baby blessing.

in the LDS church, babies are not baptized.

it is our belief that individuals can be baptized starting at the age of eight.

we see the age of 8 as"the age of accoutability"

which means simply:

an eight year old knows wrong from right.

then can choose to make good and bad choices.

at the age of eight, a child can choose to be baptized.

when a child is born into an LDS family,
rather than being baptized,
they are given a baby blessing.
this blessing is typically given at church
during their first couple months of life.

in the blessing the child is officially given their name
as well as a blessing of health and happiness.
each baby's blessing is unique to the individual child.
for those non-lds folk reading, a blessing is king of like a prayer.
 {i'll write more about blessings in the near future}

i was lucky enough to have many family members attend baby c's blessing.
all of of the husbands immediate family were there
along with some extended family who were able to fly in from out of town.
almost all of my immediate family came too,
which was lucky for me because i didn't ask most of them until the day before.
i was really nervous, and didn't want to pressure them to come,
and I was nervous because many of them had never attended an LDS church service before.

it was such a special day, and to be able to share it with family made it even better.
here are some pictures we took after church:

{two of my 3 older brothers}

{my mom...aka grandma}

{the husbands' dad and grandfather}

{all the girls}

{cousins}

{it's a good thing you cannot tell baby c had spit up EVERYWHERE and was screaming throughout all the pictures}

confessions of a convert

so i have a HUGE confession. although in actuality, it isn't a confession at all... it's really more of an apology. 

i confess, i dropped of the face of this crazy planet {and no i do not feel good about it}

the last 10 months have been ridiculous. but they are now behind me.

i am a year older. i have a year of teaching under my belt. and my life is quickly de-stressing.

i have not felt this happy in a long time.

i also want to admit something else... and it's a little tough to say, but the point of this blog is honestly right?

in the chaos that is my life the past few months i have struggled a little with church-ly things. 

with my desire to want to read scriptures.

with talking about anything church re-lated.

with my calling.

and even at times not wanting to go to church. 

i hate it. 

it makes me feel like i am doing everything wrong. 

it felt like years since i had felt the comfort or love of the spirit. 

then i was reminded by a friend at church today of something very important.

{although she doesn't realize she helped me}

you cannot sit around waiting for someone or something to help you be spiritually uplifted.

specifically, you cannot just sit and wait for the spirit to find you.

 you need to be proactive and do things to help bring the spirit back into your life.

i have been sitting around waiting. 

{hoping to magically feel uplifted}

not reading the scriptures.

not giving my all to my calling.

not letting my husband talk about church. {oops}

just waiting.

and that doesn't work. 

trust me.

if you want to feel the spirit in your life, you have to do something about it. 

thank you mindi.

your testimony today helped me more than you'll ever know. 

aha!

yesterday i had a big aHA moment. 

i was sitting in the chapel, waiting for church to start

heart beating, very fast, as i prepared to say the opening prayer for our sacrament meeting.

the husband was scheduled to say the prayer but he had to leave unexpectedly to pick someone up

so it was all up to me.

and then the bishop announced that someone else was saying the prayer.

part of me said "phew"

the other part was a little sad...weird i know.

anyway...

that set me up for the rest of sacrament meeting.

i was feeling the spirit really strongly yesterday.

then i realized why.

i have been expecting the feel the spirit as of lately, and often times i do not feel it.

this can be really frustrating.

i want the spirit to be with me all the time, but the problem is...that it isnt.

then the aHA came. 

i cannot expect the spirit to be with me if i am not actively pursuing it. 

the key word here folks is actively.

without a doubt the spirit will be with me if I am actively seeking the spirit and doing the right things...

if i pray.

if i read the scriptures.

if i actually pay attention in church...

 rather than tuning out merely hoping that i can feel the spirit...

if i do all the right things...

i will feel the spirit.

why is something so simple like this so hard to figure out sometimes?!

again?!

it happened again...

and i swear i am being followed.

whenever i am struggling or issues in my life have come up,

that sunday at church something weird happens.

it happened last sunday.

