i have been pretty sick with a bad cold that has made me really sleepy...and yet unable to sleep! so i have not been up to writing, but it's been too long so here i go.
last saturday was a great day. i woke up early to get ready with my husband who had been planning a baptism {he is the ward mission leader which means he works closely with the full-time missionaires (the young men who knock on your doors with smiles and name tags on) He is the middle man between the members of the ward (our church congregation) and the missionaries.}.
i knew the baptism was coming and to be honest wasn't so sure it should be happening.
the fifteen year old boy to be baptized had been to church only 3 times, missed several appointments he had made with the missionaries and didn't seem all that motivated from what i had heard about him {as far as missing appointments etc.}.
when i considered baptism, i knew i had to be absolutely sure...it took me months and months of going to church and months talking with the missionaries to commit {setting a date for baptism}...it took this boy less than 3 weeks to commit. surely there is no way he knew the significance of what he was doing.
boy was i wrong, and boy do i feel bad.
saturdays baptism was amazing. sitting just 2 seats away from the boy i could feel the spirit so strongly that tears were welling in my eyes consistently the entire time. it was the same room that i was baptized in so i was flooded with emotions and memories of my own as well.
after the baptism i had the opportunity to talk with the boy and his mother. the excitement that he showed and the happiness that radiated throughout him proved me wrong... he wasn't making a random decision, he knew exactly what he was doing and he really desired to be baptized. while his mother is not a member of the LDS church, she was there, with a huge smile on her face, and seemed to be so proud of her son. it was amazing being in the room with them.
i cannot believe that someone so young could be so wise and make such a huge decision such as baptism {especially at the age of 15! i am pretty sure all i thought about at that age was turning 16 and getting my drivers license...oh and boys!} he is definitely a very special person, and so is his mother; as she demonstrated pure love and joy for her child and supporting his decisions and what makes him happy.
i am grateful i was able to be a part of and watch the baptism.
it makes me even more grateful for where i am today.
I really appreciate your honesty about everything.
ReplyDeleteI'm in a similar position (I haven't converted.. yet..), and I always find myself thinking, "Would I be able to admit I converted to my family and friends..?"
I just know how other people view the church, and I don't want to feel like someone is judging me before even getting to know me.
It's a pride issue, I know. But anytime I bring it up with my bf (LDS), he freaks out.
This is probably the number one thing that I struggled with. I would always think to myself, "Why would I want to give myself a 'negative' label on purpose?!" Its a tough concept to deal with and ultimately, for me, it took a lot of time before I had the confidence to be ready for it...when i received the confidence, the labels didn't matter to me anymore, my own happiness did so I was baptized.
ReplyDeletekeep saying your prayers and asking for guidance. whatever you choose should make YOU happy!