.

i was embarrassed for some reason to say anything, but the moment i started telling him what had just happened i started crying, and hid my face in my hands.

without another word, he asked my if i wanted a blessing.

{in the LDS church we believe that men who hold the priesthood can give a special prayer, also called a blessing, by the laying on of hands and by inspiration, to one who is sick or otherwise in need of special counsel, comfort, or healing {just as Jesus Christ and his Apostles did in their time}.

i agreed and he gave me a blessing.

i was so comforted by his words, and the love that i felt not only from him, but also from our loving Father in Heaven that my tears stopped and i was comforted and able to relax.

i am so grateful to have a husband who holds the priesthood and for the power of blessings in my life.

i don't know what i would have done without the husband last night.

and i am calling the doctor right now.

i will keep you all posted.

fast and testimony meeting

for those of you who don't know, the first sunday of each month is called "fast and testimony meeting". this means that every first sunday of every month the members of the LDS church forego 2 meals {usually breakfast and lunch} and the money that we would have spent on those meals is then donated to the church.

also, during church on the first sunday of the month there are no speakers, no planned talks to share, merely the members of the congregation are given the opportunity to walk to the front of the chapel and bear their testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel, if would like to.

it can get preeeeetty awkward sometimes when no one is going up to the front, but someone always ends up getting up and then they are followed by other individuals who just needed someone else to go first.

anyway, months and months ago i decided to go up to the front and bear my testimony. i could feel the spirit so strongly telling me to get up and go talk about my love and gratitude for the church...

so i got up, walked to the front and began to speak.

and then it happened.

i said PILGRIMS....pilgrims instead of pioneers! {i didn't even correct myself because i didn't realize i did it until it was too late to go back and say the correct word}

this may not seem like that big of a deal, but to LDS people the pioneers are a BIG part of history, and as we know, pioneers and pilgrims are TOTALLY different.

whoops. how embarrassing!

yes, there are worse things that could have happened...tripping on my way up there to name one. but i think i am scarred for life, which is totally silly!

have any of you out there said or done anything awkward or embarrassing in public?!

do share!

freaky friday:

ironic that when i went to type in 'freaky friday' my computer went on the fritz and posted just the title that i had written before i had time to type anything else...hmmm. freaky?!

anyway, the reason for this post is because something crazy happened!!! {ok it wasn't that crazy, but it was a little strange}

this one is for all you 'LOST' fans out there...

last weekend the husband, my mom and i were watching LOST {the television show}...to those of you who don't watch it, be careful starting it...it is A-DICTING.

for those of you who DO watch it, SHHHH i haven't finished watching the last season, so no spoiling it for me :] and i promise i wont spoil it for you if you haven't finished and you keep reading...

like i said, we were watching an episode {i think it was the 8th?} of the last season and i legitimately had to pause the dvd and turn to my husband and say "WHAT?!?!?!"...the episode that was playing before my eyes had more LDS church ideas and 'stuff' than i could handle without stopping and saying something.

obviously they worded everything differently than the church does, but the similarities between the dialogues in the show and what i was taught by the missionaries was uncanny. i even turned to my mom and said "remember when the missionaries taught you about...blah blah blah" and she was shocked to realize the similarities. {not to mention the quick conversation we had was a good refresher for her on a church topic}.

anyway, this post is really random, and very confusing, but i had to let you all know....i swear, the church is integrated in everything i do...

it's freaky.

knowledge.

i've got a good question for all of you out there...

have you ever been talking to a friend, or family member who is either an inactive LDS member or not a member at all, and they express "their" beliefs to you but insist they disagree with the LDS church wholeheartedly...only they don't realize, and wont listen to you when you try to tell them that what they "believe" is not what the church they go to believes and is actually LDS doctrine?!

ok, obviously i am raising my hand because i totally have!

here is a major difference that i have noticed between the LDS church and my previous church experience:

i know what i believe. before being baptized i had ideas of what i believed, i knew i had faith...believed in the bible etc. but when it came to really knowing what my church believed i had no idea.

now i do.

there is so much comfort in knowing what you believe and being able to answer people's questions when they say, "what do you guys believe?!"

only here is something else i have noticed.

if you ask a person what church they go to and they say "st. marks" or something like that...there are no follow up questions, people just don't ask questions about other religions...just a smile and a nod or a "cool" in return from the questioner.

if someone asks what church i go to and i say the LDS church, i end up playing 20 questions...not that that is a bad thing...its just an interesting observation...wouldn't you say?! {say yes.}

anyway. enough ranting for now...i am going outside to play in the sunshine! :]

ta-ta-for-now!

{i just realized that i deleted the 'followers' tab on the side of my blog...if you want to 'follow' my blog and be updated when i write a post you can scroll to the top of the page and put your cursor at the top. a bar will show up and on the lefthand side it says follow...click it, and make you and me happy! :] }