i was at church like usual, paying attention to all the lessons that every one had prepared like normal when i went to relief society {the class for women only}

as i listened, i realized that the lesson being taught 

was addressing, quite literally, all the problems that i was facing that week. 

i could not have planned a better lesson for

what i was going through...it brought tears to my eyes.

i was overwhelmed by the spirit in the room.

so then, who is following me and telling the teachers 

exactly what to say?!

because it is definitely not just a coincidence.

and it happens all the time! 

confessions of a convert.

this blog is about my life through mormon eyes right?

right.

on that note, i have something to share...

mormons talk about church a lot.

this is something i used to give my husband a hard time about {in a cute, joking way of course}... i used to tease him that he could take any conversation and "bring it back to church". in other words, he could relate anything to something "churchy".

what i have realized though is that as a member of the LDS church, church comes up every day. i am not talking a mention of the word "church", i am talking a full conversation, literally everyday, comes up naturally no matter how your day is going or what you are doing.

it is because being LDS it isn't just something you do on sunday, it is a lifestyle change. it is a part of who you are.

you could be on a date, with friends, at dinner, with family, at a theme park...it doesn't matter. sometime during the day church will come up.

i know that this is not true of other faiths...because i have lived another faith...i have friends and family of other faiths...i know many people of other faiths... it may be true of some church going people, but seriously...who talks about church everyday?!

well...i do. and i like it.

and that is my confession.

confession of a convert.

i had just finished dinner with the husbands family when my phone rang. i answered the phone to hear a lot of commotion and my brother saying, "hi, i have a really random question"...not thinking much of the situation i said "okkkk...."

this is what he said, "is it true mormons have to give 10% of their income to temple?"

OK... random is right, that really came out of left field! my brother is a self-proclaimed atheist so i am wondering at this point, which of his friends brought that up, and what else are they talking about?!

i answered his question, "well, we do pay a tithing of 10% of our income, but it doesn't just go to the temples. there are many other things the money goes to. it is also a choice to pay tithing, no one can make you do anything, we all can choose to pay or not, that is between us and the Lord."

he just couldn't seem to get over this fact...asking me how they monitor if we really pay 10%, if they check our pay checks and what they do if we don't pay the money...after explaining that it is all based on honesty he seemed to understand. i related tithing to the offerings made in the episcopal church we grew up in, this helped tithing make much more sense to him.

we finished our conversation with me reminding him that if he ever reads or hears something weird about the church to make sure he asks me before believing what he hears and he said "i know, i figured i would call you and brett because you are the the ones i trust about this stuff"

i am so happy that my brother was able to call me and ask for the truth about something one of his friends was just throwing around in a conversation.

it also made me a little sick to my stomach to think that my brother and his friends were talking about the church, when none of them are members. i know what a lot of people think about the church, and it isn't all good.

so here is the confession: it sucks to know that my family hears a lot of garbage and false truths about the church, and most likely believes it...it sucks to know that my family talks about me behind my back.

{my brother and i on top of tiger mountain}

a woman's worth

this post is for the ladies...sorry boys!

last sunday at church, there was a lesson about "motherhood"...yes, it probably should have been saved for this weekend...but that is ok. :)

we talked about the fact that every woman, with child or not, is a mother. we can be a mother to our friends, a mother to our family, a mother to those around us...a mother to or for pretty much anyone.

i loved that the lesson wasn't only focused on those who have children...there are many who either cannot have children, are having trouble with getting pregnant, have lost children, aren't in their child-bearing stage of life (aka me) and everything in between.

but the main point, like i said, is that all women are mothers.

i agree.

do we not all, as women, have that innate, sensitive, caring bone within us?!

i think all women do... it's just a fact: women are more sensitive (and way awesome...-er) than men. :)

i am so excited to be a mother when the right time comes... but until then, i will be a mother in other ways... for other's that might need a mother. (thinking especially of the little first graders in my class who need a little extra 'mom' time in their life because they are not getting the time at home. {insert breaking heart sound here})

i am sending my love to you all and wishing you a wonderful mother's day weekend! tell a mother, grandmother, friend, or anyone for that matter, how much you care for them... and please don't forget how blessed you are... all of you.

the same.

today i went to church at a different building than normal.

we decided to go to church at the husband's cousin's ward building rather than ours (the one his cousin has been coming to) so that she can get to know the people around where she lives.

