prayer.

i believe that prayer is one of the greatest gifts that we are given by our heavenly father...

the power of prayer is great...we can pray alone or with another individual, we can also pray in groups, but no matter how we pray it is important to remember who we are praying to.

in prayer we are literally speaking to our father in heaven... he has sent us to earth to grow and learn, but he has not left us stranded. our heavenly father has given us the gift of communication and it is up to us to decide how often, if ever, that we would like to communicate with him.

heavenly father is always ready to hear and answer our prayers. in prayer it is important that we thank our heavenly father for all the blessings that he has given us, but in prayer we can also ask for guidance, ask for forgiveness, ask for support, ask for comfort, or ask for whatever our hearts desire...

when you ask and you pray, i promise you that you will receive and answer.

the first step in getting down on those knees.

thank you facebook...

so...finally i have finished the "story" of my baptism...questions? they are always welcome... and actually they are encouraged! i would hope that if you are following my blog, and i am reaching out to you, that you would reach on back if you did have a question... about anything. if you'd rather ask anonymously be my guest!

so now what?... it was my goal in starting this blog to write about everyday occurrences that are different now that i am a member of the LDS church. i thought it important, however, to tell you about me, and to give you all (if there is anyone even reading) a background as to where i am coming from before jumping into anything....but now you have the background...and here i go...

facebook... how i love it, and how i hate it...however, recently it has been a really good tool for me to serve as a reminder as to why i do not drink alcohol anymore. i am constantly getting updates about friends (many of whom are more so acquaintances now) and reading the "status updates" on the infamous newsfeed. (for those of you who are not on facebook, this is the opening page of facebook that highlights some of the status' your facebook friends have written about themselves)...anyway, as of recently it seems that there has been an outpouring of status' about drinking...and more so about the morning/day after a "night out"... after reading a few of these status updates i found it impossible to not think back on my past... and i realized and remembered how unhappy drinking made me...

what i really want to say is.... thank you facebook...and anonymous facebook friends who remind me that drinking makes you sick. fall down. lose things. and forget what happened the night before. not to mention it makes you act like a completely different person who makes really bad decisions while not even realizing it.

no amount of "fun" is worth any of the above mentioned things.

my baptism.

the day of my baptism was nothing like i have ever experienced.

i woke up on the morning of april 19, 2008 with a smile on my face. i was ready. i got ready for the day and headed to my boyfriends house where his family was anxiously awaiting my arrival. the atmosphere in their home was nothing short of pure joy and the smiles on everyone's faces made me even happier than i already was.

the drive to the church, where the baptism was to take place, seemed much longer than it actually was. it was quiet in the car as we listened to the mormon tabernacle choir, and gave me time to really reflect on the event that was about to happen. as we got closer and closer to the church building the butterflies in my stomach became more and more intense, and by the time we reached the building, i will admit it. i was nervous.

my boyfriend and i went inside and got dressed in our white clothing... in the LDS church, individuals who are being baptized and those doing to baptizing both wear white. white not only symbolizes purity and cleanliness, but it also is symbolic of what happens after you are baptized. at baptism, a person is washed clean of their sins... they then try to live their life in the best possible way, the most pure and clean way that they can, white is a reminder of this.

after getting dressed, we returned to the room where the baptism was going to take place. i was shocked to see how many people had shown up to be with me on my special day. many friends and individuals from the church had come to support me, and most importantly, my family came. my mom came with her sister (my aunt) and my dad and his wife came, along with my brother and his girlfriend. it meant so much to me that they were all there for me on this day that was so very important to me.

as the baptism started i was nervous for so many people to be watching me. in fact i could barely concentrate on the people who were talking (i was able to chose two people to speak at my baptism)...after the first speaker, it was time for the actual baptism to take place...

in the LDS church, baptism is done by full immersion under the water in a baptismal font. as my boyfriend and i entered the font all my previous worries had disappeared. in fact, something rather amazing happened....my perspective had changed and it was as if he and i were the only ones in the room. i had forgotten that an entire room full of people was looking at me and i concentrated only on what was happening... the water was warm and i can still remember the way it felt against the baptismal clothing.

after i was baptized, i cannot describe the feelings that i was overcome with. as i write this entry i am also overwhelmed by emotion. for that reason, and because the memory is so sacred to me, i am not going to explain every detail, however i will say that i have never been so happy, and felt so clean in my entire life. it was if i was floating on the clouds and nothing could pull me down. ever.

i returned to the room where all my friends and family were, after changing into dry clothes, and the second speaker gave their talk. then the baptism was closed with a word of prayer.

i was able to meet with everyone afterward. the room was filled with happiness and time passed by very quickly. i wished that it would have lasted forever.

i want to tell you, that the emotions that i felt after i was baptized give me, without a shadow of doubt, the confidence and knowledge that i made the right decision to be baptized into the LDS faith.

my life was changed forever that day, and i am so happy that it was.

the letter...

the month leading up to my baptism went by really quickly...about a week before my baptism i was starting to feel really nervous and started questioning myself to see if i was making the right choice....the day before my baptism was a roller coaster, to say the least.

