formspring

i added a formspring box to my profile...its on the right hand side in the margin.

feel free to ask any questions you like...you can even make it anonymous! :]

criticism...

a few days ago in my 'student needs' class our teacher was talking about culture, and it made me think about the church...and really all churches for that matter.

"the best, and only way you can critique a culture is to be within it" he said....

my teacher was talking about race and gender specifically noting that, for example, no man should critique a "women's society" because they know nothing about what goes on....however even though he was talking about topics other than religion it made ME think of just that.

too often people spend more time critiquing others rather than working on themselves. i think we all fall victim to this at times in our lives.

specifically however, i feel that the LDS church is a victim of this criticism all too often. ex-members, non-members, people who know NOTHING about the church always have SOMETHING to say...this does not exclude a girl in my class {who is married to an 'in-active' member of the church} who thinks she knows everything and finds ways to take 'jabs' at me whenever she can...even if it is about the most trivial things... "we had to get lot's of place settings when we got married because his family is MOOOOOOORMAN" -she said to a friend in class and stared directly at me while doing so.

is it just me, or do a lot of people claim to be christian, and followers of Christ and then turn around and do things that he would never want us to do?!

lets get it together everyone, lets be civil to each other, and work harder to be kind... and lets change the quote from above to:

"the best, and only way to critique a culture is to...NOT critique them at all. its our job to work on our own personal lives...not to criticize those around us".

what will the prescription be?

in the midst of the storm {more like really rainy weather} outside, i feel like i have a storm within me.

this is the happiest time of my life right?! newly married, on my way to being a teacher {my dream career} everything seems to be going my way...and yet i have been sad.

after painstakingly questioning myself for about a week i figured out my problem.

remember, this blog is to reveal the REAL feelings of one convert to the LDS church, so no judging.

although hard to admit, the problem was my motivation and passion for church...i realized that while i was happy in other aspects of my life my fire and desire for church-y things was dwindling and this made me VERY sad.

why didn't i anticipate going to church on sunday like i had for 2 years? why was it hard for me to get on my knees and pray? why did i get irritated when every conversation i had led back to church?

was something wrong with me? was i becoming a 'bad' member of the LDS faith?

i felt sick. and wanted desperately to come up with a solution.

i had figured out the problem:

diagnosed. yes.

prescription: to be filled...still.

{and most likely re-filled constantly my whole life}

comfort.

there is comfort found in prayer.

today i found out some news that rattled the ground i walk on. it made it hard to concentrate...especially when i felt as though my emotions were schizophrenic...crying one second, laughing the next, angry with frustration at other moments....it was exhausting.

however, amidst the range of emotions and sadness i was able to bow my head and pray. there is definitely a power, and a difference when you are praying with an open and or broken heart.

day to day prayers are important...however when you say a prayer, as i said one today, tears racing each other down my face, {it seemed to me} it would be impossible to not feel love and know that you are being watched over and truly TRULY listened to...

i am grateful i can pray to heavenly father and for the comfort it provides in times of happiness, sadness, strength and weakness...

i am grateful for prayer.

afraid.

for the first time i was nervous about being a member of the LDS church.

that is something very hard to admit.

the school i am doing my masters program at is a private christian school. while there is nothing wrong with that, at all, something in class provoked my nerves.

in one of my classes my teacher asked if there was anyone in the room who was not a 'believer'. no one raised their hands indicating that everyone in my program {a group of 26ish students} is a follower of christ in one way or another.

in a room full of what my teacher calls 'believers' it made me start to think of all the 'believers' out there that are very against the LDS church. in fact many churches, and individuals do not consider the LDS church even christian rather they think of the LDS church as a cult, or an abomination.

i knew this when i was baptized. what i didn't know was how it would affect me.

what if there were students in my program that would hate me because of my religion? what if no one would be my friend? what if i would be looked at differently just because of what i believe?

i was very nervous when my teacher starting asking a few individuals what church they went to...

"please don't call on me, pleeeease don't call on me" is all i could think to myself. my heart pounding.

i was not called on. i was, however, for the first time, afraid to admit what church i belonged to, in fear that i would be looked at differently. in fear that my teacher would grade me differently.

that is not fair.

many prayers have followed that day in class. many prayers have been answered since that day in class.

i am not afraid anymore. i have courage. i am proud to be a member of the LDS church.

i realize, nothing and no one can bring me down... unless I let them...

which i wont.

"My New Life"

Stephanie Nielson...thank you for your courage, your faith and your beauty. you are truly and inspiration to women everywhere.

thank you.

what does it mean to be sealed?

we have all heard the words "until death do you part"...but have we all thought about what that phrase actually means?

in a typical wedding...and by typical i mean non-LDS wedding or in other words: a civil ceremony, the words "until death do you part" are spoken as the officiant announces the newly married couple...this has a significant meaning that many people do not really think about...this 'phrase' means that the couple is married here, on earth, only so long as they are alive...the moment that either of the married pair passes away the marriage that bonded them together is broken.

what is different about an LDS wedding is that the bonds of marriage are placed on the couple forever...for an eternity. this unbreakable bond is known as a "sealing". as a couple enters the temple for their wedding they enter a sealing room: kneeling before an alter the pair make promises to each other and they are not only pronounced man and wife but they are sealed to each other for time and all eternity. how amazing is that?!

a little over a month ago, on august 6th, 2010 i had the amazing opportunity to be sealed to my, now, husband. yes, you did read that right...in the time i have been away from my blog i was married..and what an experience it was.

i will be the first to admit, and i am being totally honest which is the purpose of this blog...the real life thoughts of a convert to the mormon church... i was nervous the morning of our sealing. with all new things in life we get nervous. however, that nervousness vanished instantly when i entered the sealing room in the temple and saw the familiar faces of my friends and soon-to-be family.

the spirit was so strong in the room that i don't think there was a dry eye. i tried my best to keep it together but was so moved by the words of the temple sealer (the man who married/sealed us together) that i couldn't contain my tears and was crying (hard) next to the man that i love, who was also crying (something that i have not seen in the six years we have been together).

the feeling was amazing.

i still feel amazing.

although it was very difficult not having my family inside the temple, i know in my heart and have been validated through feelings of the spirit that being sealed in the temple is what i was supposed to do.

i will never regret it.