mormon hater?

i know.

its friday.

almost saturday.

i've missed my thursday post.

but oh if only you knew the stresses i have been dealing with at school.

i have now had my room completely set up and ready to go.

then had to change everything.

three times. 

needless to say...

my brain is dead.

and so is my level of awareness.

i didn't even know yesterday was thursday!

sheesh.

anyway...i met my class and their parents today for the first time.

one of the moms mentioned she had a mutual friend of mine 

{who is mormon}

and then asked if i was. 

i laughed and said yes

 because i knew instantly that she was too.

whats weird is that knowing she was mormon was...comforting.

i don't know why

but i keep having day dreams, well day-mares, that 

a parent of one of my students finds out i am mormon and is not happy.

in my thoughts they are loud, they throw things, drag their child out my room and yell,

"i will not have trash teaching my child"

it makes me sick to my stomach.

i think ultimately it's showing me my inner fears...

i am afraid people won't like me because of my faith.

 because of who i am.

i know i shouldn't let other peoples' attitudes bother me.

but i cannot stop these thoughts.

they stink.

big time. 

i cant believe signs like this exist...however i am pretty sure the parent in my day-mares would be carrying this outside my classroom door. 

:(

school

it's back to school time for me and the other teachers in my district.

that means long days and not a lot of sleep.

and the kids haven't even started yet.

today i get to sit in a lecture hall all day 

while my classroom just sits and waits for me to come finish setting up. 

i am so excited. 

{please note the sarcasm}

happy wednesday! 

trippin' part deux

i think i mentioned we ate a lot while in san francisco.

if not...

we ate a lot in san franciso.

but we also did a lot of other fun activites.

we went on walks.

toured the city.

went to a giants game.

went to china town...it was HUGE.

i saw a man carrying a box with live, for the moment, chickens.

it was...weird.

we saw alcatraz.

we saw the burned and abandoned bath house ruins.

we walked along the piers.

 and MUCH more. 

{me, my sis-in-law in the middle, and her friend}

{the husband and i at the sutro bath house ruins}

{the bath house burned down in 1966} 

{china town}

the. trip. was. awesome.

the worst feelings.

i am feeling inadequate in every sense of the word.

i don't think anything i do ever adds up to what i want it to be.

or what others want it to be.

it is a really sucky feeling. 

i have always been a perfectionist...

but this is different.

 it is having an impact on not just myself but those most important to me. 

i am not happy with myself so why should others be happy with me?

i am at a complete loss as to what to do.

i am not doing "x" enough.

i don't "y" enough.

i should "z" more.

i am trying.

i really am.

but it's not enough.

thinking about lots. 

clearly.

trippin' part 1

the husband and i had a wonderful time

on our trip down the west coast.

we woke up early 

hopped in the car

and drove straight to sunny san fran.

and when i say sunny, i mean freezing cold.
the thickest fog i have ever seen rolled in around 6:30 every night.
yes, rolled.
or maybe crawled?
you could literally watch it creep its way down the street
until it surrounded you
in it's wet, thick, cold, air.

who has their 'winter' season during august?! 

thanks san francisco.

while we were there we ate wonderful food.

and then went and got more food.

and then we ate food.

did i mention we ate lots of food?

lets just say i wont be eating sugar or sweets for a while.
{well...at least until my pants fit again.}

{don't worry...it was my second milkshake of the day}

{saturday market with amazing fruits and veggies...and some questionable flavored water}

{we almost got eaten by a seagull...hey, not much different than seattle!}

{we went to a few uh-mazing local market places}

{and we ate, and ate, and ate then got dessertS}

thursday through my eyes...

as a new school year begins
and as summer draws to a close,

i cant help but reminisce about my childhood. 

my family.

 my whole family... together.

all six of us.

not the broken pieces we are now.

i think about my friends.

long days at the swimming pool.

i remember looking out the window at night, 

not wanting to go to bed, 

wishing i could stay up with "the big kids"

{i was the youngest of 4 children}

i think about the days where i would run around barefoot all day long.

not a care in the world.

now, i take my shoes off on the gravel and try to hold my balance.

the rocks feel sharp, nothing like they use to. 

through my eyes, 

the world is a much different place. 

it isn't innocent.

it isn't at all like i remember.

the sad thing is that the reason it looks different through my eyes is because it is different.

parents don't let their children play in the street all day, whistling when it's time to come home from dinner.

i am scared for the world my children will experience.

and i can't help but wonder what they will see, through their eyes. 

seattle 'rain'

forgot to add these ones...this is me preparing myself for fall in seattle. 

it's a good thing i love the rain. 

photos...

as promised...here are the hair pictures!

mint, cream, and chocolate...

yum.

nothing beats homemade ice cream on a hot summer night.

fresh mint, straight from my father in law's garden.

cream.

sugar.

finely chopped dark chocolate.

all mixed together by hand.
 with love {of course}.

thursday through my eyes

the husband and i are back!

and i have had so much to reflect on over this vacation.

i will write about our trip later this week {with pictures of course}.

the husband and i were walking along haight street in san francisco 

when we over heard this:

"oh yeah, it's sunday today!"

we looked at each other and smiled. 

we were thinking the exact same thing

 and i couldn't help but think

 of how very differently from these two strangers 

that i view sunday.

sunday isn't just another day of the week.

in fact, i think without sunday, i'd be lost.

on sunday, i wake up early.

i get ready.

i go to church.