(for those non-members, LDS church members go to church at buildings based on boundaries where they live)

it was a wonderful experience and it really made me reflect on the LDS church compared to other churches.

i will use my old denomination of church (episcopal) as an example.

i could go to 8 different episcopal churches on the same day and each would have a different sermon, a different set-up and essentially different beliefs based on what the pastor believes. in fact you could ask 8 episcopals what they believe and most likely they would all have something different to say as far as their personal beliefs.

the thing i love about going to the LDS church is that no matter where you go it will be the same! church meetings will all have the same organization, sacrament meeting will always be the same, the classes will be teaching the same material and everything has the same structure...

but most importantly, and different than almost all churches, is that no matter what LDS member you ask, they will express to you the same basic beliefs.

i love that the church teaches us exactly what we believe...and that through the holy spirit we can come to know that the church teaches the truth.

i love that when someone asks me a question about my faith i can tell them what i, and what the church believes and teaches...

it is amazing to me that from washington state to florida, to france, to australia and china the church is all the same...just different people. :)

i love it.

i love it all!

confessions of a convert.

i will just get right out there and say it...

3 hours is a LONG time to be at church.

i sat in on a missionary discussion this week...the husband's cousin in taking the missionary discussions and i decided to listen in.

woah...dejavu of a whole year of my life! i had so many missionary lessons i could probably teach some of them! :/

the husbands cousin has come to church the past few sundays and only stayed for the first hour...well in the lesson i sort of, well actually completely blurted out to his cousin, "you should come with me to relief society!" (relief society is the 3rd hour of church on sunday. all the women get together and have their own class, and all the men get together to have their own class. it's awesome!)

anyway... a) awkward, did i really just blurt that out?! and b) what if she doesnt want to come and i just totally pressured her?!

then i got to thinking...if i didn't have a testimony of church (which i gained after going consistently), 3 hours would seem like a ridiculous amount of church!

on second thought, 3 hours is a long time...no matter who you are!

ok, so even though its a long time, and yes i get really hungry, and yes i daze off sometimes because maaaaybe i should have gone to bed earlier the night before... church is amazing.

i learn so much at church it is ridiculous and i know from my years of life without going to church that it is OH-SO-IMPORTANT to be spiritually fed.

also, we (meaning i) must remember that it is a blessing to be able to even attend church. many people in this world are oppressed, they are forced into religions they don't believe, or forbidden to go to church.

attending church is a remarkable blessing that i have in this day and age...it is one that should not be taken for granted.

i would stay any amount of hours at church if it meant the difference between going to church or not at all.

my trip and some thoughts.

i just want to start out by saying...

charleston, south carolina is one of the most beautiful places i have ever been.

i am not exaggerating.

you know how usually you go on vacation and then by the end you want to go home, or at least you are excited to be home?!

nope. not this time. the husband and i didn't want to leave and we are already eager to go back some day in the future.

the rich history that surrounded us- plantation homes, historic battle fields, homes that housed the first president's of the united states...i mean seriously, how cool is that!?

not to mention, the architecture and charm of the city is unbeatable. being in charleston made me wonder what on earth we have done to our architecture. it doesn't get more beautiful than this:

yes, this is the house in the notebook. :]

i am pretty sure i took about a bazillion pictures of just houses and buildings because they were so beautiful.

i loved that charleston is proud of their history too... they have laws that prohibit anyone from removing ANYTHING over 75 years old...even if it is a tree branch that falls in the road, nature must take it's course. it was also awesome because a lot of the outdoor lights on houses are actually real flames and the city pays for them because they preserve the historic nature of the city...they are on 24/7 just like they were back in "the day"!

pretty awesome huh?!

