keys

i had a good reminder of the power of prayer.

i have been meaning to write about this for a while now.

but, well... you know. 

my life is caaaa-razy right now.

so here is the story:

the husband and i were house sitting a little while ago and my sister-in-law and i had headed over to the house to check on the pets.

when we got there and turned the car off

the keys refused to come out of the ignition.

the car was off.

it was in park.

but those stubborn keys would NOT come out.

we tried...over and over and over.

we tried everything.

no luck.

we ended up being able to park the car in the garage 

{as we could not lock the car without the keys...duh}

then came the problem.

the next day the husband and i were going to a baptism.

we were trying to figure out what to do because we couldn't both go inside leaving the keys in the car.

we both had to get clothes for the baptism from our apartment...

i went in first and the husband sat in the car on key duty.

i changed and went back to car.

there was husband, walking toward the doors.

keys-in-hand!

i couldn't believe he had gotten them free.

i asked him how he did it..

with a grin he said

"i said a prayer and they just...came out"

all i could do was smile back.

thank you for the reminder darlin'

aha!

yesterday i had a big aHA moment. 

i was sitting in the chapel, waiting for church to start

heart beating, very fast, as i prepared to say the opening prayer for our sacrament meeting.

the husband was scheduled to say the prayer but he had to leave unexpectedly to pick someone up

so it was all up to me.

and then the bishop announced that someone else was saying the prayer.

part of me said "phew"

the other part was a little sad...weird i know.

anyway...

that set me up for the rest of sacrament meeting.

i was feeling the spirit really strongly yesterday.

then i realized why.

i have been expecting the feel the spirit as of lately, and often times i do not feel it.

this can be really frustrating.

i want the spirit to be with me all the time, but the problem is...that it isnt.

then the aHA came. 

i cannot expect the spirit to be with me if i am not actively pursuing it. 

the key word here folks is actively.

without a doubt the spirit will be with me if I am actively seeking the spirit and doing the right things...

if i pray.

if i read the scriptures.

if i actually pay attention in church...

 rather than tuning out merely hoping that i can feel the spirit...

if i do all the right things...

i will feel the spirit.

why is something so simple like this so hard to figure out sometimes?!

my reminder to pray.

why is it, that in the times that i need to the most, i forget to pray?

whenever i am mad...stressed...feeling overwhelmed...or completely ill or in pain, i never remember to reach out to my heavenly father and ask for help. yes, i remember to pray every night (and some mornings...mini-confession, i am awful at remembering in the morning).

is it 'the opposition' trying to drag me down to an even deeper pit of despair than i already feel? is it my attitude and my inability to let the spirit into my life no matter who much it wants to help?!

why must the husband remind me to say my prayers when i am feeling these ways, and why, WHY when he does remind me, do i get mad that he told me to pray and resist even more?

i am reminded of a story, of being reminded to pray, that i heard from a mother...and she's a reader, so i hope she doesn't mind me sharing...no names though ;)

this 'mother' was completely overwhelmed...stressed beyond belief (as most mom's tend to feel i am sure)... needing to get out the door to go one place or another the mother realized she had lost her keys. enlisting her children's help (all under age 9) they turned her home literally upside down trying to find the keys...no luck. the keys were no where to be found. in frustration, the mother continued to look when one of her children said to her, "mom, let's say a prayer". and they did. and their prayers were answered. they found the keys.

i was so amazed (and jealous mostly) by the faith of the little boy. he knows that when we need help, even if it is to find keys, we can pray to our Heavenly Father because He IS listening. always.

i think that we can all learn a lesson from this story.

no prayer goes unanswered. no prayer is too small (or too big!).

and lastly, prayer is a gift we have been given by our Father in Heaven. We all need to remember to pray...and to have a prayer in our hearts, always.

(it isn't so bad to be reminded every now and then either, but that's for me to remember!)

another great question...

question:

There are lots of things I genuinely like about the Mormom church but lots of historical things that make me question and seem illogical (to me). Did you deal with any of these doubts when you converted or have any problems with things like this?

answer:

I definitely had my questions. I, as many people, had heard rumors and stories about the mormon church before being a member. In fact, in the beginning of my relationship with my now husband, if I was asked whether I would ever convert to mormonism I would give a foul look at said "no way!" because of what I had heard.

Three things I struggled with were: 1) polygamy 2) the temple and 3) Joseph Smith/ The Book of Mormon

Polygamy: My now-father-in-law is a very smart and well educated man, especially in church history. It took only one conversation on the topic of polygamy to understand why it was a necessary thing in the past. To many people's disbelief, it was never for {and excuse my bluntness} sexual reasons. The early church members were NOT sexual deviants...rather if you look into church history polygamy started as many of the men in the church were being killed for their beliefs. The women were left on their own right before having to cross the United States with their children on foot. Specific men, NOT all LDS men were called to marry other women. It would have been inappropriate for men to have lived with and cared for the women and children if not married...thus polygamy started. Now, of course, polygamy is illegal and the church stands by that full force. Any member of the church who tries to have a polygamous relationship is excommunicated {something that is relatively hard to have happen}.

