remembering how things used to be...

it is really hard for me to remember exactly how everything use to be... i do know that after the excitement of starting college and moving into the sorority wore off things in my life began changing...but definitely not for the better.

i started getting tired of going out to the frats all the time and the girls in my sorority began to criticize me and complain that i was never at the sorority anymore... when i did go out to parties with everyone it was almost as if i had to make up for what i had missed...i wanted to be fun and make the girls like me and want to hang out with me.

i started going home on the weekends and spending less and less time at the sorority, completely isolating myself from the others... it did not help that, on top of the criticism from my new friends, i was dealing with a lot of other stresses in my life...my parents had just gotten a divorce before i left for college, the house i had lived in my entire life was up for sale, my dad was getting re-married, and to top it off...the love of my life, patches my cat, got a stomach illness and had to be put down. needless to say things were not really going in my favor...

i was in a downward spiral mixed up of sadness about my past and present, depression from losing most of what i had known my whole life (house, parents, pets) and the pressure of trying to fit in that i reached the ultimate low.

i had the feeling in my gut that something had to change... that something was missing... and that something needed to be done quickly, or else it felt like i was headed for disaster...