anyway, one of the most interesting things about charleston was how many churches there are (and you thought utah was bad...) i mean we are talking steeples EVERYWHERE!

charleston is home to some of the oldest churches in our countries entire history!

lots of churches means LOTS of religious people.

on our last day, we were sitting in a 'chick-fil-a' (so good by-the-way) and an entire section of people in the restaurant grabbed hands and started to pray...not just any praying, i am talking intense-nodding-of-the-head-"amen"-interjections-type praying. it was a sight to see because...confession...i don't think i could EVER bust my heart out in a prayer in the middle of a fast-food restaurant and that just DOES NOT happen where i am from!

i have so much respect for those who are comfortable praying/preaching in public, no matter who you are or what religion you come from..because i am definitely not comfortable doing that.

seeing the way that the people in charleston accept religion was refreshing. it is so different than where i live in seattle.

seattle is one of the least religious states in the nation. you say your christian to someone and they will run the other direction half the time. to be honest, it makes me hate bringing up religion in any conversation.

for example, you are talking about a friend, and the other person asks, "where do you know them from?" and you say, "church". the response, "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". or in some cases you get, "what church" and when i proceed to say the LDS church i get a wide-eyed stare back. its great. (not).

i am sorry for the random jumbled thoughts that make this post...but i swear i have re-written it 12x and my point that i want to make is just not coming out the way i want...ugh.

i think it's because i left my mind back in charleston. ;]

anyway, a) charleston rocks. b) charleston is very christian oriented which i like...which leads me to c) seattle needs to be less judgemental and more open to religious viewpoints.

there you go...my ideas in a, b, c, format.

and i'm done.

my talk.

needless to say, i'm glad this is over and done with! :]

talking in church is sta-ressssssful!

so here it is, spelling/gramatical errors and all...oh and happy sunday!

“Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.”

“And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.”

“And by the Power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.”

So what does this mean?

Members of the church are very familiar with these verses. They might even be the most well known, or infamous versus of the Book of Mormon.

It is because of these 3 versus, I am standing here before you as a member of the church, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Whether you were born into the church or converted to it, your story is really no different than mine in that we all have to gain a testimony of our own… we have to come to know the truth for ourselves. A truth that no one can force upon you or make you believe, a truth that only you can find for yourself.

For some, this truth may come quickly and easily… for others, like me, it may take a bit longer or be later in life…

Anyone with a question naturally wants an answer. In the world we live in today, finding the answers to our questions can be very easy. When we have a question we have to merely type it into Google, and with the click of a button we are looking at hundreds of answers to our question.

Sometimes I wish that all my questions could be answered this easily and I am sure that many of you agree…but I know that this is not the case. When life throws us curveballs… when we are sick, when we are in need of help, when we don’t know the right path that we should be taking, we cannot just sit on our computers and wait for a search engine to tell us what to do…we must be proactive and search our answers out. But we also must remember,

Answers don’t always come when you want them or need them.

Answers don’t always come in the way we expect them either.

4 years ago I was struggling in one of the hardest times of my life. I wasn’t a member of the church and I was going through depression, the stress of college, friendships breaking, family becoming more distant and changing from what I always knew it to be and just about everything in between.

It was in this time that I started to meet with the missionaries. The missionaries did their thing…they taught me the lessons, one by one…and then they had me read Moroni chapter 10 verses 3-5.

I read to myself that night, “When ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them…ask God, the Eternal Father…if these things are not true…and he will manifest the truth unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost”

I honestly felt like this scripture was written for me…I even wondered if the missionaries had slipped the extra page into my copy of the Book of Mormon, but I did what it asked, I prayed to God and asked for the answers, I asked God if the words that I was reading were true. I was truly amazed when…

nothing happened.

Because of this I learned a very valuable lesson.