The Temple:

I cannot stand being left in the dark. When I am learning about something, I want to know everything. This brought a problem when learning about the Temple because I just wanted to go inside! I didn't care I wasn't a member...it wasn't fair I couldn't go in. My interest in what went on inside was only heightened when my mom told me AWFUL stories about what she had heard happened inside to women. I was disgusted, mortified, and did not want to go. I relayed this information to my husband {then boyfriend} and he helped me tremendously. He, admittingly frustrated that I would believe such stories told me this, "My Dad loves my Mom more than anything. He loves his daughters more than anything... do you EVER think that he would let something like that happen to them?!"...I felt a little silly realizing what I had believed and realized that nothing like that would happen in the temple.

My confidence, love and excitement to go to the temple came through prayers this experience {http://throughtheeyesofamormon.blogspot.com/2010/04/vancouver-bc-temple.html} and and overwhelming feeling of confidence I received through the Holy Ghost as driving by the Temple one day. I can say, since being to the Temple that it is an amazing place of peace, happiness, and love. I don't think anything un-pure or negative could happen there.

Joseph Smith/ The Book of Mormon:

This is probably the number one thing people struggle with. It is an amazing, unbelievable thing to think of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appearing to a boy of 14. I was told that if I didn't believe that they appeared to him, but read the book of mormon and found the words in the book to be true, the Joseph Smith 'story' must then be true as well, for if Joseph Smith had not seen Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ then the Book of Mormon would not exist.

Since being a member of the church, I have learned many more things about The Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith that help confirm to me that he saw what he did and that there is no way he could have made up the Book of Mormon. One such way was through talking to someone who had served a mission and had met a man who had lived in the Middle East. He was not a member of the church but knew the area's spoken of in the Book of Mormon very well. He expressed to the missionaries that there is no way someone could write about those places in that time without visiting the Middle East, which Joseph Smith had never done. The middle-eastern man joined the church as soon as he could even though he would have been killed for doing so if he returned to his home. He expressed to the missionaries who warned him he could be killed, "wouldn't you die for this church?"

Ultimately, like the how I gained confidence about the Temple, many prayers and thought were put into understanding Joseph Smith and what he went through {and also the Book of Mormon}. The more I read and the more I research the more I understand and realize there is no way he came up with the words written in the Book of Mormon by himself and I know that the words within it are inspired of God. So I no longer have an issue with this at all!

Sorry for the lengthy, scrambled answer! If I made other questions come up, feel free to ask!

Have a good one!

:]

Delete

language...

another thought inspired by facebook...

after browsing facebook a few days ago i couldn't help but notice the language many people use. the slang, the swearing, the vulgar comments that blow. my. mind.

it made me think one thing.

i am really lucky.

i am lucky that the people in my life who surround me don't use that language. i am lucky that my husband treats me with respect and doesn't call me names...names that other men wouldn't find offensive at all {but are}.

i cannot believe that a little over 3 years ago that type of talking wouldn't have even made me think twice. {not that i had a trucker's mouth at all, but i just wasn't as sensitive as i am now to swearing etc.}

it's continues to amaze me...{the gospel of Jesus Christ that is}. my life has changed so much...and yet i have not really changed at all.

yes, i don't swear anymore...ok confession...only when i am REALLY mad. {i'm working on that one}.

yes, i don't drink alcohol anymore.

yes, i go to church every single sunday {for 3 hours straight!}

yes, i pray all the time.

yes...well... i guess i have changed.

but i am still kristen. just improved.

being tested...

something has been happening the past few days.

an unusual amount of people around me have not only been bringing up the LDS church, but putting me on the spot.

monday: i was literally called out by my teacher..."who's the mormon in here?" then i was asked endless questions about random 'mormon' things, including how my parents feel about me joining the church. after answering that they are supportive of me being happy {over actually being happy i am mormon} my teacher responded that they are 'weird'. hmmm...

tuesday: another teacher started listing off churches too see who was from what faith. the third church he asked was LDS...i raised my hand...and unlike him moving on to the next on the list of faiths, he stopped and asked a list of questions as well...very similar questions to the ones i was asked the previous day. {others in my class laughed because of how weird it was that this interrogation happened just yesterday as well...i think they felt bad for me}. interestingly, my teacher said that 2 generations back his family was all LDS but they were excomm

unicated from the church because they refused to end their polygamous way, and actually housed polygamous families in their basement when the church {and state} ended the practice and it became illegal.

today: a workout class that i attend regularly has a very outgoing teacher. today randomly she brought up that her best friend when she was growing up was mormon {and she had 15 siblings}...then she TOO asked if anyone in the class was. she, luckily, had no interrogation for me {i think she was just curious}.

from all of this one thing is clear to me.

i am being tested.

heavenly father knows about this post, and he knows that i need to get my confidence levels up.

i will admit this trial has been hard, and kinda scary...but it is an answer to my prayers. i needed help with being able, and comfortable, talking to people about who i am...and this is his way of helping me... literally giving me practice.

