on being mormon.

picture this:

a room full of people.

everyone is chatting and having a good time.

then someone mentions religion.

specifically Christianity.

its inevitable-- the m-bomb (mormon) is going to be dropped. 

i brace myself for impact.

coincidentally, this is also when i feel like crawling into the corner of the room 

and pretending i am not there.

after being a member of the LDS faith for 5 years now i still get rattled.

i still get nervous when people ask me where i go to church.

am i ashamed of my religion.

not even a little.

i feel like at this point i've been asked just about everything:

questions about the temple.

questions about sundays and why on earth we go to church for 3 hours.

questions about the LDS faith being a 'woman hating' church.

questions about joseph smith.

questions about why we don't believe in 'the trinity'.

i've been asked if i have horns, or if as a convert they take longer to grow...

the list goes on and on.

these questions do not bother me.

what i fear is what people think they know about the church.

and the questions they don't ask.

i fear what's going through their mind when they find out i am mormon because

  i've been that person.

i've been the person who calls members of the LDS church 'crazy'.

i've been the person who made fun of the missionaries.

i've been the person who thought temples were weird, scary places.

while i am proud of who i am and the decisions i have made in my life...

i hate that i am judged the moment i tell people that i am mormon.

i hate the awkward silence after i tell someone what church i go to.

but i love how i feel being a member of the LDS church.

i love how the church has changed my life.

i love who i have become.

i love being mormon.

but if we're being honest, i still get a little nervous too.