Just because you are seeking an answer from our Father in Heaven and you pray for guidance, it doesn’t mean you will get the answer right then and there…

I cannot tell you all how many times I have prayed for an answer and waited and waited for it to happen, some of my prayers still have not been answered…other times, my prayers are answered immediately. For some reason whenever I pray for patience the next day I am bombarded by awful drivers, long lines and tons of dirty dishes…which I hate… I have sort of stopped praying for patience because I know that heavenly father loves it when I do…

So sometimes answers take a long time to come, sometimes they are immediate, answers can also come when you least expect them, but they always WILL come.

Going back to the scripture I read, when you are seeking the truth of the gospel, or in the case of trying to build your testimony of the Book of Mormon for those that are already members, it only states that Heavenly Father will “Manifest the truth”…- it doesn’t say you will receive an answer immediately or be confirmed that day, that week, or even that year. But it does say you will receive the answer.

I had been dating Brett, an amazing role model of the church, for 3 years, going to church for almost a year, meeting with missionaries for 6 months and praying nightly before I felt it…

Sitting in a lecture hall of UW, nowhere near the Book of Mormon, or any scriptures, I felt the confirmation that Moroni promises. I was overcome with confidence and excitement to join the LDS church. I knew at that moment without a shadow of a doubt that the words in the Book of Mormon were true, and that being baptized was the most important thing that I could do.

There are many different ways you can feel the spirit… Since the moment at UW, I have felt the spirit many times. It usually comes in a small ways, the flutter of my heart, or tears welling in my eyes, but occasionally I am completely overcome by the strongest feeling and knowledge that the Holy Ghost is with me.

I have heard someone describe feeling the Holy Ghost like putting on warm clothes just out of the dryer, although everyone feels the spirit differently. Through logic, through emotion, through a thought in your head speaking with your own voice…The feeling of the spirit can also be gradual…it might accumulate over time, not happening all at once…as it did when I realized the impact the church has had in my life the past 3 years and the peace that it brings to me at my hardest times.

In the bible, the Holy Ghost appears at Jesus Christ’s baptism as a white dove, but we know that the spirit does not appear in this way anymore, we also know that the Holy Ghost appears in both the Bible and the Book of Mormon. We must seek to have knowledge of the Holy Ghost….…

So then, who or what is the Holy Ghost?

Before his death, Jesus Christ spoke to his apostles saying, “the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name…shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. “

The Holy Ghost, also being called: the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God, the Spirit of the Lord, and Comforter has appeared to men since the beginning of time, and is the “convincing witness that the gospel is true” as the Bible dictionary states.

The Holy Ghost works in unity with our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. He is one of the 3 members of the Godhead, a personage of spirit, completely distinct and separate from God the Eternal Father and his son Jesus Christ. He plays many roles in our lives: He “witnesses of the Father and the Son” (2 Nephi 31:18) and reveals and teaches “the truth of all things” (Moroni 10:5). We can receive a sure testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ only by the power of the Holy Ghost. Feeling the Holy Ghost carries far more certainty than any communication we can receive in other ways.

Everyone on Earth, Christian or not, can feel the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost will interact with them, but as followers of Christ he promised to send the Holy Ghost to be with us, and allows us to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

The gift of the Holy Ghost is the ability to have the Holy Ghost with you all the time so long as you are worthy.

We are given this gift, in the LDS church, after we are baptized, by the laying on of hands by a member of the priesthood, which is the authority to act in the name of God.

In Matthew chapter 3 verse 11 it states, “I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance: but he that cometh after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost and with fire”

We must not only be baptized by water but also “with the Holy Ghost”…the fire, stated in the scripture, is the feelings of the Holy Ghost. This fire builds within the heart and testifies even stronger of the truthfulness of the Gospel. The fire is in the heart and the soul. For a convert or a member born into the church, this fire builds within, testifying and confirming the choices we have made to be baptized and or remain a member of this church.

Elder Loren C. Dunn of the Quorum of the Seventy said, “The new convert who has accepted the gift of the Holy Ghost with the right spirit will experience not only a cleansing but a feeling that will give him a new heart and make of him a new person”

I have felt this feeling of being a “new person” since baptism and many family members and friends have told me that I just seem “happier”. I know that this is because of the Gift of the Holy Ghost and the change it has in my life.