be careful what you pray for... he's listening :]

giving thanks.

yes i know it is the day after thanksgiving...but it is never too late to give thanks.

i am so thankful for so many things in my life:

for my family.

for my friends.

for my amazing husband...and his incredible patience.

for a roof over my head.

for the ability to choose.

for my health and strength.

for the LDS church.

for prayer.

for the seasons...each one of them and the beauty they bring.

for the amazing technologies we have in this generation that keep us safe.

for school {most of the time :] }

and for everything in between.

this is truly and amazing time of year... cherish the small, tender moments in life. those are the ones that last forever in our memories.

what will the prescription be?

in the midst of the storm {more like really rainy weather} outside, i feel like i have a storm within me.

this is the happiest time of my life right?! newly married, on my way to being a teacher {my dream career} everything seems to be going my way...and yet i have been sad.

after painstakingly questioning myself for about a week i figured out my problem.

remember, this blog is to reveal the REAL feelings of one convert to the LDS church, so no judging.

although hard to admit, the problem was my motivation and passion for church...i realized that while i was happy in other aspects of my life my fire and desire for church-y things was dwindling and this made me VERY sad.

why didn't i anticipate going to church on sunday like i had for 2 years? why was it hard for me to get on my knees and pray? why did i get irritated when every conversation i had led back to church?

was something wrong with me? was i becoming a 'bad' member of the LDS faith?

i felt sick. and wanted desperately to come up with a solution.

i had figured out the problem:

diagnosed. yes.

prescription: to be filled...still.

{and most likely re-filled constantly my whole life}

comfort.

there is comfort found in prayer.

today i found out some news that rattled the ground i walk on. it made it hard to concentrate...especially when i felt as though my emotions were schizophrenic...crying one second, laughing the next, angry with frustration at other moments....it was exhausting.

however, amidst the range of emotions and sadness i was able to bow my head and pray. there is definitely a power, and a difference when you are praying with an open and or broken heart.

day to day prayers are important...however when you say a prayer, as i said one today, tears racing each other down my face, {it seemed to me} it would be impossible to not feel love and know that you are being watched over and truly TRULY listened to...

i am grateful i can pray to heavenly father and for the comfort it provides in times of happiness, sadness, strength and weakness...

i am grateful for prayer.

afraid.

for the first time i was nervous about being a member of the LDS church.

that is something very hard to admit.

the school i am doing my masters program at is a private christian school. while there is nothing wrong with that, at all, something in class provoked my nerves.

in one of my classes my teacher asked if there was anyone in the room who was not a 'believer'. no one raised their hands indicating that everyone in my program {a group of 26ish students} is a follower of christ in one way or another.

in a room full of what my teacher calls 'believers' it made me start to think of all the 'believers' out there that are very against the LDS church. in fact many churches, and individuals do not consider the LDS church even christian rather they think of the LDS church as a cult, or an abomination.

i knew this when i was baptized. what i didn't know was how it would affect me.

what if there were students in my program that would hate me because of my religion? what if no one would be my friend? what if i would be looked at differently just because of what i believe?

i was very nervous when my teacher starting asking a few individuals what church they went to...

"please don't call on me, pleeeease don't call on me" is all i could think to myself. my heart pounding.

i was not called on. i was, however, for the first time, afraid to admit what church i belonged to, in fear that i would be looked at differently. in fear that my teacher would grade me differently.

that is not fair.

many prayers have followed that day in class. many prayers have been answered since that day in class.

i am not afraid anymore. i have courage. i am proud to be a member of the LDS church.

i realize, nothing and no one can bring me down... unless I let them...

which i wont.

2 years...

today is april 19th, which means....it has already been 2 full years since my baptism. i cannot believe how fast time has been flying by. my life has changed more than i could have ever imagined it would....

although i am the same person i was and always will be, i know that i am truly a much happier person now. my life is so much more simple, and a lot of the unneeded stress of the outside world is no longer a burden on my life...

i am healthier because of the word of wisdom...

i am more patient because of the scriptures...

i feel comforted when i am scared because of the power of prayer...

i am happier because i know that there is a plan for me, that my family can be together forever and that i am living my life in a way that i can be proud of myself.

prayer.

i believe that prayer is one of the greatest gifts that we are given by our heavenly father...

the power of prayer is great...we can pray alone or with another individual, we can also pray in groups, but no matter how we pray it is important to remember who we are praying to.

in prayer we are literally speaking to our father in heaven... he has sent us to earth to grow and learn, but he has not left us stranded. our heavenly father has given us the gift of communication and it is up to us to decide how often, if ever, that we would like to communicate with him.

heavenly father is always ready to hear and answer our prayers. in prayer it is important that we thank our heavenly father for all the blessings that he has given us, but in prayer we can also ask for guidance, ask for forgiveness, ask for support, ask for comfort, or ask for whatever our hearts desire...

when you ask and you pray, i promise you that you will receive and answer.

the first step in getting down on those knees.