3 hours of church.

i take the sacrament.

i learn.

i grow.

i usualy squeeze in a sunday nap.

i have family dinner.

i relax.

no working.

no stress.

i never have that "what day is it today" feeling, 

because i know...it's sunday.

i love my sunday routine.

i love that it is the day of the week that i can reset.

refocus.

renew myself.

i didn't feel this way before being baptized.

before going to church consistently.

 but now

through my eyes, sunday's are special.

and in my opinion, thats how they should be.

san fran.

the husband and i are on a road trip! 

i love road trips.

singing in the car.

eating at new places.

being out of your comfort zone.

it's the best.

i am taking lots of pictures and cannot wait to share when i get back! 

have a great weekend 

and don't miss me too much. 

:) 

thursday through my eyes...

i am very excited to say that i am starting a new post
series.

it will be titled "thursday through my eyes"

each thursday, i will be writing a post about something in my life.

something that i see differently because i am...

mormon.

i want to reflect on myself. 

on the world around me.

i really want to push myself to know and appreciate how i see the world differently.

because i am truly, a changed person.

something you may not know.

it's the husband's birthday today!

wahoo!

so here's a fun post about the husband and i that i thought you might like to read...

many of you may know this fun tidbit about me already...but here it is anyway!

a reader left a comment under this post about my husband and i a while back. she said:

It does seem really heaven-sent that you found each other so young

and that you stayed together despite your differences.

Christ really put his hand on your relationship and guided you both

- I am in awe.

she was referring to when we became friends and started dating junior year in high school...but high school was not the first time we ran in to each other.

my husband and i had been going to the same school together since 6th grade {11 years old}. while we were never friends and never knew each other personally, we definitely knew who the other was and had the occasional class together.

after we began dating i use to joke about the possibility of us having a run-in with each other at an even younger age... since we both grew up in the same town, from a very young age, surely there was some park, some birthday party, some time that we both played together unknowingly {a far-fetched, yet fun idea to amuse myself with}.

3 years later i came across this footage {that i turned into a little movie this week} as we watched the husband's home videos:

i kid you not, that cute-as-can be little blondie is my man! and the little-rat-like girl, hair {always} in her face, with an unmistakable grin {as most of my front teeth had been chipped after slipping and hitting my head on a coffee table} is ME!

can you believe it! 4 years old and right next to each other! he likes to joke that i have been stalking him ever since that day so long ago... what can i say, he was as much of a stud then as he is now!

not that girl.

 i was at the salon.

again.

twice in 3 days.

{trust me it would have been sooner had i been able to score an appointment}

looking around me, i noticed i was surrounded by ombres. 

not liking... any of them. 

especially the one that was looking back at me in the mirror.

maybe it's my unwillingness to conform to 'hype' that makes me dislike the look.

 i didn't read harry potter. 

or twilight.

i don't have an iphone.

i don't own any mint, or orange clothing.

i am just not that trendy i guess.

i am pretty sure that half the clothes in my closet are from at least 5 years ago.

well, like i said, i went back to the salon.

something i have never done.

i don't like to dissapoint people, or make them feel bad.

i didn't want to hurt the hair dresser's feelings.

it didn't look bad,

in fact i was told it was "fergalicious" 

{lol} 

by a friend of mine.

she said i looked like a model, and i'll admit, i liked that much.

but in the end...

i didn't think it was me.

i didn't look like me, to me at least. 

and that is what is most important. 

so i am no longer fergalicious,

but i am back to the real me!

 

{before haircut/color}

{the good news is that the husband and i did a fun photo shoot with my oh so blonde locks before i had them dyed back...i'll post them this week!}

oh ya baby!

yup.
that's all. 

screaming...

have you ever been around something that made you so excited you felt like screaming?

not scared screaming.

happy, i cannot hold it in any longer, i have goosebumps, i am kid with too much sugar screaming. 

{sort of like when a toddler sees something they are SUPER excited about and squeals}

that was me.

this weekend.

watching the awesome  no, ridiculously amazing Blue Angels fly over my head.

and believe me when i say:

they are loud. 

and so crazy!

i don't even like riding bikes next to people because i am afraid we are going to crash,

or maybe our handle bars will get stuck together...

 let alone fly a jet plane going 700 MPH flying only 18 INCHES apart. 

in case you forgot, that is just a little longer than a standard ruler. 

holy moly.

i was like a kid on christmas morning. 

those crazy suckers bring my right back to my childhood
when i would run outside the house i grew up in 

to watch them race by and fill the sky with smoke.

i love summer! 

{the husband and his dad...we call him 'the todd'}

what are your summer traditions?

molly mormon

me...molly mormon?

you might think so based on these awesome pictures the husband took...

of me...

baking cookies...

with dehydrated food storage ingredients...
it's actually a really cool concept.
and they even sent the nifty apron i am wearing.
{which i put on as a joke, but now this totally looks like i am promoting the product!}

but trust me when i say:

i am not...in any way... 'molly mormon'

i do love to bake. but hardly have time.

i do love to cook...but again, just don't do it.

i just had the urge to use my father-in-law's fancy new food storage goodies to see what kind of food we'll be eating when the end of the world comes.

{joke}.

mormons with horns?

i don't have horns...

i am not growing horns...

sorry to dissappoint.

did you know that there are still people out there that think that members of the LDS church actually grow horns.
{someone asked me on formspring if i had horns}

just one of the beautiful things people think about the church. 

wonderful.

oh wait...sorry i lied.
the Angel Moroni has one!

some mormons have horns*...

sweaty.

there is nothing quite like cleaning a 3rd story apartment {that sits in direct sunlight} when its 

75 degrees and sunny. 

folding and putting away laundry... lots of laundry.

making the bed.

cleaning the kitchen.

cleaning bathrooms.

cleaning. cleaning. cleaning.

sweating. sweating. sweating. 

ugh. 

no pictures neccesary.

but that wouldn't be very fun now, would it?

did i mention the lovely husband helped? 

and the 80s music made life so much more fun! 

all i can say thank you Pandora.

 golden oldies all the way.