So we all have good idea of who the Holy Ghost is and what the Holy Ghost does now, but I would like to explain the other important aspects of the verses I read…

Within the 3 verses, and prior to feeling the confirmation of the truth of all things though the Holy Ghost, we are given some criteria:

We must ask Heavenly Father for the truth “in the name of Jesus Christ”, we must ask with a “sincere heart” and with “real intent” having “faith in Christ”.

Real intent means everything to me. To know the truth, we cannot ask in haste, or impatience. Too often I feel that people seeking the knowledge of the church pray and ask these questions, hoping for the answer to be that the church is not true…they want to prove the church wrong. I know that the Holy Ghost will not reveal the truth to these people until they have broken down those walls and truly want to know the answer.

We have heard it so many times, that we must pray with a softened heart. We must pray with the deepest sincerity in our mind and soul. For me, it wasn’t until I truly needed an answer to my prayers, rather than wanting a quick, sudden answer that I was given the confirmation I needed.

If we follow what these three verses say, we are bound to receive an answer, whether it be the moment we ask, or a year later in a lecture hall.

The spirit is like the sun, it seems so far away, but its glow and its warmth are able to be felt by all people. The suns rays can touch all people, and I know that the peace and happiness this church brings to my life can do the same for everyone.

I would argue that the entire Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints hangs on 3 verses…A promise that no other religion has…a promise for the truth of all things. Within the scriptures, written 1500 years ago, a prophet of God, Moroni told us that we can read this book and come to a certain knowledge…not a hope, or a thought…but a certain knowledge that this book, and this CHURCH are true.

I leave you these words in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

getting ready for sunday.

i just finished writing 'the talk'.

sheesh. i wrote most of it yesterday and thought i was done and then realized that it was not long enough...after addding a bit more today its finally long enough.

the only problem is that everytime i read it outloud i cry. ugh.

this happened last time i gave a talk too...but i was lucky in that i didn't even shed a tear when i read it in church.

here's to hoping that is the case again...

no public tears please. its just...awkward.

talking in church.

i was asked to give a talk in sacrament meeting.

yikes.

{like i mentioned before, the speakers at church on sundays are members of the congregation. each week there are 2 speakers and sometimes a youth speaker as well}

i was asked over a week ago if i could give a talk on the 27th, along with the husband too, and i have yet to write anything...

the husband has written two talks already {although he is unhappy with both}, and is stressed... he keeps mentioning how unprepared he is, and how he really needs to "get things together for the talk".

hey thanks babe, i haven't even started!!

stress. stress. stress.

did i mention i am STRESSED!

i have had zero time to even think about giving a talk that is now in...ONE WEEK.

i am thinking i should just steal one of his talks... but don't worry, i most likely wont.

i've got this right!?

right.

would you all like me to post my talk on the 27th after church?

comment below and let me know.

(yep, i am a poet...not).

OH and btw, i asked my mom and grandma to come to church that day to hear me and the husband speak...scaaaaary.

have a wonderful saturday!

knowledge.

i've got a good question for all of you out there...

have you ever been talking to a friend, or family member who is either an inactive LDS member or not a member at all, and they express "their" beliefs to you but insist they disagree with the LDS church wholeheartedly...only they don't realize, and wont listen to you when you try to tell them that what they "believe" is not what the church they go to believes and is actually LDS doctrine?!

ok, obviously i am raising my hand because i totally have!

here is a major difference that i have noticed between the LDS church and my previous church experience:

i know what i believe. before being baptized i had ideas of what i believed, i knew i had faith...believed in the bible etc. but when it came to really knowing what my church believed i had no idea.

now i do.

there is so much comfort in knowing what you believe and being able to answer people's questions when they say, "what do you guys believe?!"

only here is something else i have noticed.

if you ask a person what church they go to and they say "st. marks" or something like that...there are no follow up questions, people just don't ask questions about other religions...just a smile and a nod or a "cool" in return from the questioner.

if someone asks what church i go to and i say the LDS church, i end up playing 20 questions...not that that is a bad thing...its just an interesting observation...wouldn't you say?! {say yes.}

anyway. enough ranting for now...i am going outside to play in the sunshine! :]

ta-ta-for-now!