i had lost the confidence i had in my decision to be baptized and was so nervous i didnt think i would make it through the night. before i left my boyfriends house that evening he stopped me and said that he had forgotten to give me something...it was a letter from one of the missionaries father. i was a little confused as to why he would be writing to me...i mean, he didnt even know me... anyway, i drove to my apartment and read the letter before going to bed.

i am not going to say what was in the letter because it is too personal, however, i will tell you all that the words that filled the pages of the letter filled my eyes with tears, and my heart with love and joy...

the letter spoke of his trials and tribulations as a convert to the LDS church and gave me the reassurance that everything would be ok and that i truly was making the right decision.

i went to bed that night feeling so happy, excited, loved, and comforted. all because one man felt the need to write a letter to a complete stranger.

i am and will always be so grateful for that letter that i received.

confusion to confidence.

so...its been way too long. and i do apologize about that, but here i go again...

like i said, i did not have the confidence to tell anyone that i was going to be baptized. i was nervous and pretty uneasy about my decision. it was not until about a week or two later that i had an experience, too personal to share via internet, that changed my perspective about baptism completely. i was no longer scared to tell anyone about my decision to be baptized. i even felt ready to tell my mom the news.

i told her that day, after prayers for comfort and continued confidence...she responded in a matter that i could have never imagined...with love, compassion, and so much support that i was overwhelmed. i even explained to her that i was going to wait until after our trip for my 21st birthday and she said, "honey, this is really important to you...why wait?!"....my heart literally skipped a beat. i could not be more happy that my mom was being so supportive...especially knowing that she is in no means the number one fan of the LDS church.

i called the missionaries and changed my baptism date to april 19, 2008...about a month in the future...(interesting: there is something special about this date...i found out later, after i was baptized in fact, that one of the missionaries had an experience leading him to believe that april 19th would be the day i was baptized...but that is a whole different story i can share at another time)

my attitude had completely changed and i was ready for the month to come...

one giant step for...me.

so i was meeting with the missionaries twice a week. once with my mom and once by myself... i liked talking with them and looked forward to learning about the church...

the missionaries have a set of five lessons that help guide them in teaching fundamentals about the church...if an investigator is struggling to grasp a concept, or doesnt agree, or has reservations they will continue to teach that person more about the topic until that individual is ready to move on...

meeting with the missionaries twice a week meant i flew through the lessons...but i was still not ready to take the giant step and be baptized. i had no confidence to help me make that decision and so i kept meeting with the missionaries, only now it was just once a week and without my mom.

those poor missionaries. they had to come up with so many games and things to teach me that it was probably a nightmare for them. but they kept coming back and coming back and coming back.

they finally, and i will say it was very bold, asked me if i would just pick a date to be baptized. nervous, i agreed....BUT i said it had to be after my 21st birthday which was 3 months away.

i had a trip planned to go to vegas with my mom for my birthday...i didnt want to have any regrets about going there and not being able to drink...and i thought that it would hurt my moms feelings a lot if i didnt drink on our trip for my 21st birthday!

it was planned that i would be baptized the second week in june 2008(...after my birthday, after my trip.) i was really nervous, and not at all confident with that decision...but it was set, and i figured i could always change the date or cancel it...

because i was so uneasy, i decided that i was not going to tell anyone...

at least not yet.

missionaries...

so...to be honest... after going to church for 3 months... i knew how the church made me feel. the missionary discussions were a way for me to learn the fundamentals that i needed to know. i wanted my mom there with me because, and i know now, that deep down inside of me i knew i was going to be baptized someday and i really wanted her to know about the church first hand...not from rumors or speculation.

my mom agreed to talk with the missionaries with me. i was really happy she was coming, and really nervous all at the same time. we set up an appointment to meet them at the church building so that my mom could get a "church tour"...basically to show that it is just a normal church building...missionaries often meet at an LDS building for the first discussion to show the "investigator" around the building and get them acclimated.

when we got to the building i was really nervous for my mom to be there...if you could have felt how i did, it was as if i was a member of the church already and i just wanted my mom to feel comfortable and welcome...i can only imagine how nervous the missionaries were.

after looking around the building we went into one of the classrooms and the missionaries taught the first lesson about faith and prayer...

i did not have a great experience once the lesson started. the missionaries seemed to be more focused on my mom than they were on me....not meaning to be selfish, but i wanted them to focus on me, and my interest in the church rather than try to spend all their attention with my mom, who was really just there because i asked her to come with me...

they asked HER to say a prayer, asked HER if she had questions and kept pushing HER to try new things church related...not only did i feel bad she was being pressured, but i knew she was feeling uncomfortable...

unfortunately in the weeks that followed (the missionaries try to meet with investigators once a week) the discussions were all very similar to the first one, with attention toward my mom and not focused on the person, me, who wanted to learn about the church!

i decided, along with my boyfriend who also sat in on our discussions, that i needed to not only meet with the missionaries with my mom, but on my own as well.