today i lost it.

i've had a pretty rough day today and i just need to get it all out...

i am writing as i think things over, 

so please forgive the rambling and or randomness of this post.

since day, 1 chloe has been an amazing baby.

i don't have anything to compare her to except stories of other babies,

but i'd say she is a very 'good' baby.

she sleeps pretty well,

she is typically very happy, and she rarely cries

unless she is crying for a reason

{hungry, tired, needs to be changed}.

we've had it pretty easy.

when she is fussy with me, 

i can hand her to the husband and she typically calms down {or vice versa}.

however, things have changed recently.

last friday, chloe had her 4 month check up where she got her vaccinations.

if you know anything about those, you know it can make little ones pretty fussy.

on top of that, we were greeted by daylights savings time,

which has messed up her schedule in the worst possible way.

on top of that, she has already cut two teeth and is still teething.

on top of that, my once happy baby is no longer happy.

she goes from happy and laughing, to wailing-- in a matter of seconds.

to top it all off, for some reason, the past two days when i try to put her to sleep or console her,

she arches her back and wants nothing to do with me.

my patience was wearing thin today...

and then it happened.

she was in another crying episode and i was trying to console her.

i was doing everything i could...feeding her, rocking, singing, pacifier, the works.

all she would do is try to squirm away from me.

i tried putting her down, but the screaming got worse.

i tried and tried. 

i was frustrated. 

she was frustrated.

so i put her down on her play mat and walked away.

i sat in my bedroom, right down the hall from where she was lying, 

and took a few deep breaths...

then i was hit with what felt like a ton of bricks.

i went back, picked her up, and started to cry.

i feel awful for losing my patience.

i feel awful for not being able to make her feel better,

and for not knowing what is wrong with her.

overall, i feel plain awful.

i can't express how grateful i am for a new day tomorrow.