{i just realized that i deleted the 'followers' tab on the side of my blog...if you want to 'follow' my blog and be updated when i write a post you can scroll to the top of the page and put your cursor at the top. a bar will show up and on the lefthand side it says follow...click it, and make you and me happy! :] }

prescription filled!

yesterday was eventful. to say the least.

like this post mentioned, i have been having a little trouble with being excited about going to church. it's been frustrating because i know i love church... but i have just wondered why its been hard to go lately.

i said i needed to figure out the answer...

i said i would inform you when i found the answer. i found it yesterday.

my husband and i have not been to the temple since we were married...{which was one of the best/most amazing spiritual experiences of my life}. we finally went back yesterday.

both a little nervous because we were on our own {without having an 'escort' or family that knew what they were doing and had experience being at the temple} we went anyway.

the second we walked in the temple i was overcome with happiness. the temple is an amazing place. it is hard to miss feeling the holy spirit there... i was overcome with emotions and fought back tears multiple times during the temple session we went to.

once we were done we got lunch and went home.

all day i had been having pains in my stomach that started the night before. i figured they would get better but as the pain escalated and shooting pains started in my lower abdomen i was convinced to get a hold of the doctor on call.

before i even explained everything that was going on she quickly advised me that i needed to go to the emergency room as soon as i could.

reluctant, i went. {with my wonderful sister-in-law, as my husband was unable to come with me}.

2 hours later, at about 11:00pm, after being tested in every single way they could... and feeling a little 'medically molested' as my sister-in-law and i named it {i am extremely shy when it comes to going to the doctor} they informed me that i had an ovarian cyst that had ruptured which was causing internal bleeding.

the bleeding was causing severe pain but unfortunately all you can do is take advil for the internal swelling, medicine for the pain and wait it out.

i am in the waiting period right now.

now you must be wondering how any of this relates to me being happy about going to church.

well...when i got home i was lying with my husband in bed and i was in the best mood i have been in in a long time.

i was thinking about the temple.

the temple is such a blessing. it puts into perspective the important aspects of life and brings the spirit so close to your heart.

i could have been wallowing in my sorrows of pain, but rather the spirit was comforting me and i was happy. PLUS i was overcome with an excitement for going to church in the morning.

i know, without a shadow of a doubt that my feelings were caused by my husband and i going to the temple and the blessing that going to the temple brings into your home.

i am so grateful to be able to live so close to a temple. i am grateful to be able to go to the temple.

i am grateful for the temple and the happiness it brings into my life.

it wont be long before i go back again.

language...

another thought inspired by facebook...

after browsing facebook a few days ago i couldn't help but notice the language many people use. the slang, the swearing, the vulgar comments that blow. my. mind.

it made me think one thing.

i am really lucky.

i am lucky that the people in my life who surround me don't use that language. i am lucky that my husband treats me with respect and doesn't call me names...names that other men wouldn't find offensive at all {but are}.

i cannot believe that a little over 3 years ago that type of talking wouldn't have even made me think twice. {not that i had a trucker's mouth at all, but i just wasn't as sensitive as i am now to swearing etc.}

it's continues to amaze me...{the gospel of Jesus Christ that is}. my life has changed so much...and yet i have not really changed at all.

yes, i don't swear anymore...ok confession...only when i am REALLY mad. {i'm working on that one}.

yes, i don't drink alcohol anymore.

yes, i go to church every single sunday {for 3 hours straight!}

yes, i pray all the time.

yes...well... i guess i have changed.

but i am still kristen. just improved.

being tested...

something has been happening the past few days.

an unusual amount of people around me have not only been bringing up the LDS church, but putting me on the spot.

monday: i was literally called out by my teacher..."who's the mormon in here?" then i was asked endless questions about random 'mormon' things, including how my parents feel about me joining the church. after answering that they are supportive of me being happy {over actually being happy i am mormon} my teacher responded that they are 'weird'. hmmm...

tuesday: another teacher started listing off churches too see who was from what faith. the third church he asked was LDS...i raised my hand...and unlike him moving on to the next on the list of faiths, he stopped and asked a list of questions as well...very similar questions to the ones i was asked the previous day. {others in my class laughed because of how weird it was that this interrogation happened just yesterday as well...i think they felt bad for me}. interestingly, my teacher said that 2 generations back his family was all LDS but they were excomm

unicated from the church because they refused to end their polygamous way, and actually housed polygamous families in their basement when the church {and state} ended the practice and it became illegal.

today: a workout class that i attend regularly has a very outgoing teacher. today randomly she brought up that her best friend when she was growing up was mormon {and she had 15 siblings}...then she TOO asked if anyone in the class was. she, luckily, had no interrogation for me {i think she was just curious}.

from all of this one thing is clear to me.

i am being tested.

heavenly father knows about this post, and he knows that i need to get my confidence levels up.

i will admit this trial has been hard, and kinda scary...but it is an answer to my prayers. i needed help with being able, and comfortable, talking to people about who i am...and this is his way of helping me... literally giving me practice.

be careful what you pray for... he's listening :]

giving thanks.

yes i know it is the day after thanksgiving...but it is never too late to give thanks.

i am so thankful for so many things in my life:

for my family.

for my friends.

for my amazing husband...and his incredible patience.

for a roof over my head.

for the ability to choose.

for my health and strength.

for the LDS church.

for prayer.

for the seasons...each one of them and the beauty they bring.

for the amazing technologies we have in this generation that keep us safe.

for school {most of the time :] }

and for everything in between.

this is truly and amazing time of year... cherish the small, tender moments in life. those are the ones that last forever in our memories.

criticism...

a few days ago in my 'student needs' class our teacher was talking about culture, and it made me think about the church...and really all churches for that matter.

"the best, and only way you can critique a culture is to be within it" he said....

my teacher was talking about race and gender specifically noting that, for example, no man should critique a "women's society" because they know nothing about what goes on....however even though he was talking about topics other than religion it made ME think of just that.

too often people spend more time critiquing others rather than working on themselves. i think we all fall victim to this at times in our lives.

specifically however, i feel that the LDS church is a victim of this criticism all too often. ex-members, non-members, people who know NOTHING about the church always have SOMETHING to say...this does not exclude a girl in my class {who is married to an 'in-active' member of the church} who thinks she knows everything and finds ways to take 'jabs' at me whenever she can...even if it is about the most trivial things... "we had to get lot's of place settings when we got married because his family is MOOOOOOORMAN" -she said to a friend in class and stared directly at me while doing so.

is it just me, or do a lot of people claim to be christian, and followers of Christ and then turn around and do things that he would never want us to do?!

lets get it together everyone, lets be civil to each other, and work harder to be kind... and lets change the quote from above to:

"the best, and only way to critique a culture is to...NOT critique them at all. its our job to work on our own personal lives...not to criticize those around us".

what will the prescription be?

in the midst of the storm {more like really rainy weather} outside, i feel like i have a storm within me.

this is the happiest time of my life right?! newly married, on my way to being a teacher {my dream career} everything seems to be going my way...and yet i have been sad.

after painstakingly questioning myself for about a week i figured out my problem.

remember, this blog is to reveal the REAL feelings of one convert to the LDS church, so no judging.

although hard to admit, the problem was my motivation and passion for church...i realized that while i was happy in other aspects of my life my fire and desire for church-y things was dwindling and this made me VERY sad.

why didn't i anticipate going to church on sunday like i had for 2 years? why was it hard for me to get on my knees and pray? why did i get irritated when every conversation i had led back to church?

was something wrong with me? was i becoming a 'bad' member of the LDS faith?

i felt sick. and wanted desperately to come up with a solution.

i had figured out the problem:

diagnosed. yes.

prescription: to be filled...still.

{and most likely re-filled constantly my whole life}